Hello i am every girl you've ever met.

Xx{Midnight}xX · 01-12-2008, 11:48 PM

I heard this story on a radio show and i thought it was so funny to post it here:

Knock knock

Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in.

Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment.

You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don't know what the hell that's thing's all about, but I bought it.

Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I ****ing love candles!

Come on into the living room.

Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Hey, let's check out the kitchen.

Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that.

And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all bitches.

Let's go back into the hallway!

Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papizan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back...

Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go!

Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe.

Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales.

Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute!

Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out.

Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on!

See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you!

Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back.

I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now.

Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night!

**Coolboyrulez0** · 01-12-2008, 11:55 PM

I can't believe I read all of that.
Well it's true so it was worth it :P

**Redorigami** · 01-12-2008, 11:56 PM

tl;dr...

I wish I could say that but it sucked me in. Hilarious, because it was all so insanely true. At least, when you feel slightly high and sleep deprived. Maybe if I read it tomorrow morning it would have been less funny. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. I feel like telling that to anyone I ever give/get a goodnight kiss to now.

Xx{Midnight}xX · 01-12-2008, 11:58 PM

Ha ha ha

**smartdude1212** · 01-12-2008, 11:59 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHA that was ****ing hilarious

Seriously guys do not tl;dr the OP's post.

**Coolboyrulez0** · 01-13-2008, 12:03 AM

You added a poll?
So....

True!

Xx{Midnight}xX · 01-13-2008, 12:07 AM

I'm just curious so i threw a poll on.

madmatt621 · 01-13-2008, 12:19 AM

Reminds me of that one girl last year on here who claimed Synth knew who she was.

Fun thread.

Xx{Midnight}xX · 01-13-2008, 12:23 AM

Yea i mean the show this was on was great i normally listen for only an hour but this made me listen for two.

**tha Guardians** · 01-13-2008, 01:03 AM

lmfao.

Worth the read. Really...

**foilman8805** · 01-13-2008, 01:07 AM

LOL. That was full of win.

Going to vote 'true' in poll and then wait for some FFR females to 'beg to differ'.

P.S. Any false votes are from girls. If you are a male and you voted false, you are a ****ing traitor.

whatYOUwant · 01-13-2008, 01:10 AM

hahahaaha.
thats all. =)

Xx{Midnight}xX · 01-13-2008, 01:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by foilman8805

LOL. That was full of win.

Going to vote 'true' in poll and then wait for some FFR females to 'beg to differ'.

P.S. Any false votes are from girls. If you are a male and you voted false, you are a ****ing traitor.

I agree even with female your a bloody traitor or your an idiot.

**foilman8805** · 01-13-2008, 01:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xx{Midnight}xX

I agree even with female your a bloody traitor or your an idiot.

I'm not exactly sure what you meant right there...

**Kekeb** · 01-13-2008, 01:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xx{Midnight}xX

your an idiot.

lol

**foilman8805** · 01-13-2008, 02:14 AM

Also, you should edit your poll and make the answers:

TRUE or
TRUE

Rubin0 · 01-13-2008, 02:16 AM

The guys that have never had a date in their life can keep on laughing. Really.

I'll admit it was funny though.

**stretchypanda** · 01-13-2008, 02:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rubin0

The guys that have never had a date in their life can keep on laughing. Really.

I'll admit it was funny though.

Or the guys who presume girls you meet in a bar will be good for anything.

Relambrien · 01-13-2008, 02:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rubin0

The guys that have never had a date in their life can keep on laughing. Really.

I'll admit it was funny though.

Guys who never had a date laugh.
Rubin found this funny.
Funny relates to laughing.

Rubin is a guy who has never had a date, Q.E.D.

Just kidding, <3

Anyway, made me smile. Didn't make me laugh, but made me smile.

ShAiOnEi · 01-13-2008, 02:28 AM

wow will girls ever change?

View Poll Results: True or Flase?
TRUE	55	65.48%
FALSE	29	34.52%
Voters: 84. You may not vote on this poll

01-12-2008, 11:48 PM	#1
Xx{Midnight}xX FFR Player Join Date: Aug 2007 Age: 31 Posts: 8,548	Hello i am every girl you've ever met. I heard this story on a radio show and i thought it was so funny to post it here: Knock knock Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in. Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment. You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don't know what the hell that's thing's all about, but I bought it. Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I ***ing love candles! Come on into the living room. Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Hey, let's check out the kitchen. Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that. And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all bitches. Let's go back into the hallway! Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papizan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back... Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go! Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe. Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales. Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute! Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out. Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on! See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you! Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back. I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now. Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night! Last edited by Xx{Midnight}xX; 01-13-2008 at 12:21 AM..*

01-12-2008, 11:55 PM	#2
Coolboyrulez0 VICES Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Germany Age: 30 Posts: 10,031	Re: Hello i am every girl you've ever met. I can't believe I read all of that. Well it's true so it was worth it :P

01-12-2008, 11:58 PM	#4
Xx{Midnight}xX FFR Player Join Date: Aug 2007 Age: 31 Posts: 8,548	Re: Hello i am every girl you've ever met. Ha ha ha

01-12-2008, 11:59 PM	#5
smartdude1212 2 is poo Join Date: Sep 2005 Age: 32 Posts: 6,687	Re: Hello i am every girl you've ever met. HAHAHAHAHAHA that was ****ing hilarious Seriously guys do not tl;dr the OP's post.

01-13-2008, 12:03 AM	#6
Coolboyrulez0 VICES Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Germany Age: 30 Posts: 10,031	Re: Hello i am every girl you've ever met. You added a poll? So.... True!

01-13-2008, 12:07 AM	#7
Xx{Midnight}xX FFR Player Join Date: Aug 2007 Age: 31 Posts: 8,548	Re: Hello i am every girl you've ever met. I'm just curious so i threw a poll on.

01-13-2008, 12:19 AM	#8
madmatt621 Banned Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: 29°34′7″N, 95°1′21″W Age: 35 Posts: 3,000	Re: Hello i am every girl you've ever met. Reminds me of that one girl last year on here who claimed Synth knew who she was. Fun thread.

01-13-2008, 12:23 AM	#9
Xx{Midnight}xX FFR Player Join Date: Aug 2007 Age: 31 Posts: 8,548	Re: Hello i am every girl you've ever met. Yea i mean the show this was on was great i normally listen for only an hour but this made me listen for two.

01-13-2008, 01:07 AM	#11
foilman8805 smoke wheat hail satin Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: LA baby Age: 35 Posts: 5,704	Re: Hello i am every girl you've ever met. LOL. That was full of win. Going to vote 'true' in poll and then wait for some FFR females to 'beg to differ'. P.S. Any false votes are from girls. If you are a male and you voted false, you are a ****ing traitor.

01-13-2008, 01:10 AM	#12
whatYOUwant FFR Player Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 12	Re: Hello i am every girl you've ever met. hahahaaha. thats all. =)

01-13-2008, 02:14 AM	#16
foilman8805 smoke wheat hail satin Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: LA baby Age: 35 Posts: 5,704	Re: Hello i am every girl you've ever met. Also, you should edit your poll and make the answers: TRUE or TRUE

01-13-2008, 02:16 AM	#17
Rubin0 FFR Player Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: New York Age: 35 Posts: 1,276	Re: Hello i am every girl you've ever met. The guys that have never had a date in their life can keep on laughing. Really. I'll admit it was funny though. __________________ The weight of what I say depends on how you feel.

01-13-2008, 02:28 AM	#20
ShAiOnEi FFR Player Join Date: May 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 1,109	Re: Hello i am every girl you've ever met. wow will girls ever change?

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