You ever hear something you weren't supposed to?

[HoneyMelonCalibrator]

Originally Posted by phe0nixblade

Man some of you guys are pansies, man up and tell the dude. If he's raising a kid for 15 years before he finds out it's not his he'll feel ****ty as hell, prevent that from happening by telling the dude.

Real men don't gossip. Nor do they snitch.

[MrRubix]

Originally Posted by phe0nixblade

Man some of you guys are pansies, man up and tell the dude. If he's raising a kid for 15 years before he finds out it's not his he'll feel ****ty as hell, prevent that from happening by telling the dude.

There are potential crappy consequences no matter what East does -- it's very possible that John will find out years down the line. It's also very possible that raising a kid that isn't his will therefore lead to him NOT having an actual kid of his own. But it's also possible that things could turn out very badly for Suzie/the baby/the friendship if he tells John. Either way, it's a crappy situation that doesn't involve East. It involves Suzie. It's not up to East to take direct action when nobody is entirely certain that the result will have a net positive or net negative effect.

It sucks that East is now aware of the situation and therefore has to handle the guilt of knowing, but at least he can talk to Suzie and try to persuade her to make her own decisions from a less selfish perspective. That's the best he can do, and it's what a good friend should do, in my opinion.

[eastsideman09]

Originally Posted by stretchypanda

It's not your secret to tell.

If she's a good friend, you can at least tell her you know and encourage her to do the right thing. No matter what you say, if her mind is set, you're unlikely to change it.

Originally Posted by Windscarredfaith

I completely disagree with HoneyMelon, no offense. I definitely side with stretchy and Rubix on this. He was first of all confided in as a friend to keep her secret. 100% agree that it is not his secret to tell, and it would involve him into the huge mess that it already is. You can still be friends with someone and not completely agree with their moral reasoning/decisions. Therefore, your job in this situation is to be the best friend you can be to Suzie. It is not a bad idea for you to give her your opinion on the subject matter, but in my opinion, it would be extremely hard for her to change her mind on something like this. Her fear can be completely blinding her to making the logical choice. It is clear that she does have some sense of guilt if she has debated about this issue with all her friends.

Originally Posted by Oni-Paranoia

I'd tell John.

It was her mistake, and like Rubix stated, it's not fair that she's trying to take the easy way out. Besides, whether you talk now or never, the truth is going to come out and all hell will break loose. Why wait?

Originally Posted by HoneyMelonCalibrator

You've got a good point, Windscarred. Not to mention I completely misread the story. For some reason I thought that OP was friends with John and not Suzie. If I were in your situation, I wouldn't say anything; not even to Suzie. If this guy is really as douchey as you claim he is, then more power to Suzie.

Originally Posted by phe0nixblade

Man some of you guys are pansies, man up and tell the dude. If he's raising a kid for 15 years before he finds out it's not his he'll feel ****ty as hell, prevent that from happening by telling the dude.

Originally Posted by MrRubix

While I think it's totally unfair for such an irresponsible girl to leech and take the easy way out, you do need to consider that telling John directly may result in dire consequences. He may break it off with Suzie and force her to fend for herself and the baby. Without a GED/job/etc, that's pretty bleak -- and not something you potentially want on your conscious, either.

The ideal outcome would be for Suzie to get the blood test and discuss this situation with the real father (if we assume it's not John's), as it's his kid, too. You don't want to get directly involved, but you can try to persuade those already involved to make the right decision as long as it's safe to do so. Situations like these require a certain sensitivity first, and aren't best solved by introducing information bluntly/unexpectedly. Don't tell Suzie what she should or should not do, but rather lay out the facts pertaining to everyone involved.

Ultimately, Suzie may decide that she absolutely doesn't want to get the test and wants to stick with John. Even then, you don't know for sure that not his kid (it was only a two-week hiatus, right?), and it's still best for you to stay out of it. You don't want to cause trouble only to find out that John *is* the father, making you look like a total asshole.

Sometimes it sucks, but you can only do so much safely. While it's tempting to act on all information we have in order to do what we think is right, ultimately, it's not always our decision to make when it comes to the lives of others. Best thing you can do is talk to Suzie and hope that she makes the right choice.

Originally Posted by ninjaKIWI

Your friend Suzie sounds like a whore.

