Flash Flash Resistance

[SethSquall]

Re: Flash Flash Resistance

Wait no I'm not shut up.

[mead1]

Re: Flash Flash Resistance

I almost made a reference to DDR ALL THE WAY

Man, I'm old.

[qrrbrbirbel]

Re: Flash Flash Resistance

Chapter 2: Birth of the Resistance

"Last we saw our four heroes, they experienced a frightful and surprising encounter by Moontrip. He identified himself as a commander from Death Piano, a being that up until now had been a fairy tale. Unlike the story, the group received no rescue, leaving them with nothing but their wits and own strength to barter their lives with."

"Where do we go from here?" Seth questioned, still shaken from the hellish encounter. Bits of memories and classrooms lay scattered about his feet. Peaceful time, seemingly nothing but an echo now.

"Where CAN we go?" Dan cynically retorted. "I did some scouting ahead, and it's like this everywhere I went. It seems like this was a full-scale attack."

While the rest of the team stared into space, set to autopilot by the horrifying turn of events, Eileen was racking her intellect, forming a plan.

"Well, DP seems cocky enough to just send his weakest troops, so I'm guessing there should be more survivors." She deduced. "Our first priority should be finding those survivors and combining our efforts until we figure out the 'why' of this equation." Brad brimmed with pride seeing his girl take action.

"Agreed," Seth concurred, "we should start heading north, and from there...."

"I won't be continuing on with you guys..." Dan interrupted. "I.....I need to return to my home town and make sure my folks are okay." The anguish was apparent on his face. He had left home when he was just 16. His parents had wanted him to quit school and start into the family bubble wrap business. "Look at all this boy, all of this glorious bubble wrap will be yours someday." his father lectured. He remembered the sorrow in his own heart seeing the pride and joy in his father's eyes, as Dan knew he could never follow in those lollerskates.

"Go." Brad allowed, compassion in his eyes. "Don't be a stranger though, we'll need you if we're going to survive this.... well whatever this is!"

"Oh don't you worry," Dan boomed heartily, "I'll come back serving bowls of ass-kick 24/7." And with that, Dan began moonwalking the long trek home.

"Alright, let's move." Seth ordered. The team traveled north, seeing similar destruction sites all over Synthlight. They helped who they could, and questioned those well enough to stand. They deduced that the town was only hit by Moontrip, judging from the descriptions the other survivors gave.

As the inquired about a group of middle school student's trauma, a massive shadow passed over the group's heads. Instinctively, they grabbed what makeshift weapons were available to them and looked up. Just as quickly as they were picked up, the weapons clattered to the ground out of the trembling hands that held them. What the group saw sent their emotions into a clusterf*ck.

"I am He who is He. I am Shashakiro and you have been chosen." the god boomed. His voice gave them a feeling akin to the mixture of please and loss of bladder control they got riding a roller coaster. The sight of his body made them reverent and horny at the same time, sending them even deeper into confusion.

"These are troubling times. Death Piano has risen once again, and he's totally butthurt about being vanquished those many years ago. As a result, he's taking it out on you, my creations. You fingers must stand together or all will be lost. This won't be easy. Hell, you'll most likely all perish trying..." Shash quickly caught himself as he saw the widespread looks of despair he was creating. "I mean...uh....I have bitchin' weapons for you three!" The chosen, like kids at a candy store, quickly forgot everything else around them with the mention of "weapons for you".

"Seth, you shall be my warrior. Reflexes of a puma, strength of a walrus, you will toss your foes into a blender of oblivion with your hack n' slash sword work." Shash bestowed a Sword of Slashing unto Seth, giving him +5 to his Kickass.

"Eileen, you shall be my archer. Filling enemies to the brim with arrows, the battlefield will look like a cracked-out voodoo priest went a-wall on his dolls." He then bestowed unto Eileen the Bow of AOD, giving her near perfect accuracy.

"And Brad, you will be my tank. A shield of meat, you take ridiculous amounts of damage, but deliver it tenfold back unto the enemy." And with that, the last weapon was given to Brad. The Spearmint Spear was imbued with the power of frost, slowing down the enemy while keeping Brad feeling minty fresh.

"I must return to the heavens now, I forgot to TiVo Pokemon Johto. I will visit you again once you have proven yourselves worthy. 'Til then, be well, and never let all our base belong to enemy! Err......the enemy. Later guys." The ground shook once more with Shash's departure.

"Well, now that that's over," Seth said, a little glint in his eye, "it's time to kick ass and chew bubble-gum, and I'm all out of gum."

