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#1 | |
FFR Player
Join Date: Mar 2007
Age: 31
Posts: 944
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#2 |
FFR Player
Join Date: Aug 2005
Age: 29
Posts: 3,996
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![]() awesome seeing you post in here! it's always great seeing fellow poets here. we need to make some kinda group for FFR writers sometime :3
I like some of the imagery in here a lot, the first two lines are a striking image and the heart made of steel can go in so many interesting directions. with a clearer rhythm and some of the imagery tidied up it'd be marvelous. also it's "he" in the last line :P overall me likey though post more plz |
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#3 |
FFR Veteran
![]() ![]() Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,250
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![]() I'd like to echo moches review. Say the poem aloud and listen to what your voice does when it reaches certain words and end of lines. A flowing rhythm is just as important as content or message in a poem. Utilizing meter, alliteration, and punctuation are the simplest forms of helping a poem out.
I'd definitely be up for a "Show your poem off here" type thread. I'd like to share some my better stuff, and it would also give me reason to write more. Here's the last poem I wrote immediately before my first break from writing (I'm currently in my second break). |
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#5 |
FFR Player
Join Date: Mar 2007
Age: 31
Posts: 944
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![]() yeah i was hoping to make a thread kind of like that
![]() and your poem is pretty cool. some lines don't flow too well but eh this isn't like a rap or something. i like the overall theme about the writer's problems about poetry lol |
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#6 | |
FFR Veteran
![]() ![]() Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,250
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Have at it. Make the tread. |
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