12-4-2005, 08:42 PM
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#1 |
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CHOCK FULL O' NUTRIENTS
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: A Denny's Bathroom.
Age: 36
Posts: 6,571
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The Rematch (MATURE CONTENT WARNING)
The phone rang in the spartan apartment, startling the creature to consciousness.
“What? What the fuck do you want?” “We need you to race again.” He sighed into the phone. “I’m not sure I’m up for it.” “You’d better be. We have your mother.” “My mother died six years ago.” “Well… We have… Just race for us.” “Alright, I will. Just give me some money. You know how expensive my habits are.” “We’ve already wired $20,000 to your account. Don’t spend it all in one place.” The line clicked. The Hare sighed, hanging up the phone. He reached into the drawer, grabbing a new syringe. The spoon was heavy in his hands, but felt right. The Hare placed the cotton ball into the spoon slowly and lit the match under it. In two minutes, he was in heaven. Across town in a small warehouse, the Tortoise watched the screen carefully. There was another turtle on cam in the shower, the Tortoise watched, never blinking. It startled him when the phone rang, spilling out of his chair and across the floor on his back. “This is going to take a while.” The entire time he was righting himself, the phone rang. On the other end was a voice the Tortoise hadn’t heard in years. “Hello, Tortoise.” “Who is this?” “You know who it is, slow boy.” Memories flooded back. The bright green pasture, the racing path, and passing that goddamned Hare as he napped beneath the tree. The Hare had lost everything after that race, while the Tortoise gained everything he wanted. Fame, fortune… But when it all faded away, the simple truth remained: No one wanted to be friends with a Tortoise. He had purchased the warehouse with his winnings and paid a fair amount of money for cameras to be placed in specific showers, placed throughout Happy Town. The only people who knew the existence of the cameras was the Tortoise and the man who installed them. But no one talked to the Muffin Man, either. “Hare?” “You want that feeling again? You want to feel happy to be alive? I know you sit all alone in that stone outhouse masturbating to cameras. There’s a lot I’ve found out about you, Tortoise.” “What do you want, Hare?” “A re-match. A simple re-match is all it will take and then I’ll be out of your… hair, forever. Pardon the pun.” “Why? What would that prove? Even if you won-“ “Don’t ask. If you don’t comply, everyone will know what you do when you’re all alone- and let’s face it: That’s all the time.” “Alright. When? Where?” Hare spat the details into the phone, coming off of his high. “I’ll be there,” Tortoise said solemnly, hanging up the phone. Two weeks later, Tortoise stepped out into the sunlight for the first time in a year. The sun shined brightly down onto Happy Town, the houses smiling, dancing to the beat of Happy Music. Tortoise pulled out a cigarette. “Now I remember why I shut it all out.” A Happy Mushroom ran up to Tortoise. “What are you doing-“ Tortoise balled his hand into fist and threw it against the Mushroom. “Not today, ******.” He slowly but surely began his way to the track. Hare shot up, tossed the spoon, vomited, ate ramen noodles, shot up again and walked outside. There was a single camera standing outside of his door, laughing and smiling. “Well hay there HARE! Got any NEWS on the big RACE for US?!” Hare whipped the unmarked can out from behind his back, spraying the lens. “I’m a living MACHINE! You think MACE will hurt ME?! I love YOU! I love EVERYONE!” “That’s not mace, asshole.” The last thing the camera recorded was the burning match flying towards the lens. A crowd had gathered at the track, awaiting the rematch. They were shocked at the Hare. His skin was taught, his ribs poking out, his face pallid, his fur clumped and matted. Track marks led up his arms to his bloodshot eyes, his ears bent at funny angles. He stood on two feet and lit a joint as he stepped up to the starting line. The Tortoise trundled up to the track, his skin leathery in the light, cracked and bleeding in some points. He was no longer the lush green he had been during the first race; he was a pale, pea soup green. The overlong ash dropped from his cigarette as the stopped at the starting line. The Tortoise and the Hare exchanged glances. A voice boomed over a speaker system, high, shrill and unmistakable. “HELLO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WELCOME TO THE REMATCH!” The Tortoise turned to face the voice. High on a makeshift wooden stage stood the man in the red and white pinstripe suit. The white gloves met at the end of his arms. The only part of his body uncovered was his head; a delicious banana-nut muffin sat atop his neck. Tortoise grimaced. “The motherfucking Muffin Man.” Hare chuckled. “Who else would set this up?” “PLACE YOUR BETS! HAPPY COINS ACCEPTED! SIX TO ONE ODDS AGAINST TORTOISE! HE’S BOUND TO LOSE AGAIN!” “Oh, thanks for the fucking vote of confidence,” but Tortoise’s words were lost over the cheer of the crowd. “ON YOUR MARK! GET SET! GOOO!” Cheers erupted as Hare ran, taking the lead. Tortoise trundled behind, moving slowly. He wasn’t going to pull another miracle out of his ass this time; Hare was in it to win it. Hare disappeared over the crest of the hill. Tortoise found his body, twisted over a trip wire; neck broken. “Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch, son of a bitch. He rigged it. The Muffin Man rigged it.” Hare gasped. “Oh, hey there, asshole.” He coughed, blood coming