coming out

[lumphoboextreme]

Originally Posted by Quigly

wow this is such a nice thread look at all of you guys

so proud (':

This, the majority of people in my area aren't very accepting of that sort of thing. I wouldn't know how difficult it is but I hope all goes well for you.

[qqwref]

Originally Posted by _.Spitfire._

If you say something like what you wrote up, he's afraid he might offend the person if it turns out he's not gay. What he's trying to do is get a read on the person without outright commenting about his sexuality. Casually bringing up the gay marriage issues etc and how you're in favor could probably work, but saying "you're a good friend and that won't change if you're gay or not" is just too conspicuous.

Agreed, the way I wrote it isn't perfect, and directly saying something probably isn't the best way anyway (which I did try to suggest). But I think the idea definitely holds, that is, implying you would be supporting if he were to come out. Then if he *is* gay or bi, and ever wants to come out, he would have someone he knows he can be open with.

[Sakish]

Moches ma man <3 All there is to it is, be proud of who you are no matter who you really are. When you do come out to your parents, dont be shy about it. But show them that you are who you are and you wont change just because your parents might not agree with you.

I wish you the best homie

[swordmasterz]

This thread prompted me to search why people call this declaration "coming out":

The present-day expression "coming out" is understood to have originated in the early 20th century from an analogy that likens homosexuals’ introduction into gay subculture to a débutante’s coming-out party. This is a celebration for a young upper-class woman who is making her début – her formal presentation to society – because she has reached adult age or has become eligible for marriage. As historian George Chauncey points out:

"Gay people in the pre-war years [pre-WWI]... did not speak of coming out of what we call the gay closet but rather of coming out into what they called homosexual society or the gay world, a world neither so small, nor so isolated, nor... so hidden as closet implies"[11]

In fact, as Elizabeth Kennedy observes, "using the term 'closet' to refer to" previous times such as "the 1920s and 1930s might be anachronistic."[12]

An article on coming out[13] in the online encyclopedia glbtq.com states that sexologist Dr. Evelyn Hooker’s observations introduced the use of "coming out" to the academic community in the 1950s. The article continues by echoing Chauncey's observation that a subsequent shift in connotation occurred later on. The pre-1950s focus was on entrance into "a new world of hope and communal solidarity" whereas the post-Stonewall Riots overtone was an exit from the oppression of the closet.[13] This change in focus suggests that "coming out of the closet" is a mixed metaphor that joins "coming out" with the closet metaphor: an evolution of "skeleton in the closet" specifically referring to living a life of denial and secrecy by concealing one’s homosexual or bisexual orientation. The closet metaphor, in turn, is extended to the forces and pressures of heterosexist society and its institutions.

But anyway, it looks like many of the FFR members here, including myself, support you. It's a big step coming out, even to your closest friends, or 'anonymously' to us! You've managed to tell us, so I am sure you will manage some way to tell your parents.

[Quigly]

Originally Posted by adlp

this is like the fourth or fifth post of yours where i felt like we think pretty similarly

quigly/adlp for office 2016

[infinity.]

i can't wait for the paradigm shift of 'coming out' not being a thing. should be just as normal as saying 'i have red hair' or 'i'm from kansas'.

it's awesome that you can confide in this community, speaks volumes of the people here. all the support in the world from me.

[blindreper1179]

Pretty much what infinity said. People care about this way too much. Who cares how others feel for each other. Be you, and love it.

[Sweet Angel]

I remember when one of my best friends from school was going through a similar problem with his mom, he did end up trying to tell her... sadly she wasn't as "acceptable" as I would consider a lot of people are today. However his mother and him were never really that close. At first he was really upset, but the support he gained from all his friends cheered him up a lot and he seems tons happier now that he was able to talk to all of us about it. Even if your parents aren't acceptable of it just remember that there's a lot of friends and people all over the place supporting you =] Good luck!

[_Stepdude_]

Hope it works out for you man :')

[U.N. Owen]

When/if you decide to come out, I hope your parents/friends/etc. are supportive.

I was debating whether to come out to my parents as bi. I know my mom would be understanding, but I'm not too sure about my dad (even if he does have his suspicions). Decided that I'll only come out if I ever get a boyfriend or something like that. Just easier that way.

[Xiz]

It would be cool to be bi. Then you get both sides of the world, and perhaps laid twice as often. Lucky jerks.


Wtf Xiz shut up.

[25thhour]

Shit happens, sometimes it happens to be on your dick.

