TWG CXLII - A Storm of Hard and Boiled [Game Thread]

[thesunfan]

my current goals for this phase:
don't vote
don't give honest reads

so far so good

[DaBackpack]

Look. A man takes out an accident
policy that is worth a hundred
thousand dollars if he is killed on
a train. Then, two weeks later, he
is killed on a train. And not in a
train accident, mind you, but falling
off some silly observation car. Do
you know what the mathematical
probability of that is, Walter? One
out of I don't know how many billions.
And add to that the broken leg. It
just can't be the way it looks,
Walter. Something has been worked on
us.

[thesunfan]

Originally Posted by XelNya

DAMN. Charu is on fire today.

How Do I Get Town To Date Me
a children's novel by Charu Snivy

[roundbox]

Originally Posted by thesunfan

either where's annie or where's alice I don't remember which one it was but it was maybe one of those or something

HOW'S ANNIE?
HOW'S ANNIE?
HOW'S ANNIE?
HOW'S ANNIE?
HOW'S ANNIE?
HOW'S ANNIE?
HOW'S ANNIE?
HOW'S ANNIE?
HOW'S ANNIE?
HOW'S ANNIE?
HOW'S ANNIE?
HOW'S ANNIE?



also you fuckers making a million (shit)posts in 20 minutes get real

[Red Blaster]

Originally Posted by MrPopadopalis25

I hope we can find the wolves.

I legitimately laughed out loud

[thesunfan]

Originally Posted by MrPopadopalis25

I hope we can find the wolves.

simple, yet elegant

[DaBackpack]

Next day was Sunday and we went for
a ride down to the beach. She had
loosened up a bit and she was even
laughing... I had to make sure she
wouldn't tell that stuff about Phyllis
to anybody else. It was dynamite,
whether it was true or not. And I
had no chance to talk to Phyllis.
You were watching her like a hawk,
Keyes. I couldn't even phone her for
fear you had the wires tapped.

Monday morning there was a note on
my desk that you wanted to see me,
Keyes. For a minute I wondered if it
could be about Lola. It was worse.
Outside your door was the last guy
in the world I wanted to see.

[thesunfan]

Originally Posted by roundbox

HOW'S ANNIE?

I was close

[thesunfan]

its games like these that make me realize that postcount being off in the TWG subforum is probably a good thing

[DaBackpack]

You know what? That guy Dietrichson
was never on the train.

No, he wasn't, Walter. Look, you
can't be sure of killing a man by
throwing him off a train that's going
fifteen miles an hour. The only way
you can be sure is to kill him first
and then throw his body on the tracks.
That would mean either killing him
on the train, or -- and this is where
it really gets fancy -- you kill him
somewhere else and put him on the
tracks. Two possibilities, and I
personally buy the second.

[Red Blaster]

Originally Posted by thesunfan

its games like these that make me realize that postcount being off in the TWG subforum is probably a good thing

I wholeheartedly blame Charu for it being disabled

[XelNya]

Originally Posted by thesunfan

How Do I Get Town To Date Me
a children's novel by Charu Snivy

Candy. Those kids will never see it coming.

[thesunfan]

Originally Posted by Red Blaster

I wholeheartedly blame Charu for it being disabled

lets make him pay for it, shall we?

[Charu]

Hey, at least I got my Snivy's, do you all have Snivy's? DON'T THINK SO!

[DaBackpack]

Originally Posted by MrPopadopalis25

Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock. So long DaBackpack.

Plop gets me

[DaBackpack]

There it is, Walter. It's beginning
to come apart at the seams already.
A murder's never perfect. It always
comes apart sooner or later. And
when two people are involved it's
usually sooner. We know the
Dietrichson dame is in it, and
somebody else. Pretty soon we're
going to know who that somebody else
is. He'll show. He's got to show.
Sometime, somewhere, they've got to
meet. Their emotions are all kicked
up. Whether it's love or hate doesn't
matter. They can't keep away from
each other. They think it's twice as
safe because there are two of them.
But it's not twice as safe. It's ten
times twice as dangerous. They've
committed a murder and that's not
like taking a trolley ride together
where each one can get off at a
different stop. They're stuck with
each other. They've got to ride all
the way to the end of the line. And
it's a one-way trip, and the last
stop is the cemetery.

[thesunfan]

is this how you be noir?
i thought you put () around everything

[roundbox]

Originally Posted by DaBackpack

There it is, Walter. It's beginning
to come apart at the seams already.
A murder's never perfect. It always
comes apart sooner or later. And
when two people are involved it's
usually sooner. We know the
Dietrichson dame is in it, and
somebody else. Pretty soon we're
going to know who that somebody else
is. He'll show. He's got to show.
Sometime, somewhere, they've got to
meet. Their emotions are all kicked
up. Whether it's love or hate doesn't
matter. They can't keep away from
each other. They think it's twice as
safe because there are two of them.
But it's not twice as safe. It's ten
times twice as dangerous. They've
committed a murder and that's not
like taking a trolley ride together
where each one can get off at a
different stop. They're stuck with
each other. They've got to ride all
the way to the end of the line. And
it's a one-way trip, and the last
stop is the cemetery.

hm

Originally Posted by DaBackpack

Spongebob Squarepants Movie Script

I got it! I got it! I got it!







Dinghy ahoy.







Dinghy off the port bow.







- Dinghy off the port bow!

- Dinghy off the port bow!







Dinghy off the port bow.







- Captain, dinghy off the...

- Dinghy.







I got it!







I got it.







Where is it?







It's right here, captain.







I never thought I'd see it

with me own eye.







Tickets to The SpongeBob Movie!







Who lives in a pineapple

Under the sea?