All things that I've considered and that have gone through my mind about this situation. I have considered sending an anonymous message as well, but in the group of girls that knew the secret, it would be obvious who managed to divulge the information.

Originally Posted by MrRubix

As an aside, I think it's horrible when people divulge info like this.

Suzie's "best friends" were likely told (by Suzie herself) not to tell anyone, and they still felt that it was okay to tell *you*, someone completely not involved. Giving uninvolved people information like that puts them in a position of cognitive dissonance where they either feel the need to choose sides or live with the guilt of knowing. Some "friends" she has.

The thing is, they were discussing her pregnancy after a wedding we were all a part of, and I knew she was pregnant and everything, they just brought up the other two guys she was with and started discussing the time frame. I was kinda just sitting there like wHaAaAaT o_o, they were talking about it almost as if they forgot I was sitting with them and didn't know, after which they told me not to say anything, ESPECIALLY not to Suzie.

SO, talking to Suzie, while it may be one of the better decisions, would get the rest of the girls pissed off at me, as I'm technically not supposed to know anything about it at all. Although,

Originally Posted by MrRubix

There are potential crappy consequences no matter what East does -- it's very possible that John will find out years down the line. It's also very possible that raising a kid that isn't his will therefore lead to him NOT having an actual kid of his own. But it's also possible that things could turn out very badly for Suzie/the baby/the friendship if he tells John. Either way, it's a crappy situation that doesn't involve East. It involves Suzie. It's not up to East to take direct action when nobody is entirely certain that the result will have a net positive or net negative effect.

It sucks that East is now aware of the situation and therefore has to handle the guilt of knowing, but at least he can talk to Suzie and try to persuade her to make her own decisions from a less selfish perspective. That's the best he can do, and it's what a good friend should do, in my opinion.

Pretty much exactly how I feel about the situation. However, I'm not exactly sure how to go about talking to her, if I do at all. She's been in bitch mode since the hormones have kicked in with the kid, and she hasn't exactly been receptive to other peoples perspectives and suggestions in the past, if you know what I mean.

Consequences lie everywhere except in not saying anything, in which case, morality and guilt will then plague me. Welcome to life! haha

[PsYcHoZeRoSk8eR]

As per one of my mottos:

"Secrets are not my concern, keeping them is..."

[stretchypanda]

Tell her she needs to let him know or you will. He might love the kid even if it isn't his, but he deserves the chance to make that choice. If she traps him in a relationship because of a pregnancy he didn't cause, it will not end well for her.

And then tell her to put her child up for adoption because neither of the people you described seems emotionally ready for a child.

[Rubin0]

I don't get it. She deserves to be on Springer because she had sex with two different guys while she was single but he's the one that is being portrayed as a victim even though he has cheated on her numerous times? I mean, both of them seem like pretty amoral individuals so let's not keep pushing that double standard.

[MrRubix]

Again, good reason to not get involved. When it comes to the problems of people that make those kind of decisions, you want to steer clear.

[Xx{Midnight}xX]

Originally Posted by stretchypanda

It's not your secret to tell.

It absolutely is.

The reasoning being that if the child is NOT his he's still on the hook for paying for that kid, even should he leave and the wrong man is out of money because this girl is to bloody ignorantly stupid to take a blood test.

Tell her to tell him or you will. It's not correct morally, but honestly this could wreck or make his life based off if the kid is his. Just you BEST be sure you over heard ALL of it properly.

Edit: Also she cheated on him. Idiot. She asked for this to happen.

[psychoangel691]

Originally Posted by eastsideman09

Pretty much exactly how I feel about the situation. However, I'm not exactly sure how to go about talking to her, if I do at all. She's been in bitch mode since the hormones have kicked in with the kid, and she hasn't exactly been receptive to other peoples perspectives and suggestions in the past, if you know what I mean.

Consequences lie everywhere except in not saying anything, in which case, morality and guilt will then plague me. Welcome to life! haha

A lot of women seriously milk the hormones thing. I'm 25 weeks pregnant and while yes I'll get emotional from time to time it's not nearly what people make it out to be. I think it's just a bs excuse people use but anyways.