But, in all seriousness, Telling your family makes it a WORLD better, (Coming from personal experience) My mom tried to disown me at first but in time she opened up to it. :P

[UserNameGoesHere]

I'm in the camp that you should be really careful about it. Or, evaluate the worst possible outcome and see if you could live with that firstly, before making your decision, because don't just hope or assume everything will be roses in the end and base your decision off a false hope. There are many very unsupportive people out there and it's very possible to be in for a world of hurt.

It would be nice if people could just tell people these things and everyone be cool with it, but there is (and probably will be for the duration of your lifetime) quite some hate out there.

Also, younger people are easier and safer to reach out to than older people, especially if those older people come from a strong strict religious background. So you'll just have to evaluate your own personal situation and see if the rewards are worth the risks, in your case.

It's possible to change some people's minds, but the older they are and the more religious they are, the less and less possible this becomes.

I was raised very religiously and to hate gays, but some very awesome college friends helped me to overcome that. Then again I was young enough and open minded enough I was still willing to listen to people's views and re-evaluate my own ideas. With an older religious person, this change of mindset may not be possible.

Speaking of religion, I now pretty much view it as man-made, the stories inventions of man or twisting of facts, the rules to be arbitrary (some good, some bad, some nonsensical) and so forth.

So in my case, if I wanted to, I'd have a completely different kind of coming out to do -- that of coming out to highly religious elders and in an area overflowing with highly religious people that I just don't believe or follow their religion anymore. I don't think I'm ready to do that. I think it is every bit as dangerous as coming out gay in certain areas (and it is the exact same people who hate gays, vote Republican, and for "family values" which basically means forcing their way of life onto everyone else).

[PriestREA]

I'm part of a family that's extremely close-minded regarding any opposing statement towards their beliefs. Whether it be homosexuality, atheism/agnosticism and the like, I have constantly found myself angry at them for the absolute bile they spew while speaking.

But I digress, what you're doing is definitely a mature and complicated step - I know that revealing aspects of your life that may be considered "abnormal" to some isn't so easy. To this day, I still cannot even inform my parents that I'm an agnostic atheist. Making the step to tell strangers on the Internet (albeit the maturity in this thread is astonishing and heartwarming) is a pretty big step. I would advise to just expect the worst case scenario. Generally, when I consider informing my parents of something that would generally warrant my removal from the family, I expect 'removal from the family', this way, if something like this were to happen, I wouldn't be all too disappointed. Consequentially, believing the worst case scenario will happen may cause instability in your psychological health; however it almost always turns out to go far better than expected, which in turn may serve to restore stable thoughts.

As far as my thoughts on sexual orientation go, my friend of thirteen years has come out to me and only me, revealing that for the longest time he found himself attracted to me (locker rooms after swimming, etc.). I do remember him asking me if I felt attracted to him as well. Kindly, I let him down; however I was very fast to tell him that it isn't abnormal, it's not weird, and it's not disgusting to feel affectionate to the same sex. I still cannot fathom the stupidity of homophobic people as they try to "purify your heart". It's absolutely ironic how Jesus supposedly loves everyone but the second any religious person discovers someone's sexual orientation they are immediately a sinful person who must be cleansed. This attitude is histrionic at best. "Look at me! I want to be on the news so I should probably be against homosexuality! I want people to agree with my shitty logic! Do I fit in yet?" (Basically it's not even about exploring what goes through the mind of someone who likes the same sex. It's all about being heard and attracting attention, whether negative or positive) I see this mindset daily, but people who are, for lack of a better term "gay-bashers", call gay/lesbian people ignorant. Yes, the homophobes are totally not ignorant at all!!!!!!111111!!!!1!1!1!!1!1!1!1 Good on you, mate.

[Hakulyte]

That moment when you tell your catholic parents that you're transgender and they have absolutely no idea how to react even with the bible.

[smartdude1212]

Be careful Haku, you'd be next in line for an exorcism.

[macgravel]

Congrats on coming out, bud. If you ever need someone else to talk to, I'm here.

[Spoiled_Milk]

Good on ya moches! <3 Myself, I'm greedy as shit I've gotta have a piece of everyone's ass <3 =)

[25thhour]

The best part about being gay is that it is so easy to get laid... :P

[popsicle_3000]

Originally Posted by Wayward Vagabond

you got to ease the topic into some conversation and let it go from there

dynam0: man friend that was an intense sm session right?
friend: haha yeah you really nailed those patterns
dynam0: yeah man kind of like how gay dudes nail other gay dudes in the ass!
friend: hey bro can i tell you something
dynam0 yeah man whats up?
friend: hypothetically speaking would you care if i was bisexual or maybe even gay?
dynam0: bro we shower together after sm sessions all the time and i'll still shower with you even if you are gay or w/e thats your thing just dont try to ram my ass HAHAHA
friend: thanks man
dynam0: no problem man

best post of 2013 so far