Absorbent and yellow

And porous is he







SpongeBob SquarePants







If nautical nonsense

Be something you wish







SpongeBob SquarePants







Then drop on the deck

And flop like a fish







SpongeBob SquarePants

SpongeBob SquarePants







SpongeBob SquarePants







SpongeBob SquarePants







SpongeBob SquarePants

SpongeBob SquarePants







SpongeBob SquarePants







SpongeBob SquarePants

SpongeBob SquarePants







SpongeBob SquarePants







The sea. So mysterious,

so beautiful. So...







...wet.







Our story begins in Bikini Bottom's

popular undersea eatery







The Krusty Krab restaurant, where...







- Back up. Back up.

- Hey. Wait a minute.







- What is happening?

- Please, settle down.







We've got a situation in there







I'd rather not discuss

till me manager gets here.







Look, there he is.







Talk to me, Krabs.







It started out as a simple order:

A Krabby Patty with cheese.







When the customer took a bite,







no cheese!







Get ahold of yourself, Eugene.

I'm going in.







Take it easy, friend. I'm the manager

of this establishment.







Everything's gonna be just fine.







- I'm really scared here, man.

- You got a name?







- Phil.

- You got a family, Phil?







Come on, Phil, stay with me.

Let's hear about that family.







I got a wife

and two beautiful children.







That's what it's all about.

I want you to do me a favor, Phil.







What?







Say cheese.







Order up.







Three cheers for the manager!







Hip! Hip!







Hip! Hip!







Hip! Hip!







Hooray!







Gary, I had that dream again.







And it's finally gonna

come true. Today.







Sorry about this, calendar.







Because today is the grand-opening

ceremony for The Krusty Krab







where Mr. Krabs will announce

the new manager.







Who's it gonna be, Gary?







Well, let's ask my wall

of consecutive







employee-of-the-month awards.







SpongeBob SquarePants.







I'm ready. Promotion.







Cleanliness is next to

manager-liness.







I'm ready. Promotion.







I'm ready. Promotion.







SpongeBob!

What are you doing in here?







I have to tell you something,

Squidward.







Whatever it is,

can't it wait until we get to work?







- There's no shower at work.

- What do you want?







I just wanted to say

I'll be thanking you







in my managerial acceptance

speech today.







Get out!







Okay. I'll see you at the ceremony.







That sounds like the manager

of the new Krusty Krab .







Oops. Hold on.







- Congratulations, buddy.

- Oh, thanks, Patrick.







And tonight, after my big promotion,

we're gonna party till we're purple.







I love being purple!







We're going to the place

where all the action is.







- You don't mean...?

- Oh, I mean.







Goofy Goober's Ice Cream

Party Boat!







Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah

You're a Goofy Goober, yeah







We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah

Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah







I'd better get going.







I'm ready. Promotion.

I'm ready. Promotion.







Good luck, SpongeBob.

Hey, look for me at the ceremony.







I got a little surprise for you.







I'm a Goofy Goober

Yeah







Hello, Bikini Bottom!







Perch Perkins here, coming

to you live from in front of







The Krusty Krab restaurant,







for years the only place

to get a delicious







and mouthwatering Krabby Patty.

Until today, that is.







That's right, folks. Longtime owner

Mr. Krabs is opening a new restaurant







called The Krusty Krab .







First of all,

congratulations, Mr. Krabs.







Hello. I like money.







What inspired you to build

a second Krusty Krab







right next door to the original?







Money.







Curses!







It's not fair.







Krabs is being interviewed

by Perch Perkins,







and I've never even had

one customer!







Don't get worked up again, Plankton,

I just mopped the floors.







Oh, Karen, my computer wife,

if only I could have managed to steal







the secret to Krabs' success,







the formula for the Krabby Patty.







Then people would line up

to eat at my restaurant.







Lord knows I've tried.







I've exhausted every evil plan

in my filing cabinet...







...from A to Y.

- A to Y?







Yeah, A to Y.

You know, the alphabet.







What about Z?







- Z?

- Z. The letter after Y.







W, X, Y,







Z. Plan Z!







- Here it is, just like you said.

- Oh, boy.







It's evil.







It's diabolical.







It's lemon-scented.







This Plan Z can't possibly fail!







So enjoy today, Mr. Krabs,







because by tomorrow,

I'll have the formula.







Then everyone will eat

at the Chum Bucket,







and I will rule the world!







All hail Plankton. All hail Plank...!







I'm ready. Promotion.

I'm ready. Promotion.







I think I stepped in something.







Not in something,

on someone, you twit.







Sorry, Plankton.







Are you on your way

to the grand-opening ceremony?







No, I am not on my way over

to the grand-opening ceremony.







I'm busy planning to rule the world!







Well, good luck with that.







I'm ready. Promotion.

I'm ready. Promotion.







Stupid kid.







Welcome. Welcome, everyone,

to the grand opening







of The Krusty Krab .







- We paid $ for this?

- I paid .







Now, before we begin

with the ribbon-cutting,







I'd like to announce the name

of our new manager.







Yay! Yeah!







Yeah! Now we're talking! Yeah!







Yes. Well, anyway...







The new manager is a loyal,

hard-working employee.







Yes.







The obvious choice for the job.







He's right.







A name you all know.

It starts with an S.







- That's me.

- Please welcome our new manager...







...Squidward Tentacles.







Yes! Yeah!







Oh, better luck next time, buddy.







Yeah! All right!







People of Bikini Bottom,

as the manager of...







SpongeBob.







Hold the phone, folks, I'm getting an

important news flash from Mr. Krabs.







Go ahead, Mr. K.







I'm making a complete what

of myself?







