Leaving FFR for a while

[korny]

Originally Posted by Cavernio

Dad shouldn't be trying to discipline a 20 year old, I don't care if his son lives with him or not. He's not 12, and to treat him like he is disturbing to me.

No, dad should enforce the rules as he sees fit because it is his goddamn house and his age does not matter. You seem to keep thinking for some reason, that because he is 20 years old, he is immune to any sort of rule abiding.

[Reincarnate]

What matters is that Riot needs to start putting plans into motion to move out.

[Mahou]

Originally Posted by Reincarnate

What matters is that Riot needs to start putting plans into motion to move out.

End of thread.

[Cavernio]

Originally Posted by Pseudo Enigma

plz tell me you don't actually think parenting stops when your children become adults

It does. Your love for your kids doesn't, and nor does your love for them, but that's hardly the same thing as having a parent-child relationship.

The moment my mom 'gave up' on me and treated me as an adult without trying to hone me, improved my relationship with her 100%.

[Cavernio]

Originally Posted by korny

No, dad should enforce the rules as he sees fit because it is his goddamn house and his age does not matter. You seem to keep thinking for some reason, that because he is 20 years old, he is immune to any sort of rule abiding.

When your rules involve what -I- do, when it has no effect whatsoever on how -you- are, those rules are wholly unjustified. We're not talking about household chores.

[Pseudo Enigma]

My mom had been over protecting me my whole life. I had struggled with police and counsellors that told me "it's my mom's choice what to do with me, because I am relying on her for care." I rebelled and left, which forced her to accept that I'm not someone you can control like that.

point is that riot is probably going to have to take some sort of action if he wants to convince his dad that vidya gaems are alright. Which would probably mean moving out. Otherwise he's just gonna have to well...

deal with it.

This thread is seriously redundant though so I'm done here.

edit:

Originally Posted by Mahou

That's not what he's saying.

probably not, I was just checking.

Originally Posted by Cavernio

It does. Your love for your kids doesn't, and nor does your love for them, but that's hardly the same thing as having a parent-child relationship.

The moment my mom 'gave up' on me and treated me as an adult without trying to hone me, improved my relationship with her 100%.

wow just because your parents decided that doesn't mean it's universal.

[Cavernio]

Pretty sure freedom's supposed to be universal.

[Mollocephalus]

What a shitty situation. I i agree with cavernio wholeheartedly. Do you really think the same kind of parenting applied when you're 10 can be applied to you when you're 20 - or more? You're completely missing out that parenting changes over time, and it should adapt to the person's age and level of maturity. Oppressive parents who keep telling you the way to do stuff forever are going to make you psychologically dependent, and ultimately helpless when you will finally be on your own. This kind of behavior is toxic and unacceptable in many ways, and shouldn't be justified.

I'm gonna leave a purposely extreme consideration here: maybe there should be an exam to test if you should have kids or not, cause i'm damn sure it would make everyone a favor if some people couldn't have offspring.

[korny]

Originally Posted by Cavernio

When your rules involve what -I- do, when it has no effect whatsoever on how -you- are, those rules are wholly unjustified. We're not talking about household chores.

Why do you keep falling back to the rules being unjustified which we are already in agreement over, and continue to neglect that they are his the rules to freely enforce, justified or not.

[devonin]

Originally Posted by Pseudo Enigma

plz tell me you don't actually think parenting stops when your children become adults

It should evolve into a relationship of equals, where you still grant your parents the respect due their age and experience, and the gratitude you owe them for raising you, but where they still engage with you as a fellow adult.

At that point, 'rules' should be discussed more as preferences and boundaries for the parents since it is their house (not wanting you to have loud parties or blast music at 2am, or having your girlfriend stay overnight when they're there, or not eating the last of the chips or whatever)

At the time I turned 18, my dad basically said to me "Welp, I've done all the raising of you I can. At this point, you either live a good life, or you don't, it's all up to you." and my rules largely vanished.

Due to being the last Ontarians to have OAC and also having a spring birthday, I was still in highschool until I was several months into 19, so I was living at home "as an adult" but not yet in university for quite some time, and believe me, if my dad had still tried to enforce a bed time, or how much time I spent on the computer -without- shooting anything with a gun, it would have been pretty horrible.

"You spend too much time on the computer" is a rule founded out of ignorance of the modern age. I have a full-time job, at which I spend almost all day on the computer, followed by coming home, where I spend most of my time on the computer.

It's where people work, where they play, where they hang out with their friends, where they meet their girlfriends and boyfriends. Given that he's also in school at the moment for a computer-related field, it's absolutely a -bad- rule even if he were 16/17/18. The fact that he's a grown-ass man just makes it worse.

The unemployment rate for the "Recent graduate" demographic when I was a recent graduate was as high as it was for everybody during the Depression. A lot of our generation's parents literally don't understand that "Just go get a job" is laughably close to impossible.

