The Joke Thread

[robertsona]

a horse walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face

the horse, being a horse, is confused by its surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables

[MarioNintendo]

Once upon a time, a man stepped in a café.

Splash

[richyrich55]

Originally Posted by ninjaKIWI

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Dave.

Dave who?

Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him

This shit had me on the floor lmaoooooo

[All_That_Chaz]

I bet you kids like dick jokes.

My dick is so big, there's still snow on it in the summertime.
My dick is so big, I have to call it "Mr. Dick" in front of company.
My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls.
My dick is so big, it graduated a year ahead of me in high school.
My dick has an elevator and a lobby.
My dick has better credit than I do.
My dick is so big, it was once overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as The Democratic Republic of My Dick.
My dick is so big, I'm already f***ing a girl tomorrow.
My dick is so big, ships use it to find their way into the harbor.
My dick is so big, there was a movie called "Godzilla vs. My Dick."
My dick is so big, I entered it in the big dick contest and it came in first, second, and third.
My dick is so big, it has a 3-picture deal.
My dick is so big, its head has only seen my balls in pictures.
No matter where I go, my dick always gets there first.
My dick hit .370 in the minors before it hurt its knee.
My dick is so big, I use the Eiffel Tower as a french tickler.
My dick is so big, when it rains the head doesn't get wet.
My dick is so big, I would wear it as a tie if I wasn't afraid of getting a hard-on and killing myself.
My dick is so big, it has feet.
My dick is so big, a homeless family lives underneath it.
My dick is so big, my mother was in labor for three extra days.
My dick is so big, they use the bullet train to test my condoms.
My dick is so big, it has investors.
My dick is so big, it has its own Wheaties box.
My dick is so big, every time I get a hard on it causes a solar eclipse.
My dick is so big, it only plays arenas.
If you cut my dick in two you can tell how old I am.
My dick is so big, that we're all a part of it, and it's all a part of us.
My dick is so big, it has its own dick, and even my dick's dick is bigger than your dick.
My dick is so big, I have to check it as luggage when I fly.
My dick is so big, it has a retractable dome.
My dick is so big, it has stairs up the center like the statue of liberty.
My dick is so big, there's a sneaker named "Air My Dick."
My dick is so big, I'm it's b****.
My dick is so big, it's against the law to f*** me without protective headgear.
My dick is so big, Steven Hawking has a theory about it.
My dick is so big, it has its own gravity.
Nasa once launched a space probe to search for the tip of my dick.
My dick is so big, it's impossible to see all of it without a satellite.
The inside of my dick contains billions and billions of stars.
My dick is so big, movie theaters now sell popcorn in Small, Medium, Large, and My Dick.
My dick is so big, it violates 17 zoning laws.
My dick is so big, it has a 50 yard-line.
My dick is so big, I was once in Ohio and got a b***job in Tennessee.
My dick is so big, when it's Eastern Standard Time at the tip it's Central Mountain Time at my balls.
My dick is so big, it only tips with hundreds.
My dick is so big, the city was going to build a statue of it but they ran out of cement.
My dick is so big, Michael Jackson wants to build an amusement park on it.
My dick is so big, when I get a hard-on my eyebrows get pulled down to my neck.
My dick is so big, it only comes to work when it feels like it.
My dick is so big, it has an agent. My dick's people will call your people. Let's have lunch with my dick.
My dick is so big, it's right behind you.

[PaperclipGames]

I'd hate to have such a big dick.

[Emithith]

I saw this somewhere on FFR I think. Or not. But most likely here.

What do you call it when an 6 year old loses her virginity?

Loli Pop.

[ninjaKIWI]

Really old, but

What's so great about twenty two year olds?

There's twenty of them

[rushyrulz]

If you cut my dick in two you can tell how old I am.
My dick is so big, it has its own dick, and even my dick's dick is bigger than your dick.
My dick is so big, I was once in Ohio and got a b***job in Tennessee.

^only ones that were funny from that list IMO.

[Xx{Midnight}xX]

Bmah is a good stepartist

~

[justin_ator]

Badum tsss

[All_That_Chaz]

Originally Posted by rushyrulz

^only ones that were funny from that list IMO.

Everyone always has different favorites when I start rattling them off. The blowjob in Tennessee one is particularly popular though.

[Kiani_cc]

A Man buys a Lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner:

Dad: Son where were you today during school hours? Son: At school (robot slaps son)

Son: Okay I went to the movies! Dad: Which one? Son: Harry Potter (robot slaps again!)

Son: Okay I was watching porn. Dad: What? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was! (robot slaps dad) Mom: hahahahaha ! after all he is your Son!(robot slaps Mom)

[rushyrulz]

lol^

[kjman472]

How much dub could a dubstep dub if a dubstep could step dub?

[Snowcrafta]

Why don't black people have dreams?

The last one that did got shot

ps chaz dirty jokes and beer much?

[All_That_Chaz]

I don't have the book. I have an mp3 file of him saying all those jokes. I never claimed they were my own. It was a game my friends and I played at parties in college - trying to see how many of them we could remember.

[rushyrulz]

holy crap that's racist, but extremely funny Snowcrafta.

[Kiani_cc]

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home.

They are about to kiss each other goodnight, but the guy is feeling a little horny.

With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her "Darling, would you give me a blow job?"

Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

Him: "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

Her: "No way. It's just too risky!"

Him (horny as hell): "Oh please, please, I love you so much!"

Her: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"

Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?"

Her: "No, no. I just can't"

Him: "I beg you... "

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says:

"Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for god sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom.."

[justin_ator]

LOL oops

[Emithith]

Originally Posted by justin_ator

LOL oops

Epic win though. lmao