The most embarrassing thing

you've ever seen?







And now it's worse

because I'm repeating







everything you say

into the microphone?







Oh, for crying out loud, SpongeBob,

you didn't get the job.







- What?

- You did not get the job.







But... But why?







SpongeBob, you're a great fry cook,







but I gave the job to Squidward

because being manager







is a big responsibility.







Well, let's face it, he's more...







...mature than you.

- I'm not...







...mature?







Lad, I mean this

in the nicest of ways,







but there's a word for what you are,







and that word is...







Now, let's see...







- Dork?

- No, wait, that's not right. Not a dork.







- A goofball?

- Closer, but no, no, no.







- A ding-a-ling.

- Wing nut.







A Knucklehead McSpazatron.







Okay, that's enough.







Look, what I'm trying to say is,

you're just a kid.







And to be a manager,

you have to be a man.







Otherwise they'd call it "kid-ager. "







You understand-ager?

I mean, you understand?







I guess so, Mr. Krabs.







SpongeBob?







I'm ready. Depression.







I'm ready. Depression.







Poor kid.







Hooray for SpongeBob!







Hooray for SpongeBob!







Let's hear it for SpongeBob!







Hello?







Where'd everybody go?







Did I miss something?







Did you see my butt?







Later that evening...







Time to put Plan Z into effect.







Starting at the undersea castle

of King Neptune.







Oh, right.







The royal court is now in session.







Bring the prisoner forward.







So you have confessed to the crime

of touching the king's crown.







- Yes, but...

- But what?







But it's my job, Your Highness.

I'm the royal crown polisher.







Well, then I guess

I can't execute you.







- Twenty years in the dungeon it is.

- Daddy.







You're free to go.







Bless you, Princess Mindy.







Mindy, how dare you defy me.







Why do you have to be so mean?







I am the king.

I must enforce the laws of the sea.







Father, I wish you'd try

a little love and compassion







instead of these harsh punishments.







That would be nice.







Squire, clear the room.







I wish to speak

to my daughter alone.







What is this, Mindy?







- Your crown?

- And what does this crown do?







- Covers your bald spot.

- It's not bald, it's







thinning.







This crown does much more

than cover a slightly receding hairline.







No, this crown entitles the one who

wears it to be in charge of the sea.







One day, you will wear this crown.







I'm gonna be bald?







Thinning!







Anyway, the point is,

you won't wear it







until you learn how to rule

with an iron fist.







Like your father.







Dad, your "crown"...







What the...?







My crown!







Someone has stolen

the royal crown!







I got it. I got it.







Hey, all you Goobers,

it's time to say howdy







to your favorite undersea peanut,

Goofy Goober.







Howdy, Goofy Goober!







Hey, fellow Goofy Goobers.

Time to sing.







Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah

You're a Goofy Goober, yeah







We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah

Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah







All right. Get it together, old boy.







I know. I'll just stop thinking about it.







Hey, you know,

I actually feel a little better.







I don't even remember

why I was sad.







Hey, it's the new

Krusty Krab manager.







Wow, the pressure's

already setting in.







No, Pat, you don't understand.







I didn't get the promotion.







What? Why?







Mr. Krabs thinks I'm a kid.







- What? That's insane.

- I know.







Well, saying you're a kid,

it's like saying I'm a kid.







- Here's your Goober Meal, sir.

- I'm supposed to get a toy with this.







Thanks.







I'm gonna head home, Pat.

The celebration's off.







- Are you sure?

- Yeah. I'm not in a Goober mood.







Okay, see you.







And here's your Triple

Gooberberry Sunrise, sir.







Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, huh?







I guess I could use one of those.







Now you're talking.







Hey, waiter, we need

another one over here.







There you go.







Boy, Pat, that hit the spot.







- I'm feeling better already.

- Yeah.







Waiter, let's get

another round over here.







Oh, Mr. Waiter. Two more, please.







Waiter.







Oh, waiter.







Waiter.







Waiter.







- Waiter!

- Why do I always get the nuts?







All right, folks, this one goes out

to my two bestest friends







in the whole world:







Patrick and this big peanut guy.







It's a little ditty called...







..."Waiter!"







Hey. Hey, get up.







Hey, come on, buddy.

I wanna go home.







Come on, pal.







Oh, my head.







Listen to me. It's in the morning.







Go scrape up your friend

and get going.







My friend?







Patrick. Hey, what's up, buddy?







Wait, you said : .







I'm late for work.

Mr. Krabs is gonna be...







Mr. Krabs.







Now, pay attention, Squidward.







As new manager, you've gotta keep

a sharp eye out for paying customers.







Yawn.







What's this? King Neptune is riding

toward The Krusty Krab at lunchtime.







He's got money.







Stay in the coach, daughter.

This won't take long.







Daddy, please.

I think you're overreacting.







Silence, Mindy.

I know what I'm doing.







- Squire.

- Yes, Your Highness.







Have this pole executed at once.







A hundred and one dollars

for a Krabby Patty?







With cheese, Mr. Squidward,

with cheese.







Greeting, subjects.







I seek the one known

as Eugene Krabs.







May he present himself

to me at once.







I'm Eugene Krabs, Your Highness.

Would you like to order something?







Nay! I'm on to you, Krabs!







You have stolen the royal crown,

you cannot deny.







For, clever as you are,







you left one damning piece of evidence

at the scene of the crime.







"I stole your crown.

Signed, Eugene Krabs. "







Relinquish the royal crown

to me at once.







But... But this is crazy. I didn't do it.







Ahoy, this is Eugene Krabs.

Leave a message.







Hi, Mr. Krabs. This is Clay,

the guy you sold Neptune's crown to.







