did this for school each part corresponds to a painting in "the voyage of life" by co

[RobertsonaIsBack]

Voyage of Life, Pt. 1: A History of Swathes
I was born into a history of swathes,
asphyxiated by furrowing sheets of white
with just enough empty space in between each layer
for my infant eyes to see the vast expanse of caves and
chambers that surrounded me.
I lay down in the
natural bliss of the newborn, my body barely able to
shift itself from its supine position.
But O! To be ferried out of those cursed grottos,
where all evidence of life was but shadows on the
rocky walls, austere and borderless. I became
aware of myself and of my surroundings; suddenly
I was no longer padlocked inside this cold vessel but instead
on the outside, looking in. But alas! The flash of light,
the cold air in my face: I am gone. What is pleasure
but a vague postcard, misplaced in the peripheral vision of the mind’s eye?

Voyage of Life, Pt. 2: The Dickensian Aspect
The water was a pulsing chord:
the sky was reflected in the water
and the water in the sky. The birds
sang in rhythm to the water lapping upon
the shores of green. Elsewhere,
we saw squirrels kicking up dust trying to bury acorns,
creating little cloudy pools of brown in the lake.
Clouds formed empyrean castles housing friendly beasts
assembling themselves out of aether.
Wind blew and clapped water upon our boat, a sound which
echoed throughout the dome of our sacred landscape
and caused the voles and raccoons to reluctantly come out from
their hiding places between muddy stones and broken twigs.
The sky and the field and the lake all came together and
rang and spun and twisted and shouted and clapped
as we poked our heads under the muddy water,
searching for the Dickensian aspect in the lives of the fish who lived there.

The Voyage of Life, Pt. 3: Contempt
Preacher!: eschew these inept sermons;
the Lord will never forgive those who expect a free pass to eternal life
by rambling. “Consider the lillies of the field. They are beautiful,
as is this whole world. All of God’s creations are beautiful. Consider also
the grizzly bear, searching for honey.” What malfunction,
what delusion is this? Is righteousness measured
in those who are asleep from boredom
in front of you? Nay, I say,
Nay! In deciding whether to use the heart or the
mind to display your false praise, you have chosen
neither. Poet!: you are not exempt. Do you live in dreams?
Those same dreams you are missing by staying up all night,
wracking your brain and wasting ink that could
instead be mercilessly poured into your eyes--let’s see you write about the
beauty of the sky then! You and the abominable preacher are similarly
deluded; do not pretend you are superior simply because you
are aware of your own delusion. Philosophers, scientists, so-called thinkers!:
remove yourselves from my presence; you are the most sickening of all.
Do you really believe that you can unlock the secrets of the universe
with a key that is so misshapen and rusted? I have seen all
and known all, and every truth you envision yourself as
understanding is in lieu of this ultimate revelation:
you are on a deadly river, in a boat that is about to sink.
Perhaps your feeble mind would have been put to better use inventing
yourself a floatation device.

The Voyage of Life, Pt. 4: Slumber
Where am I now?: this opaque labyrinth in which
I began my journey as a lifeless cage, using any power I had
to stare at the gorgeous Nothing placed in front of me. Did I
really begin at all? As nightfall obscures my view, my thoughts
manifest themselves into shapes that project onto
the black canvas in front of me. Was it me in those
dark caverns? Or was I still a spirit floating, simply attaching
myself to this figure? Now, time erases itself: what was the beginning?
The end? What was once rigidly linear is now slowly curling itself up into
a ball; an accumulation of events all happening at once. Is this
my body? Is this my mind that is thinking these thoughts? I cannot see my own
hands; for all I know they could have been sawed off and are now being
used to paddle this boat to an uncharted destination
where I will be greeted by a friendly hostess: “Hello, beautiful.
Did you enjoy your trip?”

[RobertsonaIsBack]

cole* ps yeah i know i just basically hit enter whenever i felt like it deal with it oetry: LOL heay whats up

[radxmad]

Well written, although if I may make a minor suggestion, the "But O!" and "But alas!" sound out of place, and are overused. I'd consider changing/cutting it
Nice job though c:

[kitkat9]

Originally Posted by radxmad

Well written, although if I may make a minor suggestion, the "But O!" and "But alas!" sound out of place, and are overused. I'd consider changing/cutting it

I agree, you have such a strong voice then those come in and it was strange. I also feel that you use "and" a lot more than you need to (possibly go through and count how many times you say "and"). I would suggest cutting some out, take out some of the wordiness, that will make it more powerful text. I really like the prose/poetry format, it goes really well for this piece.