This is a really tough spot you're in because you heard a secret that you weren't supposed to hear and now it will be on your mind if you do nothing about it. Technically you didn't hear from Suzi herself with her telling you not to say anything. Really her friends were the irresponsible ones for letting it out around other people, plus god only knows how many people they've told. Personally I don't think I'd be able to sit back and just let her act like there's no possibility of it not being his. It's ****ed up that she's even being that way. I mean have you ever seen some of the maury episodes where guys that actually want to be the father or have been acting as a father to a child for a long time find out that the kid isn't theirs? It kills them and it's just not fair because some chick decided to whore it up. I mean 3 guys total in the time of possible conception and all without condom? Because if there's two others that it could be then she must not be using protection which can also bring a possibility of STD's she could pass on to him or her baby.

Really you need to do what you feel is right. You can ask for the advice here but you're going to hear all different things from different people and really what it comes down to is you. Will you be able to live with yourself if you don't say anything? Will you be able to live with the consequences if you do say something? She may very well hate you for it but at the same time you'd kinda be doing the right thing in a sense since she doesn't want to take responsibility. But hey maybe it is his kid and everything will work out okay. Who knows.

Edit: I was thinking about this a little more outside for a few and honestly I'm the type of person that if someone tells me something and they don't want me to say anything I wont. But the problem is the situation, in a situation like this I don't know if I would be able to because this is affecting other peoples lives. This is going to affect his and the baby's because what if he notices the kid looks nothing like him years down the road and demands a test finally to find out it's not his. Not only is it going to hurt him it's going to mess the kid up too.

[Kenyu]

IMHO I would think that telling John would be the best option to go with. The consequences behind not telling him are far greater. Imagine yourself in those shoes... Possibly finding out when your son is in high school that he isn't your kid. How would that make you feel? The woman will get over it in time and move on, there are plenty of single mothers out there.

[HoneyMelonCalibrator]

Have you sent "John" the anonymous tip yet?

[Rubin0]

Originally Posted by Xx{Midnight}xX

Edit: Also she cheated on him. Idiot. She asked for this to happen.

Did I miss something? I thought the OP made it clear that the girlfriend slept with these guys after she broke up with her boyfriend after she found out he had been cheating on her. amiright?

And honestly two guys in two weeks? Why is that such a bad thing? The Jersey Shore guys have a different girl in their beds every single night and they are making millions of dollars for being "awesome". Say the girl went out every weekend she was single and met a guy each time. What the hell is so slutty about that? Honestly. Has anyone heard of rebound sex? You hear your significant other has been banging a lot of chicks and then climbing into bed with you. I think I would be pretty pissed and I would probably have some revenge sex, too.

Edit: Just to expand on how pissed off this post is making me. Pregnancies happen. To women. Not men. And they are freaking scary especially when you don't have someone to help you. This girl is probably scared ****less. She made a mistake after she found out her boyfriend is the biggest douche on the planet. Now she is possibly pregnant with this douche bags baby or the other two Joe Schmo's she had sex with to get back at him. She might be scared out of her mind. She A: stays with douche bag who might actually be a decent father even if he continues to cheat on her, or B: is a single mother with no money, no job, and no experience being a mother. Obviously, not getting a blood test is a selfish move, but you really need to consider the fact that the girl is scared before you judge her.

Before you start ruining people's lives because you are too busy worrying about everyone else's feelings, why don't you consider the baby here. Even if the kid ends up being his, once he finds out his girlfriend is a "slut" he might kick her out anyway. Just having people mentioning that your girlfriend is a slut is enough to make most guys fly the coop.

[eastsideman09]

Originally Posted by Rubin0

Before you start ruining people's lives because you are too busy worrying about everyone else's feelings, why don't you consider the baby here.

The baby really is my main concern, as far as the moral disturbances go. I don't care if Suzie was stupid enough to take John back, or how irresponsible she was with the unprotected sex. What really irks me is that the child will potentially grow up without ever knowing it's real father, and that could so easily be prevented with a blood test. Suzie can just as easily shack up with the biological father if John kicks her out if it's not his, and John may as well be just as willing to care for the child with the knowledge that it's not his. But the fact that he doesn't have that knowledge or closure, or rather that he's been purposely shielded from it, is what makes it ****ed up.

I don't even have to meddle and lives are potentially being "ruined".

EDIT: I don't know how I missed this....

Originally Posted by Rubin0

I don't get it. She deserves to be on Springer because she had sex with two different guys while she was single but he's the one that is being portrayed as a victim even though he has cheated on her numerous times? I mean, both of them seem like pretty amoral individuals so let's not keep pushing that double standard.

