DDR skillz

SotN · 12-8-2002, 07:44 PM

If anyone can find the website this is originally from, that would help. alot. I copied this from someone else, who copied it from someone else, who copied it from someone else, etc.

Average White Guy Alpha

Difficulty: Very Easy

Freestyle Moves: Falling, getting injured, failure

Average white guy alpha is just your plain old ordinary joe. Aged 14 to 35, average white guy alpha has no experience with Dance Dance Revolution, actual dancing, or coordination in general. He will lurk in a crowd surrounding the Dance Dance machine, and hop on when people start losing interest to avoid embarrassment. He will be completely overwhelmed by even the simplest stage, tripping over his own feet and often hitting his opponent accidently with flailing, uncoordinated limbs. Despite this, he is a persistent fellow, and will play until he runs out of money which was meant to be used for his lunch or insulin. Chances are that most people reading this are potential Average White Guy Alphas. Defeat him by simply avoiding playing like a retard.

Average White Guy Beta

Difficulty: Fair

Freestyle Moves: none

Having a similar background to Average White Guy Alpha, Average White Guy Beta has several weeks of Dance Dance Revolution experience under his belt. While not incredible, Average White Guy Beta can actually complete some dances, as opposed to his bumbling counterpart. Like Alpha, Beta has an incredible sense of determination, and will being to take on opponents far more skilled than he is. However, due to Average White Guy genetics, his skill can never increase, only plateau. This will not discourage Average White Guy beta, as he insists that he will get better some day. On a side note, look for him at clubs and bars trying to dance using Dance Dance maneuvers. Also, look for him to have no success with this. To overcome this adversary, you must psych him out. Point to a girl, and tell him that she was impressed by his dancing. Ideally, this should be a girl you don't know and would never want to talk to. He will eventually confront her about this and get crushed, leading you to an easy victory. Bonus point: Girl will get eternally creeped out.

Cutesy Girly Girl

Diffuculty: Fair

Freestyle Moves: Mid-dance Ponytail Removal, hands on hips, random Backstreet Boys hand motions

The Cutesy Girly Girl never discovers Dance Dance herself. Rather, she is either related to, or the girlfriend of Average White Guy Alpha or Beta. Taking to the game like she took to Barbies, The Cutesy Girly Girl will do everything in the most feminine way she possibly can. She will also memorize all song lyrics instantly and sing them as she dances, living out her Brittany Spears fantasies on the pad. While she has roughly a fifty percent chance of being attractive, she has a one hundred percent chance of being irritating and deserving of blows. The only way to put a handle on this situation is to destroy her confidence by dropping subtle hints about her weight problem. Whether she has one or not. This will cause her to dance so hard in a vain attempt to burn calories that she will pass out and her heart will explode, destroying one city block.

Big, Scary Guy Who is Surprisingly Amazing

Difficulty: High

Freestyle Moves: Tap dancing, Jazz hands, other things uncharacteristic of huge, scary men.

He strolls into the arcade with a heavy thud. All eyes turn to the room when he enters, each voice silent. Silent in fear of what this man will do. Is he here to rob people? To steal your money, and beat you to a pulp? To rape the youngest of the world's children? No, not at all. This man is here for a rousing game of the Dance Dance. His long, greasy hair and long, shaggy beard are distracting enough to shake even the bravest of players. Don't be afraid though, because generally these people are harmless. To win, you have to look past your fears, usually achieved by drinking and wearing shirts that say "No Fear."

Flamboyant Homosexual Man

Difficulty: Medium

Freestyle Moves: Shouting, being sassy, "The Bump"

Shouting catchphrases like "You go girl," or "Bootyliscious" in front of a wide audience of arcade spectators, the Flamboyant Homosexual Man is perhaps the easiest opponent of all to spot. Usually, the man is not of the small, petite variety of gay man. Instead, they tend to be older, rugged, hairy men who enjoy being surrounded by young boys. Dancing in a more feminine manner than most strippers, the Flamboyant Homosexual Man is not a terrible challenge as far as the game goes. Rather, it is merely a terrible ordeal to play against him, win or lose. Either way, you'll have endured ass slapping, blown kisses, and will have been called "Honey" on at least three non-consecutive occasions. Winning strategy? Keep your girlfriend no less than three feet away at any point in time to reaffirm your already questionably sexuality.

