Definition of "Cheating" in relationships

[Kiani_cc]

I have a speech to do and my topic is the title above. I need to see peoples visions of "cheating" in relationships because, of course, every one is different.

[justin_ator]

I'm a jealous person naturally, due to (I believe) my parents' divorce after my dad cheated on my mom, so this might be skewed and might seem a little unreasonable I suppose... Quite honestly I feel like anything more than innocent flirting is cheating. Pretty much just physical things like kissing, excessive touching, sex (duh).

My skewed opinion. I'll elaborate more if need-be.

[UserNameGoesHere]

I'd say it depends on how the boundaries are defined for the particular relationship in question. Each person in a relationship will agree to what is or is not allowed within their particular relationship. If both people have different views as to what is or is not allowed, then they didn't communicate very well and the relationship is doomed anyway.

So one relationship may have very strict rules while another is very lenient. As long as one is within the rules of the relationship, it isn't cheating. Just make sure you define what those rules are beforehand.

It's best to find someone who has similar ideas to you as to what constitutes a relationship (what is allowed/etc...) but as long as both people agree to what is or isn't allowed and stick with it, there's no cheating. If there's confusion as to the rules and one person does what they think is allowed but the other considers it cheating, that's not cheating either -- that's just bad communication and fails the relationship though.

[BethanyBangs]

Aww Justin I'm a jealous person also >: My parents got divorced due to my dad cheating on my mom.. I don't believe in any kind of cheating.
Kissing, even holding hands..touching, sex. If you want another person then break up with me first. Cheating is just plain wrong and evil.

[ddr_f4n]

"Cheating" is a general way or form of really either backstabbing your lover with someone else or attempting to "cheat" your way into another intimate relationship while still already being in one. What people defines as cheating to them varies from person to person, as it really depends on their views on what they consider is betrayal. Hell, even some people are okay with sex as long as they know that they still love the person they're with (y'know, the "just sex" thing; yeah it's ****ed up, but it exists). But this is pretty much the bare bones of the definition of "cheating" in relationships.

[DarknessXoXLight]

In my eyes, kissing and onward is cheating. I've been cheated on before so there's no gray area in my mind. Cheating is cheating, no explaination, the end. The way I see it, if it needs to be hidden from the partner, it's cheating.

[Hakulyte]

Seems more like a matter of both partners being aware and consent to it. The second you feel the need to hide it from your partner is where you're most likely cheating/going to cheat. Relationship is all about communication, if you can't stay true to yourself, there's no way your relationship can have an happy ending.

/I don't know what I'm talking about


Edit: v-- More simple and better use of words to say what I was thinking.

[i love you]

Originally Posted by DarknessXoXLight

In my eyes, kissing and onward is cheating. I've been cheated on before so there's no gray area in my mind. Cheating is cheating, no explaination, the end. The way I see it, if it needs to be hidden from the partner, it's cheating.

This is exactly how I feel about it. Also, I have been cheated on as well so I know how that feels too.

@UserNameGoesHere: Reincarnate is Rubix

[BeatofIke]

Originally Posted by DarknessXoXLight

In my eyes, kissing and onward is cheating. I've been cheated on before so there's no gray area in my mind. Cheating is cheating, no explaination, the end. The way I see it, if it needs to be hidden from the partner, it's cheating.

I agree 100%. Cheating is unacceptable. This is why I don't go out with anyone.

[Reincarnate]

If you would not feel comfortable doing X with another person in front of the person you're in a relationship with, then X is probably cheating.

[~kitty~]

Originally Posted by Reincarnate

If you would not feel comfortable doing X with another person in front of the person you're in a relationship with, then X is probably cheating.

That's a really confusing sentence, but I understand what it means.

[who_cares973]

Originally Posted by Reincarnate

If you would not feel comfortable doing X with another person in front of the person you're in a relationship with, then X is probably cheating.

This is probably the best response

[Oni-Paranoia]

Originally Posted by Reincarnate

If you would not feel comfortable doing X with another person in front of the person you're in a relationship with, then X is probably cheating.

How about I revise that...

Originally Posted by a Hispanic

If your partner would not feel comfortable with you doing X with another person in front of them, then X is probably cheating.

I'm going to stereotype and say I'm Hispanic, and we are overly friendly when it comes to greeting one another, which can pose borderline problems. i.e.

Do I feel comfortable hugging and kissing a girl on the cheek in front of my girl? Yes (typical greeting for family, and even friends, sometimes acquaintances.)

Does my girlfriend feel comfortable? Hell ****ing no.

[iironiic]

In any relationship, you need to build a reliable trust for each other to not go out and seek for others. When one breaks that trust in terms of love and commitment to the relationship, it's considered cheating. That will depend on the person.

Any intimate form of love from "kissing" onward is my white flag on the relationship. I've never been in any relationship though so my words are technically invalid. xD

[Kiani_cc]

Oni,

We do that kind of greeting here is hawaii so that is why I wanted to ask people (not from hawaii) what cheating is because kissing another person on the cheek or hugging them is just a way of saying hello. But of course, you can tell if it is going out of hand.