[igotrhythm]

Re: Flash Flash Resistance

Chosen by Shash...LOL.

[Zeus55005]

Re: Flash Flash Resistance

No thanks.

[qrrbrbirbel]

Re: Flash Flash Resistance

Chapter 3 should be up late tonight/early morning.

Also, if you don't like the story, please explain why, like KgZ. Stuff like "fanfic" doesn't really help me improve. This is my first story, so constructive criticism is VERY helpful. Also, please don't spam in my thread, this is for discussion/ideas for the story.

[qrrbrbirbel]

Re: Flash Flash Resistance

Chapter 3: "Will I dream Dave?"

It had been one full month since the heroes met Shash and obtained the means to survive… at least for now. The Resistance was firmly established, comprised of the survivors of Synthlight and its neighboring towns and cities. Although they were small, they posed a growing threat to DP and his dastardly deeds.

"Alright, what do we have today?" Seth inquired, wondering about new enemy movement. It was routine to check for any and all danger holes that had breached from the underworld. Nothing new, enemy-wise, had sprung up within the last month. Seth was both worried and grateful for that.

"We have an unusually large amount of holes opening up,” stated Brad. “I don't know if DP is strengthening his attack or if this is some new part of his plan."

Brad had taken on the role of a strategist at the Resistance, giving orders for food retrieval, weapons and so on. He left the military action to Seth, however, as he thought Seth was a natural-born leader.

Brad examined the area around him. “Either way…” he continued. “We should have enough troops to cover all of these holes while keeping our front and rear protected."

"Agreed," stated Eileen firmly. "Where is the most seismic activity reported?"

"Hmmm,” Brad said, slightly furrowing his brow. “It looks like it centers around Frictional, Nevada. It would be about a three-hour drive before we would get there."

Frictional was another town that was hit hard by the first wave of attacks. They were the nearest Resistance HQ to Frictional, with a grand total of 3 HQ spread across Phalangea. Brad, Eileen and Seth were the leaders of Synth HQ. Brian and Dan were the leaders of Nuon HQ, and Steve was leader of Tera HQ.

"Alright, everyone. I want two groups sent north, two sent east, one sent west, and we will be going south to Frictional." Seth ordered. "Report once all signs of hostile persons are eliminated. Mount up and let's move!"

With that, Seth, Eileen and Brad mounted their rocket-powered Segways and headed towards the fight at Frictional.

As Brad had predicted, they arrived there three hours later, and were horrified at the scene in front of them. The destruction was double what they were normally used to. The enemies looked almost the same, though they were slightly larger, and looked a hell of a lot more pissed off than usual.

"I thought you would come, pitiful fingers!" A voice said from atop a roof, the building itself cleaved in half. As the team looked up, their weapons drawn, they saw something even more ferocious than Moontrip, and that was saying something.

"Who are you?!" Seth demanded, teeth gritting with both fear and preparation for the upcoming battle.

The entity shone down on them with superiority. "Why, that's simple! I am Comduream, Death Piano's 2nd and finest Commander!" Comduream spouted, arrogance seeping out between his fangs as he spoke. "You thought Moontrip was a tough cookie? HAH! He was a pushover. You had better be prepared to turn wet and messy!"

Seth began battle preparations as Comduream sent his first and second waves of troops towards the group at once. He sent himself and Brad charging in, alternating blows using a Phalanx formation, while Eileen mopped up those they could not hit fast enough with her lightning-speed firing.

Brad caught the third group charging them out the corner of his eye just in time, and narrowly prevented him and his allies from getting flanked.

"HARD LEFT!" Brad shouted, a code he and Seth came up with to deal with situations like these. With rehearsed precision and finesse, Brad and Seth quickly created a whirlwind of death in front and to either side of them, forcing the charging groups to retreat slightly.

"It's a good thing we actually leveled up before trying anything like this, huh?" Brad questioned, which Seth returned with a laugh and a nod.

"Eileen, I want you to concentrate on getting Comduream off of that roof. Brad and I will force this motley crew back and keep them at bay," Seth commanded, Eileen already a few paces away before letting him finish.

"Alright, you stupid pig-dog," Eileen provoked. "Get down here and fight us fair and square!" Arrows flew past the commander's head, Comduream dodging with ease and grace.

"It will take more than arrows to defeat me, you puny little girl," Comduream sputtered. With ease, he threw massive boulders onto the fear-paralyzed Eileen. She waited for the death fast approaching her, able to do nothing aside from ponder her life up until this point.