Actual Professional Dancer

Difficulty: Hard

Freestyle Moves: Pirouette

Just like the name would imply, the Actual Professional Dancer is an actual, professional dancer. They know the real moves, and throw them in your face every two seconds. This is one of the most irritating opponents you can face in your time as a Dance Dance dancer. An interesting fact, these are often not very good at the game itself. But their actual dance sways and hip dance lingo is enough to intimidate most opponents enough to make him quite troublesome. The simplest way to beat this guy is to take him head on. Since observing him move and speak like a dancer can only hurt your performance, it's best if you mutilate your eyes and ears beforehand. If you were born deaf and blind, more power to you in this situation. In every other situation, you should stay the hell away from me so I don't catch blindness, freak.

Local Insane Arcade Junkie

Difficulty: Hard

Freestyle Moves: Dropping to knees, jumping over safety rail, furious hopping.

The Local Insane Arcade junkie is not a hard creature to spot. Always adorned with some combination of a Hawaiian Shirt and sunglasses, despite temperature or light, the local insane arcade junkie is not just amazing at Dance Dance, but at every game. If you decide to take him on at Tekken, Street Fighter, or Super Fireman Racer Bang (Japanese audiences only), the results will be exactly the same: You fucking lose. He is a master of the electronic arts, and packs more quarters than a game of Football. Although football games only have four quarters, you should still figure out the point of that last statement, which has escaped me at the moment. He isn't in the game for the money, or for the fame. He plays it because he has to. He plays the Dance Dance just because it's there. The best technique for taking down this opponent is to simply point out the newer, fancier Sega game in the corner. He will divert his precious resources to watching that, and victory will be ripe for the taking.

Overcompensating Macho Dude

Difficulty: Very Easy

Freestyle Moves: Giving the finger, racial profiling, swearing a lot, punching the machine / you

Often hanging in the background making snide remarks about how stupid and gay people look while playing Dance Dance, these people often decide to step up to the plate in a brief moment of weakness. Be it sheer curiosity, closet homosexuality, or their need to be the best at everything, they will play the game exactly one time. No more, no less. While playing, they will purposely be as slow and awkward as possible, all the while talking about how they're too manly to play the game right. When it is over, their pride will be so crushed by their loss that they will never set foot on a Dance Dance mat again. However, they will claim the reason for this is that it made them feel like "a fucking ***" and that the game is "for fucking fags." Defeat this lovable character by saying he looks like a fucking ***, and perhaps convince the Flamboyant Homosexual Man to give him a wink. Victory will be yours.

Jive Talking African-American Nerd

Difficulty: High

Freestyle Moves: Breakdancing, high jumping, jump and jive.

Back in his upper-middle class suburban home, he seems like any other teen. But when he's surrounded by skinny and fat white men in an arcade, he suddenly becomes the Jive Talking African American Nerd. A smart, promising young lad with aspirations and dreams, he never had an opportunity to live the thug lifestyle he always wanted. Now, suddenly imbued with a flare and power he has never before felt, the nigh super-human man will spontaneously and randomly transform into jive talking, break dancing, Krystal drinking bling bling nightmare. Ninety nine percent of the time, when approached by an actual colored man, they will shy away terrified. They tend to be overweight, as well as surprisingly uncoordinated for an African American. Despite this, they can "Bust up the floor, yo" when the Dance Dance is hopping. Defeat him by stating that you are one quarter black. They will instantly award victory to you, and shout "So that's where you got it from!"

Ten Year Old Asian Girl

Difficulty: Impossible

Freestyle Moves: Backflip, kung fu, handstands, any number of other moves that will make you look like a pathetic wiener in comparison.

