This is What it Sounds Like

[esupin]

This is What it Sounds Like

2:18 AM. It’s not as if I like my job, but someone’s got to do it. The septic tank won’t drain itself, if you know what I mean.

And don’t hate me for it. I’m not the crunch Seymour and Adam heard as their car slammed into the guard rail, killing them both. I’m not the clap in Jane’s ear as she pointed the gun at her head, and squeezed the trigger. And don’t you dare blame me for the nagging doubt in the back of Josh’s head a split second before his humvee hit that roadside bomb.

That was you. You all. You humans killed them, not me. That’s not how I work.

That’s not the sound of someone dying. That’s the sound of someone being killed.

There’s a difference. Trust me.

You want to know what it sounds like? What I sound like? Ask Jim.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

5:43 PM. The phone rings. Jim clicks off the television set and picks up the receiver.

“Hey dad, did you see the game?”

“Yeah. Pretty wild, eh? I almost feel sorry for the Colts.”

“I wouldn’t go that far. Polamalu’s pick was legit. The Colts just blew too many chances.”

“…So…Three weeks, huh?”

“Yep.”

“I hope you’ve got something special planned.”

“Of course, dad. Three quarters of a century on the planet calls for a celebration.”
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

9:54 PM. Jim takes off his dentures and climbs into bed.

“I still think we need a bigger TV.”

“Go to sleep, honey. I’m sure you’ll get a shiny new TV in three weeks.”

“I sure hope so. Remember what Timmy got me last year? A damn Penn State sweatshirt. If I had wanted damn a sweatshirt, I would have gone to Wal-Mart.”

“Go to sleep, Jim.”

Jim’s wife reaches over and turns off the light.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

10:07 PM. Jim falls asleep.

Silence.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

12:59 PM. The wind howls, rattling the frame of the house. Deer traverse Jim’s lawn, nibbling on shrubs. Outside, the world continues ‘round, but inside Jim’s bedroom there is only

Silence.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

2:16 AM. And this is what it sounds like when a man dies.

Silence.

[Grandiagod]

Ummm... Maybe I'm just thick, but I don't get it. Maybe God or something? I dunno.

[psychic25]

Short and sweet.

Not bad.

[esupin]

Originally Posted by Grandiagod

Ummm... Maybe I'm just thick, but I don't get it. Maybe God or something? I dunno.

Death.

I guess I was trying to make the point that there is a difference between what he does and what people themselves do. The person who shoots someone is not the work of death. He had nothing to do with it. Death works silently. You don't see him coming.

I dunno. I wrote this right after Indy lost to Pittsburgh. Lol.

[FoJaR]

what's with all the death lately?

y'all on some emo shit.

[esupin]

Not every story that mentions death is emo.
I wouldn't say I was trying to be emo, but maybe it just rubbed off that way.

[FoJaR]

that had nothing to do with your story, i was just commenting on the latest trend.

[Tokzic]

Hate to be honest, but I really didn't like it. The first section was really good - it caught my interest and gave me something to think about. Between the last line suggesting a tale and the casual speech in the next section, I came out thinking, "Oh man, this is going to be a long ride. Cool."

Then I get hit with "Silence silence silence END." I literally felt disappointed, because the first bit really absorbed me. It seemed rushed.

Other than that, not really an original idea - I've read three short stories that are almost carbon copies of this, timed deaths and then at the end "I am death, I like to eat soooouuuls!" But I doubt that first bit was a fluke. Go again, but really go at it this time.

[FoJaR]

i would leave off the last "silence".

[esupin]

I guess you guys missed my point. I was trying to differentiate between being killed(hence the noises) and dying(silence. You never saw it coming). The way I see it(in my story), Death is pissed off because people blame him for deaths that he had nothing to do with(the suicide, wars).