I'm not sure how you can equate cheating in a relationship as fickle as and with as much depth as high school couples (no offense) to someone forcing a child into someone else's life and keeping them completely in the dark about their biological/legal/etc responsibilities for that child, AND forcing the child into a life where it will never know it's true parents. Hell, it will be raised without any reason to think otherwise.

All that is assuming that the child is not John's, of course. I'm not defending cheating in any relationship, but what she's doing is a lot worse than that.

------

I talked to one of Suzie's friends about it, one who was there when I originally found out. It seems the consensus between the friends is to kind of turn the other cheek about the potential of the child not being Johns. As it stands now, John and Suzie are happy, John wants to take care of the child, and the kid will grow up with loving parents. I won't say they all think there's "nothing" wrong with that, but to them, it really doesn't seem to be a bad situation for the child, and I can agree with that for the most part.

"Ignorance is bliss, isn't it?" was my response though. Maybe it is.

[psychoangel691]

Originally Posted by Rubin0

And honestly two guys in two weeks? Why is that such a bad thing? The Jersey Shore guys have a different girl in their beds every single night and they are making millions of dollars for being "awesome". Say the girl went out every weekend she was single and met a guy each time. What the hell is so slutty about that? Honestly. Has anyone heard of rebound sex? You hear your significant other has been banging a lot of chicks and then climbing into bed with you. I think I would be pretty pissed and I would probably have some revenge sex, too.

Edit: Just to expand on how pissed off this post is making me. Pregnancies happen. To women. Not men. And they are freaking scary especially when you don't have someone to help you. This girl is probably scared ****less. She made a mistake after she found out her boyfriend is the biggest douche on the planet. Now she is possibly pregnant with this douche bags baby or the other two Joe Schmo's she had sex with to get back at him. She might be scared out of her mind. She A: stays with douche bag who might actually be a decent father even if he continues to cheat on her, or B: is a single mother with no money, no job, and no experience being a mother. Obviously, not getting a blood test is a selfish move, but you really need to consider the fact that the girl is scared before you judge her.

Why is it a bad thing? Um because unprotected sex is irresponsible especially if you aren't prepared for a child. Are pregnancies scary, yea a little bit but there are millions of women that go through it alone. It's not that friggin scary I'm going through it it's not like it's a terminal illness or something. And made A mistake? 3 different guys no protection yea that's just stupid. Sorry but you'll get no sympathy card from me for this chick.
Oh btw there's tons of assistance programs for pregnant women/ women with children. You can get free insurance which pays for EVERYTHING for the pregnancy and delivery. People give away free baby stuff everywhere. There's wic for food and stuff you need and there's housing assistance. There's no excuse and the guy has the right to know if the kid isn't his.

Originally Posted by eastsideman09

I talked to one of Suzie's friends about it, one who was there when I originally found out. It seems the consensus between the friends is to kind of turn the other cheek about the potential of the child not being Johns. As it stands now, John and Suzie are happy, John wants to take care of the child, and the kid will grow up with loving parents. I won't say they all think there's "nothing" wrong with that, but to them, it really doesn't seem to be a bad situation for the child, and I can agree with that for the most part.

"Ignorance is bliss, isn't it?" was my response though. Maybe it is.

The problem is if he suspects the kid isn't his at all he's not going to treat that baby right. My father doesn't believe the youngest of my brothers is his and he has never treated him the same as he has myself or my other brother. Sounds like all of Suzie's "friends" don't give a **** about what's right and figure hey now she's got a free ride. It's ****ed up.

[eastsideman09]

Originally Posted by psychoangel691

The problem is if he suspects the kid isn't his at all he's not going to treat that baby right. My father doesn't believe the youngest of my brothers is his and he has never treated him the same as he has myself or my other brother. Sounds like all of Suzie's "friends" don't give a **** about what's right and figure hey now she's got a free ride. It's ****ed up.

I pretty much said the same thing to the one I was talking to today. But she told me John's convinced it's his as well, which further led me to believe that he still doesn't know of her sleeping around.

But I mean, does he really need to? If he did a little back tracking with how long she's been pregnant, he might notice a question mark in the time frame. The notion that that may not have even crossed his mind further led me to believe that he's a dip****, although he is determined to raise the child as of right now.