The Ten Year Old Asian Girl is probably the most difficult opponent you will encounter in your Dance Dance Career. Seemingly an innocent little girl, she has feet of fury and a thirst for destruction. Your destruction. Somehow a master of both the deadly and erotic arts of the dance by age ten, the girl is impossible to follow. An enigma, the ten year old Asian girl will appear from nowhere when a crowd forms around the Dance Dance machine. After undeniably trampling over all competitors, she will giggle, say "Sank you!" and run off into the wind, never to be heard from again. Until the next time, that is. Giving you a strategy to defeat her is pointless, because it is simply impossible. Anyone who says otherwise is a dirty liar and most certainly deserves death.

**nestlekwik** · 12-8-2002, 09:51 PM

I could have sworn it was off of www.somethingawful.com.
The best part about it is the pictures that go with each description.

jewpinthethird · 12-8-2002, 11:32 PM

Yeah it is off of www.somethingawful.com.

Klaymen · 12-9-2002, 06:46 PM

i can't find it

**87x** · 12-16-2002, 06:52 PM

HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH that was too funny, ahhahaha i can actually remeber times ive been around a DDR machine and ive seen just about all these people except the Flarant Homosexual...... (thank god)

EDIT:Its in the guides section...

Arch0wl · 12-17-2002, 07:51 PM

Little asian girl sucks. I beat her in a PA battle.

Okay of all seriousness, this is pissing me off. Just because someone is asian does not mean they are better than all the other races at games. A lot of the best players in the USA are white that I know of.

AcidPhiRe · 12-17-2002, 11:39 PM

I know a couple white people that are beyond amazing
Ver2 is one of em, so is Jas, know many a good PAers around here that aren't asian, but also a few awesome ones that are

Race don't matter, neither does how big you are.

Arch0wl · 12-18-2002, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AcidPhiRe

I know a couple white people that are beyond amazing
Ver2 is one of em, so is Jas, know many a good PAers around here that aren't asian, but also a few awesome ones that are

Race don't matter, neither does how big you are.