Yeah, I just wanted to say

thanks again for selling me the crown.







Neptune's crown.

I sold it to a guy in Shell City,







and I just wanted to say thanks again

for selling me the crown.







Neptune's crown.







Which is now in Shell City.

Goodbye.







Don't you just hate wrong numbers?







My crown is in

the forbidden Shell City?!







Plan Z. I love Plan Z.







Prepare to burn, Krabs.







Wait, Neptune.

Please, I'm begging you.







I ain't a crook.

Ask anyone, they'll vouch for me.







Very well, then.







Before I turn this conniving

crustacean into fishmeal,







who here has anything to say

about Eugene Krabs?







I've got something to say

about Mr. Krabs.







SpongeBob, me boy,

you've come just in time.







- Pardon me, miss.

- Please, tell King Neptune







all about me.







I have worked for Mr. Krabs

for many years







and always thought

he was a great boss.







You see? A great boss.







I now realize

that he's a great big jerk!







I deserve that manager's job!







But you didn't give it to me,

because you say I'm a kid.







Well, I am -percent man!







And this man has got

something to say to you.







There. I think I made my point.







Anyone else?







No? Well, then.







Me pants are on fire!







Me underwear's on fire!







I'm on fire!







Oh, yeah.







And now, Eugene Krabs, you will...







Wait.







I'm flattered you would do this

on my account,







but being manager

isn't worth killing Mr. Krabs over.







Quiet, fool! Mr. Krabs stole my crown,

and now it's in Shell City.







- That's why he must die.

- Doesn't it seem a little harsh







to kill someone over a crown?







You don't understand. My crown

is a symbol of my king-like authority.







And between you and me...







...my hair is thinning a bit.







Oh, Your Highness, I'm sure it's not

that notice... Bald. Bald.







- Bald! Bald!

- Bald! Bald!







My eyes!







All right, all right.







King Neptune, sir?







Would you spare Mr. Krabs' life

if I went to get your crown back?







You, go to Shell City?







No one who's gone to Shell City

has ever returned.







What makes you think you could?

You're just a kid.







But I'm not a kid. I can do it.







Run along, I have a crab to cook.







No! I won't let you.







Very well, then.







I'll have to fry you both.







Daddy, stop it.







Can't you get through one day

without executing someone?







Mindy. I told you

to stay in the carriage.







Where's your love and compassion?







Look at this little guy.







He's willing to risk his life

to find your crown and save his boss.







- But, daughter, I...

- Please, Father?







At least let him try.

What have you got to lose?







Might I remind you

of your special problem?







- Bald! Bald! Bald!

- Bald!







- Bald! Bald!

- My eyes!







All right.







Very well, Mindy.







I'll give him a chance.







But when your little champion

fails to return,







I get to splatter this crab

all over the walls.







And as for you, be back here

with my crown in exactly ten days.







- He can do it in nine.

- Eight.







- Seven.

- Six.







- Patrick!

- Patrick!







Six it is, then.







- Five.

- Patrick, shush.







Until then, the crab shall remain

frozen where he now stands.







No, wait. I'm begging you.







Who turned on the AC? Mr. Krabs!







Oh, no, this is terrible.







Who's gonna sign my paycheck?







Come along, Mindy.







Listen, you guys, the road

to Shell City is really dangerous.







There's crooks, killers

and monsters everywhere.







And what's worse,

there's a giant Cyclops







who guards the outskirts of the city

and preys on innocent sea creatures.







Don't let him catch you,

because if he does,







he'll take you back to his lair,

and you'll never be seen again.







She's purty, SpongeBob.







Here, take this.







What's in here?







It's a magical bag of winds.







- I stole them from my father.

- You're hot.







Once you find the crown,

open the bag of winds







and you'll be blown back home.







- Mindy!

- I'm coming.







- Good luck, SpongeBob.

- Wait. How did you know my name?







Oh, I'm gonna be

queen of the sea one day.







I've learned the names

of all the sea creatures.







What's my name?







That's easy. You're Patrick Star.







- Mindy!

- I gotta go. I believe in you guys.







Thanks, Mindy.







Don't worry, Mr. Krabs.

Patrick, Squidward and I...







Pass.







- Patrick and I...

- Hi.







...are gonna get that crown back

and save you from Neptune's wrath.







You've got nothing to worry about.

Your life is in our hands.







Patrick, let's go get that crown.







- Feast your eyes, Patrick.

- What is it?







The Patty Wagon.







Mr. Krabs uses it

for promotional reasons.







Let me show you

some of its features.







Sesame-seed finish,

steel-belted pickles,







grilled-leather interior.

And under the hood,







a fuel-injected french-fryer

with dual overhead grease traps.







- Wow.

- Yeah, wow.







Hey, I thought you didn't have

a driver's license.







You don't need a license

to drive a sandwich.







- Shell City, here we come!

- Shell City, here we come!







Ding-a-ling.







Hey there, old buddy. Freeze.







One secret formula to go, please.







No, no, don't trouble yourself.

I'll get it.







Well, I'd like to hang around,

but I've got Krabby Patties to make...







...over at the Chum Bucket.







Plan Z, I love you.







Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah

You're a Goofy Goober, yeah







We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah

Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah







Fill her up, please.







What'll it be, fellas,

mustard or ketchup?







Are they laughing at us?







No, Patrick,

they're laughing next to us.







Where you two dumb kids

headed, anyway?







- Kids?

- Now, Patrick.







For your information,

we are not kids, we are men.







And we're off to get

King Neptune's crown in Shell City.







- Shell City?

- Shell City?







Ain't that the place that's guarded

by a killer Cyclops?







That's right.







