The Futures Embrace, Former Knowledge

[DDRAngel]

The Futures Embrace, Former Knowledge

What the future embraces
No one knows for sure
What the past retains
Creates knowledge everyone claims

Population ever augmenting
Contemporary reports of almost 300 million
Increasing over forty thousand a year
I speculate over-population is near

Childhood steadily becomes drawn out
Companionship achieved later
Married with children at thirteen was customary
Twenty-five is contemporary

Marriage was once sacred
Divorce uncommon
One in every three currently stuck with this blow
The devastating rate not likely to slow

Education becomes more complicated
College was not required
Now admittance becomes emulous and rough
In the future will this higher education be enough?

Our history has always been colored; light and dark
All races under authoritative powers, some merciless and intimidating
All men are created equal now covers all
We will embrace the knowledge; it will not be our downfall

The skies will be dirty
The water will be polluted
We will run out of gas
Without improvement, this may be our fate, alas.

Telegraphs, telephones, and light bulbs; a blast from the past
Internet, cell phones, and Ipods; the current array
Hovercraft cars, teleporters, and human cloning; the future embrace
Will we be able to keep up with the quickening pace?

Politics, economy, ourselves to blame
Catastrophe and happiness
The poor, the rich, the starving and well fed
The only entity that never alters is charge isolated.

The end will come
When will the time permit; this is the conundrum
The apocalypse will arrive, some assume
All I know is that Earth will meet her doom


I'll take comments or criticism.
Tell me what you think.

[FoJaR]

poor vocabulary choices in several places.

subject matter not compelling.

cliche?

[Chromer]

Fojar, I'm still waiting for you to produce some literary work instead of exhaling fecal matter from your mouth everytime you post.

[JurseyRider734]

Originally Posted by Chromer

Fojar, I'm still waiting for you to produce some literary work instead of exhaling fecal matter from your mouth everytime you post.

I don't think you even need to see any literary work from him considering every single thing he says is right.

So shut up.

[FoJaR]

Originally Posted by Chromer

Fojar, I'm still waiting for you to produce some literary work instead of exhaling fecal matter from your mouth everytime you post.

right back at you.

[DDRAngel]

Great now It's a flame board.

Anyways...how is it not compelling?

It's an assignment. I had to write about my predictions for the future and where is the poor vocab?

[FoJaR]

yeah sorry about that, chromer follows me around.

it's just not very original in theme.

about the vocab... you use too much, and in a few places you use the wrong word for the job.

poetry is about brevity and simplicity... that's what seperates it from prose.

the mistake a lot of beginners (no offense, i'm not the Golden God of poetry or anything) make is being too wordy... but in my mind that's not the biggest problem of this poem.

the biggest problem is the subject matter, shit is played son.

[Laharl]

I'm going to have to go with FoJar. Rhyiming doesn't make something poetry. It still reads like prose. There's no particular scheme throughout the poem, making no sense of continuity between passages.

Also, subject matter here has been beaten to death. Gloom and doom about the future is a lot of been there, done that.

[DDRAngel]

And if you didn't catch where I said IT IS AN ASSIGNMENT; I HAD TO PREDICT THE FUTURE. You would OBVIOUSLY understand that I couldn't pick the subject.


Oh yeah Casey, and you're the one to talk about gloom and doom being beaten to death?

[FoJaR]

ZING!

what i'm saying is that you didnt have to make your prediction of the future the way it was. throw in a gnubarb, or the pixie king midor.

forget electronics, pixies are where it's at, man. the pixilogical advances in stardust within the next 20 years will leave you floored. i guarantee it.

writing is not about following set guidelines... it's about captivating your reader, and presenting them with something interesting and entertaining. i mean, guidelines are there for a reason, and you cant forget about them, but you have to remember that to succeed as a writer you must be able to keep the attention of your reader.

[DDRAngel]

*blinks* pixies...

I'm sorry I don't interest YOU throughout the poem...BUT PIXIES?!

This is for AP US History...HISTORY....meaning technology more important things.

Doubt they write about pixies in history.

[FoJaR]

those scheming little bastards are behind everything....

little known fact: hitler was a pixie

[DDRAngel]

Okay? But what does that have to do with predictions of the future?

How could I possibly connect, hitler, pixies, and the future?

[FoJaR]

hitler is bound to rise again.

he's got pixie blood. they always rise again.

[DDRAngel]

No, anyways, what is your definition of prose?

[FoJaR]

prose

n 1: ordinary writing as distinguished from verse

that's dictionary.com's definition of prose, but it sounds good to me.

[esupin]

It seems like the poem is half-lyrical half-prose. It might have been better to just stick with one. I'll give you an example of what I mean:

Population ever augmenting
Contemporary reports of almost 300 million
Increasing over forty thousand a year
I speculate over-population is near

I realize it's a history assignment(I'm in AP History also, and I had to write some cowboy lament speech), but that's what I think.

[FoJaR]

it's not prose at all.

there are lines and stanzas. it is poetry.