[Gradiant]

Maybe his dad is settng rules like that so riot spends has more time to work and make some money so he can move out, rather than living in his parents house longer. Its a parents job to prepare their kids for the real world and it seems his mistake was not only overreacting and shooting a phone, but also for letting riot think that its a good life to only go to school and play games at your parents house nstead of trying to earn some money. There are some very rare cases in which gaming earns money, but realisticly, this is a poor argument. Im also shocked at how many people in here are saying that riot should not follow his parents rules while living under their roof, so i want to post that you guys should grow up. Then i look at your ages on the forum and it saddens me.

[Gradiant]

Do you now how lng this situation has been going on? Its not an extremely dangerous situation either, as i seriously doubt a father would shoot his child with the gun.

[Reincarnate]

1. The kind of person who is willing to discharge a weapon to destroy his son's property in anger is probably not the kind of person who was rational about the rules in the first place. Odds are if it wasn't the computer, it would have been something else.

2. Crazy, short-tempered people can and will be set off by anything, even behavior that is otherwise normal. For example, a father who calls his daughter a slut and shames her for kissing her boyfriend, etc.

3. Riot is 20 years old. It's not unusual for people at that age (and in this economy, no doubt) to be living with their parents temporarily while they finish up school or look for work.

4. There's nothing unreasonable about having ground rules in your own home for guests, family, etc. But again, see point #2. Again, there's no good reason to pull out a gun to make your point.

5. Not everyone is rational or amenable to reason. Some people are legitimately crazy, unreasonable, and possibly dangerous. Some people will hurt, abuse, humiliate, or sabotage their own children.

[Cavernio]

Originally Posted by korny

Why do you keep falling back to the rules being unjustified which we are already in agreement over, and continue to neglect that they are his the rules to freely enforce, justified or not.

Because I -don't- think anyone's allowed to freely enforce any old rule rules just because they own a piece of land and they're letting someone else live there. If the rules are bogus, then no, they shouldn't be allowed to be enforced. One is contingent on the other, they aren't separated that way to me.
It can be abusive to enforce bogus rules (simply having them isn't if they aren't enforced at all) and it can be abusive to enforce good rules if the enforcement is bad.

[korny]

They shouldn't, but they are. Nothing you can do about it.

[Cavernio]

Originally Posted by Gradiant

Maybe his dad is settng rules like that so riot spends has more time to work and make some money so he can move out, rather than living in his parents house longer. Its a parents job to prepare their kids for the real world and it seems his mistake was not only overreacting and shooting a phone, but also for letting riot think that its a good life to only go to school and play games at your parents house nstead of trying to earn some money. There are some very rare cases in which gaming earns money, but realisticly, this is a poor argument. Im also shocked at how many people in here are saying that riot should not follow his parents rules while living under their roof, so i want to post that you guys should grow up. Then i look at your ages on the forum and it saddens me.

Of COURSE that's the impetus for the rule his dad set. And it is irrelevant, (although, as Dev has addressed, it's also a sieve of an argument.) Living under someone else's roof doesn't give them any sort of legal or moral right to destroy your possessions and restrict your time. Your perspective is that he's still a child, which makes me think that you, yourself, view yourself as a child too.

I honestly would not be upset by his dad's actions if he just kicked riotpolice to the curb. I would think 'wow, that really fucking sucks', and I would feel sorry him (regardless of if he's actually being lazy) but I wouldn't be questioning if riotpolice is getting abused and manipulated. Afterall, one cannot be abused when there is no contact/relationship to abuse, and yet it's blatantly wrong to think of someone who's being abused that they're choosing to be abused.
What part of 'move out riotpolice' don't you understand? That's the stance most people who are aghast at this are taking, not 'stay there and suck it up, play games every now and then but don't get caught.'

[Gradiant]

Originally Posted by Cavernio

Living under someone else's roof doesn't give them any sort of legal or moral right to destroy your possessions and restrict your time.

Who's phone and computer and internet is it? Does riot own all of his stuff? If his dad owns those things and pays for it, its not riot's is it...

[L.B.D.D]

Originally Posted by Reincarnate

3. Riot is 20 years old. It's not unusual for people at that age (and in this economy, no doubt) to be living with their parents temporarily while they finish up school or look for work.

and this also means riotpolice is not independent (yet), which means he should also abide by his parents' rules, and in return his parents are willing to provide him proper care (food, a room in the house, etc)
so he should become independent asap

seems to me riotpolice has effectively ignored all of his parents' previous attempts to get him to play less games / spend more time doing 'productive' things like focusing on school

of course, all of that doesn't matter at all if riotpolice is
1) a person who actually does not play games much
2) his parents are short tempered

looks like it's neither because it's clear to me that riotpolice obviously spends a TON of time playing ffr/other games, AND his parents obviously went over the line but it probably built up for a LONG time (think few years of telling your kid to stop playing video games)

[Reincarnate]

It's like you honed in on one single point and ignored the context of everything else.

[kommisar]

two adults with conflicting ideas what a concept. but like I said, being a FATHER is different from being a landlord. i'm 23 and my mother is still as motherly as she was when I was 5. moving out was due to differences in lifestyles and priorities, but it does not in any way change the fact that she is my mother and that will never change.



hope you find a way out riot.