Lloyd, take off your hat in respect.







Respect for the dead!







You two dipsticks ain't gonna last

ten seconds over the county line.







Oh, yeah? We'll see about that.







Out of the car, fellas.







How many seconds was that?







Twelve.







- In your face.

- In your face.







That's what I'm talking about. Yeah.







Who's the kid now?







They're dead.







Perch Perkins here

with an incredible news flash.







Plankton is selling Krabby Patties

at the Chum Bucket.







How is this possible? Let's find out.







Step right up. Plenty for everybody.







Excuse me, Plankton.

Perch Perkins, Bikini Bottom News.







- Can I get a minute?

- Anything for you, Perch.







All of Bikini Bottom wants to know,

how did you get the Krabby Patty?







Well, Perch, before my dear friend

Eugene Krabs







was frozen by King Neptune...







I'm sorry.







He confided in me a secret wish.







"Sell the Krabby Patty in my absence

at the Chum Bucket," he said.







"Don't let the flame die out. "







By the way, act now and you get

a free Chum Bucket bucket helmet







with every purchase.

Here you go, Perch.







- Thanks.

- Bucket helmets for everyone!







My helmet!







Karen, baby, I haven't felt this giddy







since the day you agreed

to be my wife.







I never agreed.







Evil Plan Z is working perfectly.







Nothing can stop me now.







Nothing except SpongeBob

and his pink friend.







My sensors indicate

that they're going after the crown.







If they make it back, Neptune might

discover some fingerprints.







Tiny fingerprints.







Stubby, tiny fingerprints.







Evil Plan Z

is way ahead of you, baby.







I've already hired someone

to take care of those two.







He's a vicious,

cold-blooded predator.







Sesame seed.







Hey, mister.







Does that hat take ten gallons?







- Going on.

- Yeah. Yeah.







- Moving on.

- Just keep going.







Yup.







Gonna get that crown.







Oh, yeah.







- All right.

- All right.







Yeah. Victory.







- Are we there yet?

- We must be close by now.







Patrick, look. We're doing great!







Shell City's only five days away.







By car.







I wish we still had our car.







SpongeBob, look.







Our car!







- The key.

- Where do you think it is?







There it is, Pat. The key!







Now, how are we gonna get it?







I know. Walk in and ask him for it.







What are you looking at?







- Patrick, that's a terrible idea.

- Sorry.







I know. I'll go in and create

a distraction, and you get the key.







Wait. I wanna do the distraction.







Okay. I guess it really doesn't matter

who does the distraction.







You see me walking back...?







Can I have everybody's attention?







I have to use the bathroom.







It's right over there.







Stupid contacts. Oh, there it is.

I better go wash it off.







Patrick. You call that a distraction?







Well, I had to go to the bathroom.







Well, I got my hands dirty

for nothing.







Patrick, check it out.







- Hooray!

- Hooray!







- Bubble party!

- Bubble party!







Hey!







Who blew this bubble?







You all know the rules!







All bubble-blowing babies

will be beaten senseless







by every able-bodied patron

in the bar.







That's right! So who blew it?







So nobody knows.







- Maybe it was...

- Shut up!







Somebody in here ain't a real man.







You! We're on a baby hunt.







And don't think we don't know

how to weed them out.







Now, everybody line up.







DJ, time for the test.







No baby can resist

singing along to this.







SpongeBob, it's the

Goofy Goober theme song.







I know.







Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah







You're a Goofy Goober, yeah







We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah

Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah







- It was you! You're the baby!

- No, no! I only coughed, I swear.







DJ! Turn it up louder!







Don't sing along, Patrick.







I'm trying.







Trying so hard.







I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah







You're a Goofy Goober, yeah







We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah







Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah







Well, well, well.







Which one of you babies was it?







- It was him.

- It was him.







- He did it.

- He did it.







I've never even eaten at...







Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah







Well, looks like we got ourselves

a double baby.







Man, that was a close call.







Guess what I got.







The key!







Too bad SpongeBob's not here

to enjoy SpongeBob not being here.







Morning.







Some people have no taste

in headgear.







Babies too?







Excuse me, miss,







but where is everybody

getting that horrid headwear?







Who said that?







Down here.







Well, I got it at the Chum Bucket.







Plankton's giving them away free

with every Krabby Patty.







Chum Bucket? Free? Krabby Patty?







Plankton? Giving? With?







So you're selling

Krabby Patties, Plankton?







That's right, Squidward.







And there's a free bucket helmet

with every purchase.







Care for one?







No. You may have hoodwinked

everyone else in this backwater town,







but you can't fool me.







I listen to public radio.







- And what's that supposed to mean?

- It means you set up Mr. Krabs.







You stole the crown

so Neptune would freeze him







and you could finally get your stubby

little paws on the Krabby Patty formula.







It was you all along.







But you made one fatal mistake.







You messed with my paycheck.







And I'm gonna report you

to the highest authority in the land,







King Neptune!







We'll see about that,

Inspector Looselips.







Now activating helmet

brain- control devices.







What?







All hail Plankton.







- What's going on here?

- All hail Plankton.







Seize him, slaves!







All hail Plankton.







I'm getting out of here!







All hail Plankton.







All hail Plankton.







Who can stop me now?







Who?







- Come on, Pat, one more time.

- Okay.







We're on a baby hunt. And don't think

we don't know how to weed them out.







"Weed them out. "







What a jerk.







The road's getting kind of bumpy here.







You know, SpongeBob,







there's a lesson to be learned

from all of this.







What's that, Patrick?







A bubble-blowing double baby

doesn't belong out here







in man's country.







Yeah. Wait.







We blew that bubble.