AcidPhiRE = teh winnar

FFRdaveg · 06-5-2003, 06:50 PM

i am the best at ddr you fools suck

lol j/k

12-8-2002, 07:44 PM	#1
SotN FFR Player Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 1,159	DDR skillz If anyone can find the website this is originally from, that would help. alot. I copied this from someone else, who copied it from someone else, who copied it from someone else, etc. Average White Guy Alpha Difficulty: Very Easy Freestyle Moves: Falling, getting injured, failure Average white guy alpha is just your plain old ordinary joe. Aged 14 to 35, average white guy alpha has no experience with Dance Dance Revolution, actual dancing, or coordination in general. He will lurk in a crowd surrounding the Dance Dance machine, and hop on when people start losing interest to avoid embarrassment. He will be completely overwhelmed by even the simplest stage, tripping over his own feet and often hitting his opponent accidently with flailing, uncoordinated limbs. Despite this, he is a persistent fellow, and will play until he runs out of money which was meant to be used for his lunch or insulin. Chances are that most people reading this are potential Average White Guy Alphas. Defeat him by simply avoiding playing like a retard. Average White Guy Beta Difficulty: Fair Freestyle Moves: none Having a similar background to Average White Guy Alpha, Average White Guy Beta has several weeks of Dance Dance Revolution experience under his belt. While not incredible, Average White Guy Beta can actually complete some dances, as opposed to his bumbling counterpart. Like Alpha, Beta has an incredible sense of determination, and will being to take on opponents far more skilled than he is. However, due to Average White Guy genetics, his skill can never increase, only plateau. This will not discourage Average White Guy beta, as he insists that he will get better some day. On a side note, look for him at clubs and bars trying to dance using Dance Dance maneuvers. Also, look for him to have no success with this. To overcome this adversary, you must psych him out. Point to a girl, and tell him that she was impressed by his dancing. Ideally, this should be a girl you don't know and would never want to talk to. He will eventually confront her about this and get crushed, leading you to an easy victory. Bonus point: Girl will get eternally creeped out. Cutesy Girly Girl Diffuculty: Fair Freestyle Moves: Mid-dance Ponytail Removal, hands on hips, random Backstreet Boys hand motions The Cutesy Girly Girl never discovers Dance Dance herself. Rather, she is either related to, or the girlfriend of Average White Guy Alpha or Beta. Taking to the game like she took to Barbies, The Cutesy Girly Girl will do everything in the most feminine way she possibly can. She will also memorize all song lyrics instantly and sing them as she dances, living out her Brittany Spears fantasies on the pad. While she has roughly a fifty percent chance of being attractive, she has a one hundred percent chance of being irritating and deserving of blows. The only way to put a handle on this situation is to destroy her confidence by dropping subtle hints about her weight problem. Whether she has one or not. This will cause her to dance so hard in a vain attempt to burn calories that she will pass out and her heart will explode, destroying one city block. Big, Scary Guy Who is Surprisingly Amazing Difficulty: High Freestyle Moves: Tap dancing, Jazz hands, other things uncharacteristic of huge, scary men. He strolls into the arcade with a heavy thud. All eyes turn to the room when he enters, each voice silent. Silent in fear of what this man will do. Is he here to rob people? To steal your money, and beat you to a pulp? To rape the youngest of the world's children? No, not at all. This man is here for a rousing game of the Dance Dance. His long, greasy hair and long, shaggy beard are distracting enough to shake even the bravest of players. Don't be afraid though, because generally these people are harmless. To win, you have to look past your fears, usually achieved by drinking and wearing shirts that say "No Fear." Flamboyant Homosexual Man Difficulty: Medium Freestyle Moves: Shouting, being sassy, "The Bump" Shouting catchphrases like "You go girl," or "Bootyliscious" in front of a wide audience of arcade spectators, the Flamboyant Homosexual Man is perhaps the easiest opponent of all to spot. Usually, the man is not of the small, petite variety of gay man. Instead, they tend to be older, rugged, hairy men who enjoy being surrounded by young boys. Dancing in a more feminine manner than most strippers, the Flamboyant Homosexual Man is not a terrible challenge as far as the game goes. Rather, it is merely a terrible ordeal to play against him, win or lose. Either way, you'll have endured ass slapping, blown kisses, and will have been called "Honey" on at least three non-consecutive occasions. Winning strategy? Keep your girlfriend no less than three feet away at any point in time to reaffirm your already questionably sexuality. Actual Professional Dancer Difficulty: Hard Freestyle Moves: Pirouette Just like the name would imply, the Actual Professional Dancer is an actual, professional dancer. They know the real moves, and throw them in your face every two seconds. This is one of the most irritating opponents you can face in your time as a Dance Dance dancer. An interesting fact, these are often not very good at the game itself. But their actual dance sways and hip dance lingo is enough to intimidate most opponents enough to make him quite troublesome. The simplest way to beat this guy is to take him head on. Since observing him move and speak like a dancer can only hurt your performance, it's best if you mutilate your eyes and ears beforehand. If you were born deaf and blind, more power to you in this situation. In every other situation, you should stay the hell away from me so I don't catch blindness, freak. Local Insane Arcade Junkie Difficulty: Hard Freestyle Moves: Dropping to knees, jumping over safety rail, furious hopping. The Local Insane Arcade junkie is not a hard creature to spot. Always adorned with some combination of a Hawaiian Shirt and sunglasses, despite temperature or light, the local insane arcade junkie is not just amazing at Dance Dance, but at every game. If you decide to take him on at Tekken, Street Fighter, or Super Fireman Racer Bang (Japanese audiences only), the results will be exactly the same: You fucking lose. He is a master of the electronic arts, and packs more quarters than a game of Football. Although football games only have four quarters, you should still figure out the point of that last statement, which has escaped me at the moment. He isn't in the game for the money, or for the fame. He plays it because he has to. He plays the Dance Dance just because it's there. The best technique for taking down this opponent is to simply point out the newer, fancier Sega game in the corner. He will divert his precious resources to watching that, and victory will be ripe for the taking. Overcompensating Macho Dude Difficulty: Very Easy Freestyle Moves: Giving the finger, racial profiling, swearing a lot, punching the machine / you Often hanging in the background making snide remarks about how stupid and gay people look while playing Dance Dance, these people often decide to step up to the plate in a brief moment of weakness. Be it sheer curiosity, closet homosexuality, or their need to be the best at everything, they will play the game exactly one time. No more, no less. While playing, they will purposely be as slow and awkward as possible, all the while talking about how they're too manly to play the game right. When it is over, their pride will be so crushed by their loss that they will never set foot on a Dance Dance mat again. However, they will claim the reason for this is that it made them feel like "a fucking *" and that the game is "for fucking fags." Defeat this lovable character by saying he looks like a fucking , and perhaps convince the Flamboyant Homosexual Man to give him a wink. Victory will be yours. Jive Talking African-American Nerd* Difficulty: High Freestyle Moves: Breakdancing, high jumping, jump and jive. Back in his upper-middle class suburban home, he seems like any other teen. But when he's surrounded by skinny and fat white men in an arcade, he suddenly becomes the Jive Talking African American Nerd. A smart, promising young lad with aspirations and dreams, he never had an opportunity to live the thug lifestyle he always wanted. Now, suddenly imbued with a flare and power he has never before felt, the nigh super-human man will spontaneously and randomly transform into jive talking, break dancing, Krystal drinking bling bling nightmare. Ninety nine percent of the time, when approached by an actual colored man, they will shy away terrified. They tend to be overweight, as well as surprisingly uncoordinated for an African American. Despite this, they can "Bust up the floor, yo" when the Dance Dance is hopping. Defeat him by stating that you are one quarter black. They will instantly award victory to you, and shout "So that's where you got it from!" Ten Year Old Asian Girl Difficulty: Impossible Freestyle Moves: Backflip, kung fu, handstands, any number of other moves that will make you look like a pathetic wiener in comparison. The Ten Year Old Asian Girl is probably the most difficult opponent you will encounter in your Dance Dance Career. Seemingly an innocent little girl, she has feet of fury and a thirst for destruction. Your destruction. Somehow a master of both the deadly and erotic arts of the dance by age ten, the girl is impossible to follow. An enigma, the ten year old Asian girl will appear from nowhere when a crowd forms around the Dance Dance machine. After undeniably trampling over all competitors, she will giggle, say "Sank you!" and run off into the wind, never to be heard from again. Until the next time, that is. Giving you a strategy to defeat her is pointless, because it is simply impossible. Anyone who says otherwise is a dirty liar and most certainly deserves death. __________________ 209