out of his mouth and onto Tortoise’s face. “Looks like you’re going to win again.” “Can’t help that. He rigged it, you know?” “I had a feeling. I had a feeling I wouldn’t win. Can’t ever… Win.” Tortoise grabbed a rock and bashed it against Hare’s skull, ending his pain. Tortoise crossed the finish line first, to the cheers of the crowd. No one asked where Hare was; a young Happy Tree had seen him curled beneath a bush, sneaking forty winks. “Oh, history repeats itself,” a Happy Fish had cried at the end of the race. The Muffin Man winked at Tortoise. The suicide note was brief. “The Muffin Man bet on me. He made money. A lot of it. He killed the Hare to make sure I would win; I can’t live like that anymore. When you find this note, it’ll be pinned against the gaudy pinstripe suit he wears so proudly. I’m not for heaven. Not getting there, no matter how slow or steady I take it. Tortoise.” The banana spatter across the wall showed the bullet had entered from below the Muffin Man’s wax paper wrapping. Something small had shot him. And across the gaudy, red and white pinstriped room sat the Tortoise, short one head. Slow and steady… Wins the race. - Mal
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"A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline." "Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, Ill give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback! |
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12-4-2005, 08:50 PM
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#2 |
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FFR Player
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Fremont, California
Age: 33
Posts: 2,437
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RE: The Rematch (MATURE CONTENT WARNING)
Nice story. Again, sorta creepy, but I enjoyed it. Keep them coming Mal!
O_o
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pyro31191: TELL EVERYONE YOU WANT TO TAKE IT IN THE ASS NOW pyro31191: rofl pyro31191: You should tell them earlier though pyro31191: so they can buy dildos instead of fleshlights |
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12-4-2005, 09:00 PM
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#3 |
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~Bang that beat Harder~
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 2,321
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RE: The Rematch (MATURE CONTENT WARNING)
I thought the tortoise would eat the muffin. Still, I found it very enjoyable.
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12-4-2005, 09:23 PM
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#4 |
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auauauau
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Hee-Haw!
Age: 35
Posts: 8,897
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RE: The Rematch (MATURE CONTENT WARNING)
Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaat rocked. I kinda wish the race itself was a little drawn out more, but thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat rocked.
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12-4-2005, 09:27 PM
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#5 |
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GotR Creator
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Vi sitter hr i venten Current Band: The National
Age: 36
Posts: 7,251
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RE: The Rematch (MATURE CONTENT WARNING)
BADASS.
Another excellent story.
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12-4-2005, 09:33 PM
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#6 |
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Away from Computer
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Massachusetts
Age: 33
Posts: 1,901
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RE: The Rematch (MATURE CONTENT WARNING)
Rofl
that was hilarious in a "wow I should really be sad after that but I think its funny" kind of way good work, XD
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12-4-2005, 09:57 PM
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#7 |
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FFR Player
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 367
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RE: The Rematch (MATURE CONTENT WARNING)
Haha, nice.
The way it switches moods very quickly is done quite well, I think. Awesome. |
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12-4-2005, 10:11 PM
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#8 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Skaia
Age: 21
Posts: 2,846
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RE: The Rematch (MATURE CONTENT WARNING)
That was genius.
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12-5-2005, 01:26 AM
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#9 | |
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aka uAnimals
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Soundcloud.com/uAnimals
Age: 37
Posts: 4,050
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RE: The Rematch (MATURE CONTENT WARNING)
My friend and I were laughing the whole way through :P
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12-7-2005, 07:17 PM
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#10 |
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FFR Player
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: where ever you aren't
Age: 33
Posts: 1,671
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RE: The Rematch (MATURE CONTENT WARNING)
Mo-fo Muffin Man.
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