Doesn't that make us

a bubble-blowing double baby?







Hey, look, free ice cream!







Oh, boy!







How you doing?







Wait a minute.







Wait a minute.







SpongeBob!







Yeah?







Make mine a chocolate!







Got you covered. Two, please.







Certainly.







You kids enjoy.







Actually, we're men,

lady, but thanks.







Okay, Patrick, let's...







You can let go now.

I said, let go, please.







What is this?







What kind of old lady are you?







Did you get the ice cream?







Step on it, Patrick!







Hey!







You may not know it, cowboy,







but we got a rule around here

about blowing bubbles.







All bubble-blowing babies

will be beaten senseless by every







able-bodied...







- In bar...

- Bar...







Come on, kiddies,

have some ice cream.







I'll let you pet Mr. Whiskers.







Jump for it, Patrick!







Well, we lost our car again.







Never mind the car,

where's the road?







Road. Road. Road.







Road. Road. Road.







Road. R... Sorry.







There's the road.







On the other side of this...







...deep, dark...







...dangerous...







- Hazardous.

... hazardous...







Monster-infested.







Yeah, monster-infested...







...trench.







Hey, SpongeBob, look!







Here's the way down.







Well, we're not gonna get

the crown standing here.







On to Shell City.







Hey, look, it's making noise.







SpongeBob?







- Hey, where are you going?

- I'm going home, Patrick.







But what about Mr. Krabs?







What about us?







We'll never survive in that trench!







You said it yourself,

this is man's country.







And let's face it, Pat. We're just...







...kids.

- We're not kids.







Open your eyes, Patrick!







We blow bubbles, we eat ice cream.







We worship a dancing peanut,

for corn's sake!







We don't belong out here!







We do not worship him.







You've been wearing the same Goofy

Goober Peanut Party underpants







for three years straight.







What do you call that?







Worship?







You're right, SpongeBob.

We are kids.







Pull your pants up, Patrick.







- We're going home.

- But you can't go home.







Mindy!







Mindy?







- How much did you hear?

- I heard enough.







- Did you see my underwear?

- No, Patrick.







Did you want to?







Look, guys, you may be kids,







but you're the only ones left

who can get that crown.







What do you mean,

the only ones left?







Things have gotten a lot worse

since you left Bikini Bottom.







Or should I say Planktopolis.







All hail Plankton.







No resting!







This monument celebrating my glory

isn't gonna build itself.







Move faster!







Oh, my gosh! Patrick, look!







Plankton's turned everyone

we know into slaves.







Squidward.







Sandy.







Mrs. Puff.







Even Gary.







Plankton.







Can't your father do something?







My father's too distracted

by his bald spot to do anything.







Squire, will you hurry.







So you see, you can't quit.







The fate of Bikini Bottom

rests in your hands.







- But... But we're just...

- Hey. It doesn't matter if you're kids.







And what's so wrong with

being a kid, anyway? Kids rule!







You don't need to be a man

to do this.







You just gotta believe in yourself.







You just gotta believe!







- I believe.

- That's the spirit.







I believe that







everybody I know is a goner!







Come on, guys.







Guys.







Guys?







Guys?







Oh, boy.







Think, Mindy, think.







Yup, I guess you're right.







A couple of kids could never

survive this journey.







That's why I guess I'll just

have to turn you into men.







You can do that? How?







With my mermaid magic.







Did you hear that, Patrick?







She'll use her mermaid magic

to turn us into men!







Hooray!







We're gonna be men! We're gonna

be men! We're gonna be men!







Good. Now, let's get started.







Close your eyes.







- Are we men yet?

- Not yet.







Spin around three times.







I think it's working.







Good. Now, keep your eyes shut.







With my mermaid's magic







and my one tailfin,







I command the two of you

to turn into men!







Open your eyes.







I don't feel any... Oh, my gosh,

Patrick, you have a mustache!







So do you!







So now that you're men,

can you make it to Shell City?







- Guys.

- Yeah?







I said, now that you're men,

can you make it to Shell City?







Heck, yeah!







- Are men afraid of anything?

- Heck, no!







And why?







Because we're invincible!







- Yeah!

- Yeah!







I never said that.









Yeah.







- Patrick?

- Yeah, buddy?







Why did we jump over the edge

instead of taking the stairs?







Bec...







Well...







- Patrick.

- Are we dead?







No. Far from it, my friend.







We're safe and sound

at the bottom of this trench.







The mustaches worked!







Do you know what that means?







We are invincible!







Now that we're men

We can do anything







Now that we're men

We are invincible







Now that we're men

We'll go to Shell City







Get the crown, save the town

And Mr. Krabs







Now that we're men







We have facial hair







Now that we're men







I change my underwear







Now that we're men

We've got a manly flair







We've got the stuff

We're tough enough to save the day







We never had a chance

when we were kids







No! No! No!







But take a look at what

the mermaid did







Yeah, go, Pat.







Oh, yeah.







Yeah, go, SpongeBob.







Hooray!







Now that they're men

We can't bother them







Now that they're men

They have become our friends







Now that they're men

There'll be a happy end







They'll pass the test

And finish the quest for the crown







They'll pass the test







And finish the quest







They'll pass the test

And finish the quest for the crown







"Shell City, dead ahead. "







We did it, Pat!







We made it past everything!







Even the hideous,

disgusting monsters.







Not you guys.







You guys are awesome!







Well, Patrick, we should be there

in one more verse.







- Now that we're men...

- Finally.







I got you right where I want you.







Can I help you with something, sir?







Name's Dennis.







I've been hired to exterminate you.







You're gonna exterminate us?







Listen, junior,







you caught me and my friend here

in a good mood today,







so I'm gonna let you off

with a warning.