12-9-2002, 06:46 PM	#4
Klaymen FFR Player Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 109	i can't find it __________________ Hoborg returned and was ready to build “The Everhood,” a neighborhood that would last forever… so long as nothing went wrong...

06-5-2003, 06:50 PM	#9
FFRdaveg FFR Player Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 68	i am the best at ddr you fools suck lol j/k __________________ Anime, DDR, and a coke.

12-8-2002, 09:51 PM	#2
nestlekwik Retired Staff Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Nestlekwikland, Ohio Age: 42 Posts: 2,317	I could have sworn it was off of www.somethingawful.com. The best part about it is the pictures that go with each description.

12-8-2002, 11:32 PM	#3
jewpinthethird (The Fat's Sabobah) Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Palm Springs, California Posts: 11,711	Yeah it is off of www.somethingawful.com.

12-16-2002, 06:52 PM	#5
87x Retired Staff Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: VA Age: 38 Posts: 4,379	HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH that was too funny, ahhahaha i can actually remeber times ive been around a DDR machine and ive seen just about all these people except the Flarant Homosexual...... (thank god) EDIT:Its in the guides section...

12-17-2002, 07:51 PM	#6
Arch0wl Banned Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: fb.com/a.macdonald.iv Age: 35 Posts: 6,344	Little asian girl sucks. I beat her in a PA battle. Okay of all seriousness, this is pissing me off. Just because someone is asian does not mean they are better than all the other races at games. A lot of the best players in the USA are white that I know of.

12-17-2002, 11:39 PM	#7
AcidPhiRe FFR Player Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 2	I know a couple white people that are beyond amazing Ver2 is one of em, so is Jas, know many a good PAers around here that aren't asian, but also a few awesome ones that are Race don't matter, neither does how big you are.

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