Banged this one out in 10 minutes last night...

[igotrhythm]

Some of you may remember that I wrote a short story in multiple chapters a few months ago...well, last night someone asked me to write a poem for them. Caught off guard, I pulled stuff out of my ass, but in the end, she ended up thinking it was pretty good. I'd like to see what you guys think.

Title: Step Mania

The arrows scroll without a rest or pause
Unless the maker wishes otherwise,
And your job, soon to be your lifelong cause;
To hit them all and show them who is wise.

The patterns unknown to the untrained eye,
Including running men and even jacks,
Will challenge you without a reason why
Unless you give those keys some good old whacks.

But should you join in this old keyboard craze,
The Websites to this end are more than few.
And if you find your way through this new maze,
You just might be a Step Maniac, too.

With every "Marvelous" that goes on, day by day,
You find that life does not get in the way.

[revolutionomega]

Fail unless you add a fast beat and can actually do it quickly.
Stepmania/ffr songs are lame

[YaBoySM]

Nice poem

[mead1]

In the first stanza, you rhyme otherwise with wise.

I really wanted to say mean things about this, but other than that and it's subject matter, the poem is solid. Solid as in there's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing really standout about it, but it's probably the most well composed poem about stepmania ever to exist.

[MalReynolds]

To the thread title:

That's what she said.

[Jtehanonymous]

Originally Posted by MalReynolds

To the thread title:
That's what she said.

Haha, my first thoughts when I read the title.

But then I read the OP and liked the poem. It was cool. Parts of it don't seem to flow as nicely as others when read aloud, but the idea compensates for that. xD.

[funmonkey54]

Originally Posted by MalReynolds

To the thread title:

That's what she said.

In my pants.

[virus003]

Originally Posted by MalReynolds

To the thread title:

That's what she said.

Lmfao the thread title was win.

[All_That_Chaz]

Pretty good. I can't believe you wrote a sonnet about Stepmania, haha. It was entertaining enough and there isn't a whole lot wrong with the basic things I hope for in here being coherency and good spelling and grammar.

So level 2 of my criticism will have a lot to do with the form of the poem.

1) Like mead said, don't rhyme "otherwise" with "wise."
2) I'm not crazy about your b and c rhymes, ise and eye. They're too similar and the feeling it creates is jarring.
3) Unless you give those keys some good old whacks. --The diction in this line is a bit low. I know it fits the rhyme scheme but I think you should find a better way to say it. I'd abandon the word "whacks."
4) You just might be a Step Maniac, too. --The stressed syllables are bolded. You only have four feet, you need to restructure the line so it has 5, with 5 stressed syllables. I realize that maybe you could put a stress on "Step" but if that's the case it breaks the iambic pentameter.
5) With every "Marvelous" that goes on, day by day, --This line has 6 feet, reduce it to 10 syllables.

Overall good job. With these changes you'll have a nice little sonnet =p.

Oh, and

Originally Posted by mead1

it's probably the most well composed poem about stepmania ever to exist.

Is that a challenge?