Step aside,

and you won't have to feel







the awesome wrath

of our mustaches.







You mean these?







I thought you still had a piece of salad

stuck to your lip from lunchtime.







They were fake?







Of course they were fake!







This is what a real mustache

looks like.







- Is he a mermaid?

- All right. Enough gab.







What are you gonna do to us?







Plankton was very specific.







Plankton?







For some reason,

he wanted me to step on you.







Step on us?







Yeah! That way you'll never find out

that he stole the crown!







Perhaps I've said too much.







That's a big boot.







Don't worry.







This will only hurt a lot.







I love this job!







- Bigger boot!

- Wait, Pat.







This bigger boot saved our lives.







Thank you, stranger.







Stranger?







It's the Cyclops!







Help us! Help us!







Save us, someone!







Are we dead?







I don't think so.







Artificially colored rocks?







I don't know where we are.







What is this?







It's some kind of wall

of psychic energy.







No, Pat, it's a giant glass bowl.







Hey, there's some fish folk.







- Hey, over here!

- Hey! Hey! Hey, you guys!







- You guys, hey! Help!

- Hey! Help!







- A little help here! We're stuck in this...

- Help us out of the tank!







Wait a second.







Those fish are dead.







What's he gonna do with us?







Oh, no, he's going for his

evil instruments of torture.







Glue? Google eyes?







He's making

a humorous diorama of...







...Alexander Clam Bell?







Patrick, he's killing sea animals and

making them into smelly knickknacks.







And I think we're next.







- You think so?

- Patrick! No!







The heat is so intense

from this lamp that I can't move.







Tell me about it.







This doesn't look too good, Patrick.







You mean we're not gonna







Get the crown, save the town

And Mr. Krabs?







I don't even think we're gonna

be able to save ourselves, buddy.







- Thanks.

- Don't mention it.







Well, it looks like what everybody

said about us is true, Patrick.







You mean that we're attractive?







No, that we're just kids.







A couple of kids

in way over their heads.







We were doomed from the start.







I mean, look at us.







We didn't even come

close to the crown.







We let everybody down.







We failed.







Shell City.







Yeah, we never made it to Shell City.







Shell City.







Exactly, buddy.







Yeah, the place we never got to.







Shell City.







Okay, now you're starting

to bum me out, Patrick.







No, look at the sign.







"Shell City.

Marine gifts and sundries. "







Shell City is a gift shop?







But if this is Shell City,

then where's the...?







- Crown.

- Crown.







Neptune's crown.







This is Shell City.







Pat, we did make it.







Yeah, I guess we did.







We did all right

for a couple of goofballs.







I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah







You're a Goofy Goober, yeah







We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah







Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah







That's the end of SpongeBob.







Come here, you.







Shut up and look at the screen.







The bird's right. Look.







It be the tear of the Goofy Goobers.







Hey, we're alive.







- Let's get that crown.

- Right.







On three, Patrick. Ready?

One, two, three.







Hey, it's lighter than I thought.







What's happening?







I don't know. Look!







Come on, Patrick.







Let's get this crown

back to Bikini Bottom.







- Do you still have that bag of winds?

- I sure do.







Here you go.







What?







Nothing. Nothing.







Okay, let's go over the instructions.







Let's see, it says here, "Step one:

Point bag away from home. "







- Okay.

- "Step two: Plant feet firmly on ground. "







- Right.

- "Step three:







Remove string from bag,

releasing the winds. "







Check.







Well, that seems simple enough.







Point bag away from home,

feet firmly on ground,







pull string, releasing the winds.







All right, let's do it for real.







SpongeBob?







- No, no, stop!

- I was bad, I'm sorry!







- Please, bag.

- I'm sorry, I just thought...







It was a mistake!







Oh, no. How will we ever get

back to Bikini Bottom now?







I can take you there.







- Who are you?

- I'm David Hasselhoff.







- Hooray!

- Hooray!







So where's your boat?







Boat?







- Go, Hasselhoff.

- Next stop, Bikini Bottom.







All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.







Well, Krabs,

you know what today is?







Sorry about this, calendar.







March .







Wait, that's not right.







It should say

"The day that Krabs fries. "







Guess who's here.







Hooray for Hasselhoff!

Nothing can stop us now.







Unidentified object

off the hindquarters.







It looks like...







...bigger boot.







But how?







Dennis!







Did you miss me?







This is the best seat in the house.







All right, Neptune, let's get it on.







Eugene Krabs,

your six-day reprieve is up,







and it is time for you to die.







Please, I didn't do it.







There is nothing else I can do.







You can give SpongeBob and Patrick

a little more time.







Except give SpongeBob and Patrick

a little more time...







What? Mindy, will you butt out.







I won't have you stalling

this execution.







Stalling? I'm not stalling anything.







- Yes, you are.

- No, I'm not.







Yes, you are.

You're doing it right now.







- I'm stalling.

- Yes.







- Stalling?

- Stalling!







- Stalling.

- Stalling!







Oh, boy.







Now, where were we?







- Patrick, run.

- No.







I'm tired of running.







If we run now, we'll never stop...







Run, SpongeBob!







Take it easy back there, fellas.







SpongeBob, be careful.







Come on, kid, give it up.







Dennis always gets his man.







Never!







Yeah! I did it!







You got guts, kid.







Too bad I gotta rip them out of you.







I don't know what Plankton's

paying you,







but if you let us go,

I can make it worth your while.







It's gonna take a lot more than ...







- What is this?

- That, sir, is five Goober dollars.







Legal tender at any participating

Goofy Goober...







I got bubbles. Fun at parties.