There is some really nice imagery in here, there are some cliche's but I think because your voice is so strong and your wording unique that it's ok in here.

Very nice job

[BruceAdler]

Originally Posted by RobertsonaIsBack

Voyage of Life, Pt. 1: A History of Swathes
I was born into a history of swathes,
asphyxiated by furrowing sheets of white
with just enough empty space in between each layer
for my infant eyes to see the vast expanse of caves and
chambers that surrounded me.
I lay down in the
natural bliss of the newborn, my body barely able to
shift itself from its supine position.
But O! To be ferried out of those cursed grottos,
where all evidence of life was but shadows on the
rocky walls, austere and borderless. I became
aware of myself and of my surroundings; suddenly
I was no longer padlocked inside this cold vessel but instead
on the outside, looking in. But alas! The flash of light,
the cold air in my face: I am gone. What is pleasure
but a vague postcard, misplaced in the peripheral vision of the mind’s eye?

Voyage of Life, Pt. 2: The Dickensian Aspect
The water was a pulsing chord:
the sky was reflected in the water
and the water in the sky. The birds
sang in rhythm to the water lapping upon
the shores of green. Elsewhere,
we saw squirrels kicking up dust trying to bury acorns,
creating little cloudy pools of brown in the lake.
Clouds formed empyrean castles housing friendly beasts
assembling themselves out of aether.
Wind blew and clapped water upon our boat, a sound which
echoed throughout the dome of our sacred landscape
and caused the voles and raccoons to reluctantly come out from
their hiding places between muddy stones and broken twigs.
The sky and the field and the lake all came together and
rang and spun and twisted and shouted and clapped
as we poked our heads under the muddy water,
searching for the Dickensian aspect in the lives of the fish who lived there.

The Voyage of Life, Pt. 3: Contempt
Preacher!: eschew these inept sermons;
the Lord will never forgive those who expect a free pass to eternal life
by rambling. “Consider the lillies of the field. They are beautiful,
as is this whole world. All of God’s creations are beautiful. Consider also
the grizzly bear, searching for honey.” What malfunction,
what delusion is this? Is righteousness measured
in those who are asleep from boredom
in front of you? Nay, I say,
Nay! In deciding whether to use the heart or the
mind to display your false praise, you have chosen
neither. Poet!: you are not exempt. Do you live in dreams?
Each part of your work takes us to a different aspect of human existence.
The first part grabs us from the very beginning, describing the birth and
the first impressions of the newborn. Your words describe the feelings
of loneliness and alienation that we all experience at the beginning
of our journey. I am writing this as a person who was looking for free
samples and found https://studymoose.com/categories for this. I
always like to read someone’s work, but I can’t write anything
myself. Your words penetrate deep into the hearts of readers,
keep up the good work.
Those same dreams you are missing by staying up all night,
wracking your brain and wasting ink that could
instead be mercilessly poured into your eyes--let’s see you write about the
beauty of the sky then! You and the abominable preacher are similarly
deluded; do not pretend you are superior simply because you
are aware of your own delusion. Philosophers, scientists, so-called thinkers!:
remove yourselves from my presence; you are the most sickening of all.
Do you really believe that you can unlock the secrets of the universe
with a key that is so misshapen and rusted? I have seen all
and known all, and every truth you envision yourself as
understanding is in lieu of this ultimate revelation:
you are on a deadly river, in a boat that is about to sink.
Perhaps your feeble mind would have been put to better use inventing
yourself a floatation device.

The Voyage of Life, Pt. 4: Slumber
Where am I now?: this opaque labyrinth in which
I began my journey as a lifeless cage, using any power I had
to stare at the gorgeous Nothing placed in front of me. Did I
really begin at all? As nightfall obscures my view, my thoughts
manifest themselves into shapes that project onto
the black canvas in front of me. Was it me in those
dark caverns? Or was I still a spirit floating, simply attaching
myself to this figure? Now, time erases itself: what was the beginning?
The end? What was once rigidly linear is now slowly curling itself up into
a ball; an accumulation of events all happening at once. Is this
my body? Is this my mind that is thinking these thoughts? I cannot see my own
hands; for all I know they could have been sawed off and are now being
used to paddle this boat to an uncharted destination
where I will be greeted by a friendly hostess: “Hello, beautiful.
Did you enjoy your trip?”

This is a powerful and emotionally rich literary work that evokes deep thought and emotional responses in the reader. I like.