[reuben_tate]

Originally Posted by Kiani_cc

Oni,

We do that kind of greeting here is hawaii so that is why I wanted to ask people (not from hawaii) what cheating is because kissing another person on the cheek or hugging them is just a way of saying hello. But of course, you can tell if it is going out of hand.

Yeah here in Hawaii, hugs and sometimes pecks on the cheek are a usual way to greet people in Hawaii. This brings up the fact there are cultural differences when it comes to what is considered cheating and what is not. I mean, come to think about it, doesn't it seem strange that the exchanging of saliva (aka kissing) has some arbitrary meaning associated with affection in our society. This is something that our society has pulled meaning out of, since it has no actual meaning when pulled out of cultural and societal contexts.

Because of this, it is the responsibility for both people in the relationship to talk to each other about their cultural differences. Perhaps they can settle to some middle ground or maybe both people in the relationship can just accept the cultural differences of the other person and go along with it. I myself, based on the cultural context in which I was brought up in, think that having sex with another person is an automatic flag up for cheating. But hey, nature's intentions for sex was to reproduce, the fact that we tied it with affection and intimacy is our own society's fault.

[Reincarnate]

Originally Posted by Oni-Paranoia

How about I revise that...



I'm going to stereotype and say I'm Hispanic, and we are overly friendly when it comes to greeting one another, which can pose borderline problems. i.e.

Do I feel comfortable hugging and kissing a girl on the cheek in front of my girl? Yes (typical greeting for family, and even friends, sometimes acquaintances.)

Does my girlfriend feel comfortable? Hell ****ing no.

What I mean by "comfortable" is not so much a "personal comfort" but a mutual one.

For example, if you know that hugging/cheek-pecking another girl in front of your girlfriend would piss her off, then odds are it's not something you should be doing even if your girlfriend weren't there -- unless you want to call the emotional integrity and honesty of your relationship into question.

If that act is something you want to be able to do, then it's something to discuss with the girlfriend in question.

This is actually a conversation I had with my girlfriend early-on. Almost everyone agrees on the notion of kissing/sexual contact/etc being cheating, but the important ones to delineate are expressions of affection towards friends and expressions of emotion (such as if your girlfriend confided in a random male friend but not in you, that might be a form of emotional cheating).

Which is why I generally say "if you wouldn't do it with them watching, don't do it period" is a good rule of thumb to live by if you want to avoid trouble.

[Cavernio]

Originally Posted by Reincarnate

Which is why I generally say "if you wouldn't do it with them watching, don't do it period" is a good rule of thumb to live by if you want to avoid trouble.

I strongly suspect that my bf could/does get jealous from small, fairly innocuous things like smiling at a guy. Heck, I feel guilty for doing something like that if I'm actually attracted to the guy, whether my bf's present or not. However, I'm also fairly certain that he thinks that to actively get upset over something like that is not acceptable. Some people get jealous merely when their bf/gf talks to someone else of the opposite sex (or same sex depending on sexuality of the bf/gf). For such a relationship, I really think that the person who is jealous must let go as best they can. It is wrong of the jealous party to expect the other person to limit their social interactions so much so as to not have them speak to people.

I'm also not comfortable having personal conversations with another guy if my bf is present, (partially due to jealousy/reasons) but I also think its ok for me to have those close friendships with other guys as long as they're platonic. (I have to emphasize that I think north american society thinks that way too, and it's not just me. My personal views about cheating are very, very loose.) There've been situations where I actually go and spend some alone time with guy friends specifically because my bf knows he'll get jealous or get in the way of things, and because he'll be happier not being there. But at the same time he trusts me not to cheat and acknowledges that his jealousy isn't a good judge of what he should see as cheating or not.

Of course, all that said, the thread's also been full of 'physical' cheating, and I am slightly hypocritical. Personally, I don't think I would much care that my bf might be having a physical relationship with someone else so much that it means that for him to do so, he would be spending his time with her and not me. I've in fact been most jealous of a relationship my bf has with one of his male friends, and my bf is not gay or bi.

But I feel like I'm only slightly hypocritical because I in no way, shape or form think my bf should stop having a strong relationship with his friend. The jealousy is a feeling I can't control.

On a side note, I recall studies done that show that women are much more likely to care when their partner has an emotional relationship with someone, and men are much more likely to care about a physical one.

Whether it's cheating or not doesn't just boil down to jealousy and individual feelings, but also to societal and invidivual values, and the two people involved.

Personally, at this point in my life with no kids in the picture, and if my bf would want it, I'd be all for an 'open' relationship. But he doesn't want that, and so I have to respect that. That is a choice I make for being in a relationship with him. All the same, my bf knows me too well and I think it weighs on him sometimes, because he feels like he's holding me back from things which I want, and he wants me to be happy. Even though I'm committed to him. (Of course, this applies to things beyond just relationships.) There's almost a fundamental difference between me and him along these lines actually; he doesn't understand the desire to ever want to be with someone else if you're with someone you love, while I don't really understand why, beyond the lines of responsibility, you'd ever want to limit the relationships you can have. It kinda sucks.

[justin_ator]

I actually agree with Rubix on this one.

[Kiani_cc]

Ah thanks everyone. It's interesting to see the different perspectives of "cheating".