My eyes.







I got you, SpongeBob.







Thanks, buddy.







Thanks a lot.







That's it.







I'm through messing around.







See you later, fools.







See you.







So you think...







...I'm...







...stalling.







Where am I, in Crazytown?







I have had enough of this nonsense!







You are to wait in the carriage

until the execution is done.







- But, Daddy...

- Now!







No, no, no!







Oh, SpongeBob, wherever you are,

you better hurry.







Okay, fellas, this is where you get off.

Bikini Bottom's directly below.







But we'll never be able

to float down in time.







Who said anything about floating?







- Initiating launch sequence.

- What the...?







- Did you see that?

- The control.







All hands on deck.







Ten seconds to liftoff. Nine, eight...







Eugene Krabs, the time has come...







- No.

- Yes.







...six, five...







...for you...







- No.

- Yes.







...three, two...







...to fry.

- No.







- Yes.

- ... one.







No!







You done good, Hasselhoff.

You done...







Hooray! We made it.







We made it.







My crown.







My beautiful crown!







SpongeBob? Patrick?

I knew you could do it.







Oh, yes. Well done, SpongeBoob.







Sorry to rain

on your parade, Plankton.







Oh, don't worry about me.







My parade shall be quite dry

under my umbrella!







Umbrella?







Daddy, no.







Daddy, yes.







All hail Plankton.







All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.







All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.







SpongeBob, what happened?







- Plankton cheated.

- Cheated?







Hold on there, baldy.







Oh, grow up.







What, you think this is a game

of kickball on the playground?







You never had a chance

to defeat me, fool.







And you know why?







Because you cheated?







No, not because I cheated.

Because I'm an evil genius.







And you're just a kid.







A stupid kid.







I guess you're right, Plankton.

I am just a kid.







Of course I'm right.

Okay, Neptune, time to kill.







And you know, I've been through

a lot in the past six days,







five minutes,

-and-a-half seconds.







And if I've learned anything

during that time,







it's that you are who you are.







- That's right. Okay, Neptune...

- And no amount of mermaid magic...







...or managerial promotion...







...or some other third thing...







...can make me anything more

than what I really am inside:







- A kid.

- That's great.







- Now, get back against the wall.

- But that's okay.







- What? What's going on?

- Because I did







what everyone said

a kid couldn't do.







I made it to Shell City,

and I beat the Cyclops,







and I rode the Hasselhoff,

and I brought the crown back.







- All right, we get the point.

- So, yeah, I'm a kid.







And I'm also a goofball.

And a wing nut.







And a Knucklehead McSpazatron!







- What's going on here?

- But most of all, I'm...







- Okay, settle down. Take it easy.

- I'm... I'm...







What the scallop?!







I'm a Goofy Goober







You're a Goofy Goober







We're all Goofy Goobers







Goofy, goofy, goober, goober







Put your toys away

Well, all I gotta say







When you tell me not to play

I say no way







- No way!

- No, no freaking way







I'm a kid, you say

When you say I'm a kid







I say, "Say it again"

And then I say thanks







- Thanks!

- Thank you very much







So if you're thinking

That you'd like to be like me







Go ahead and try

The kid inside will set you free







I'm a Goofy Goober







What's happening?







His dance moves are impressive,

but I'm in control.







- Seize him!

- All hail Plankton.







I'm free. I've been freed!







What?







No!







My precious helmets!







His chops are too righteous.







The helmets can't handle

this level of rock 'n' roll.







Karen, do something.







Karen?







All right, that's the last straw.







Neptune, I command you to...







- Here you go, Daddy.

- I better get out of here.







Look, it's the wizard who saved us.







Out of my way, fools.







Come on, I was just kidding.







Come on, you guys knew that,

didn't you?







With the helmets

and the big monuments...







Wasn't that hilarious, everybody?







I will destroy all of you!







Well, Mindy, I have to admit,

you were right.







Your compassion

for these sea creatures







proved a most admirable trait.







Without it, I would have never

again seen my beloved crown.







I think you're going to make a fine

ruler of the sea one day.







- Now, let's go home.

- Daddy,







haven't you forgotten something?







What? Oh, yeah.







Eugene Krabs,

I forgot to unfreeze you.







What the...?







I guess I had it set to

"real boy" ending.







Oh, I'm sorry

for falsely freezing you, Krabs.







And may I say, sir,

you are a very lucky fellow







to have in your employ

such a brave, faithful







and heroic young lad.







- Where is he, anyway?

- I'm up here.







I'm on it.







Go to him now, Krabs.

Embrace him.







SpongeBob, me boy,

I'm sorry I ever doubted you.







That's a mistake I won't make again.







Oh, Mr. Krabs, you old soft-serve.







And now, SpongeBob,

I'm gonna do something







that I should've done six days ago.







Mr. Squidward,

front and center, please.







I think we all know who rightfully

deserves to wear that manager pin.







I couldn't agree more, sir.







Hooray for SpongeBob!







Wait a second, everybody.







There's something I need to say first.







I just don't know how to put it.







I think I know what it is.







After going on

your life-changing journey,







you now realize you don't want

what you thought you wanted.







What you really wanted

was inside you all along.







Are you crazy? I was just gonna

tell you that your fly is down.







Manager! This is

the greatest day of my life!







You know, David Hasselhoff

is a great artist.







Excuse me, sir.







You folks have to leave.







What? Say that again, if you dare.







You folks have to leave.







Okay.

[DaBackpack]

Originally Posted by roundbox

hm

don't tempt fate roundbox, or else you might get some double indemnity on your new shoes

[thesunfan]

would they be made of concrete in that case?
because concrete is expensive I don't wanna pay for that