[Rubin0]

I'm trying to figure out how everyone knows 100% sure that she had uprotected sex with these two random guys. A lot of this seems like rumor/gossip.

And psychoangel, while I agree with you that it is not a terminal illness and there ARE options, those options run out eventually. It is very difficult for a single mother to continue an education and to rise past the poverty line unless she comes from an already wealthy family that is willing to help her. While I have never been pregnant myself I have grown up with a single mother who struggled her entire life to give me a decent one. And plenty of people have gossiped about her since I can remember that was based on little to no fact. There is a lot of stigma against single women with children, especially when they don't have the resources to raise them on their own. This girl seems very young, very naive, and very selfish. She isn't considering the options there are out there and she probably does not even know about them. I am not condoning what she is doing, but it's easy to see why she wouldn't want to do this by herself.

[welsh_girl]

I'd tell all.

It's sick how many Males are unknowingly(sp?) bringing up a child that isn't theres. And it could end up being a **** situation for the child in years to come if "John" ends up not being it's Dad and just walks away etc.

She got herself into this mess.

[psychoangel691]

Originally Posted by eastsideman09

I pretty much said the same thing to the one I was talking to today. But she told me John's convinced it's his as well, which further led me to believe that he still doesn't know of her sleeping around.

But I mean, does he really need to? If he did a little back tracking with how long she's been pregnant, he might notice a question mark in the time frame. The notion that that may not have even crossed his mind further led me to believe that he's a dip****, although he is determined to raise the child as of right now.

John's convinced now but wait till that baby actually comes out. He probably doesn't question it because they were only on a 2 week break and with pregnancy you can't really determine the exact conception date. What they do is go by the 1st day of your last period and go 40 weeks for a due date. It's a tough situation it really is if there were no child involved I'd say no he doesn't need to know that she slept around but the fact is there is a child involved and that child's life can be affected terribly by this.

Originally Posted by Rubin0

I'm trying to figure out how everyone knows 100% sure that she had uprotected sex with these two random guys. A lot of this seems like rumor/gossip.

And psychoangel, while I agree with you that it is not a terminal illness and there ARE options, those options run out eventually. It is very difficult for a single mother to continue an education and to rise past the poverty line unless she comes from an already wealthy family that is willing to help her. While I have never been pregnant myself I have grown up with a single mother who struggled her entire life to give me a decent one. And plenty of people have gossiped about her since I can remember that was based on little to no fact. There is a lot of stigma against single women with children, especially when they don't have the resources to raise them on their own. This girl seems very young, very naive, and very selfish. She isn't considering the options there are out there and she probably does not even know about them. I am not condoning what she is doing, but it's easy to see why she wouldn't want to do this by herself.

If she's questioning the other two guys being the father than semen got into her by them somehow. Otherwise why would she even question either one being the father?

It's not even about "options" such as abortion because frankly I'm against it. There is always adoption though that doesn't disappear but still that's beside the point. It WAS difficult being a single mother in the past yes, but now there's so much help out there it's insane. The excuse of not being able to finish school is bull****. If she's still in high school there's online high schools now. If she's going to go to college you can do that online too. I'm going to school online and I can do it any time of day I want. My stepmother's daughter has 5 kids she was 16 when she had her 1st. She finished school online and is a college professor now. The assistance programs out there for pregnant women is insane. You can even get a free nurse that comes to your home and helps you with the baby for the first few months and no I'm not kidding I have paperwork here.

Point being there's no excuses anymore the resources are there, she just needs to look. But it seems to me like she just wants to trap this guy because he has a steady income and she doesn't want to take on the responsibility. Being a mother does take a lot and it takes a lot on your own but it's more than doable and there's no excuse.

Sorry but yes I am a bit bitter when it comes to people that get themselves into situations like these then can't even do what's right. You know what if you can't handle the possible consequences don't have sex at all. Or at least don't be retarded and get on birth control (which you can get free) and use a friggin condom.

[Urh]

Abort suzie's child with an ancient chinese herbal concoction.

[Mulie]

Urh brings up a good point. The real moral dilemma here's not in the reciprocated scumbaggery between Suzie and John; it's that a person will be generated due to related events and be raised in an inhospitable environment. Having gained this knowledge, eastsideman, will you take it upon yourself to forcefully abort the infant?