"Meat shield at your service!" Brad shouted as he threw himself on top of Eileen. He received most of the damage, saving Eileen's life. "You really must be more careful, madam.”

Blushing, Eileen retaliated, "You just wanted an excuse to throw yourself on me, you horny pervert."

"Regroup!" Seth abruptly shouted. "Most of his underlings have either been vanquished, immobilized, or running for their lives. I say we strike now. Eileen and Brad, you stay at ground level while I attempt to climb through that cleaved building he called base on."

"Agreed," Brad and Eileen said in unison. The two of them did as Seth suggested, and rather well. Seth did his best to traverse the inside of the building, fighting his loss of balance almost as hard as he fought the sentries ordered to remain inside the building. Finally emerging from the cleavage of the building, Seth sprinted toward Comduream in hopes of catching him off-guard. A smack to the face that sent him sprawling to the ground made him immediately regret his decision to do so.

"Foolish finger, my senses are heightened with DP's power, making me near-invincible!" Comduream boomed, a devilish and crooked grin on his face. Comduream was the spitting image of a story mothers would tell their children – a story about how vanity makes someone ugly. Breath akin to that of a bog, teeth neglected and falling out, he was a rather fit example what someone would look like after taking over 9000 lashes with a jagged stick.

The hero and villain played cat and mouse, neither one of them landing a hit. With countless parries and blocks, they were both more tired than hurt. At last, Brad and Eileen managed to demoralize the rest of Comduream's forces and headed up the fissured building.

"Do you truly think that, even with your forces combined, you'll be able to defeat me!? THE SECOND COMMANDER OF DEATH PIANO DOES NOT LOSE!!!" he shrieked, and went into a berserker of rage and slightly damaged pride. Slabs of concrete were being split and demolished into rubble. The party narrowly escaped with their lives numerous times during this brawl.

With a little bit of quick thinking, Brad threw himself towards the thrashing Comduream, sliding on his heavy armor, looking to trip the rage-filled demon. With either the help of Shash or sheer luck, he managed to succeed, tripping Comduream and causing the demon to injure himself in confusion. The rest of the party was on him like white on rice and quickly ended his life, leaving him no time to give one of his evil-plot-you'll-never-succeed rants before his death. This was fortunate for them, as they frankly grew quite tired of those rants.

"Well," Brad sighed. "It looks like that's commander numero dos. At this rate, we'll have Death Piano taken care of in no time!"

Joy masking their battle-induced pain, the trio hopped on their segways and rode off into a particularly cliché sunset.

[DoctorSerpentine]

Re: Flash Flash Resistance

why are you negative in every single post you make... it's annoying

Why are you so amazingly bad at posting...it's annoying.
Seriously though, I'm going to have to take the sides of Verruckter and KgZ. It's too cheesy. Some stories can make you forget about their cheesiness because they're just so damn entertaining, but this isn't one of them; I felt bored with it.

[csoup1414]

Re: Flash Flash Resistance

I seriously love this =]

[GG_Guru]

Re: Flash Flash Resistance

Keep up the good work guys.

[iPatcH]

Re: Flash Flash Resistance

if this was any cheesier I would be sprinkling it in my chili

[-zeroSKILL-]

Re: Flash Flash Resistance

lmfao, I love it. Keep it going BISH

[Svaz]

Re: Flash Flash Resistance

[...]If you don't like the story, please explain why, like KgZ. Stuff like "fanfic" doesn't really help me improve. This is my first story, so constructive criticism is VERY helpful.[...]

Okay.

The most painful element to me is the vocabulary/dialogue. While I understand it's supposed to be funny, it feels contrived and poorly implemented overall. Some of it is possibly due to myself being utterly anal about grammar (which isn't terrible actually, but it could use some editing). The names of the factions are unpleasant to me. I realise they're intended to harken to FFR as a game in a witty fashion, (fingers, etc) but it falls short of actually doing so.

The fight scenes, especially the earlier ones, are awkward. The format they were written in was some strange fusion of narrative and RPG proceedings, using damage points and what have you. Perhaps a better way of communicating this would be to have all fights occur in front of a crowd (perhaps some formalities could be exchanged before a battle, thereby enticing passersby to observe) and have them react to the winners/losers (or simply just the protagonists) accordingly.

[qrrbrbirbel]

Re: Flash Flash Resistance

Okay.

The most painful element to me is the vocabulary/dialogue. While I understand it's supposed to be funny, it feels contrived and poorly implemented overall. Some of it is possibly due to myself being utterly anal about grammar (which isn't terrible actually, but it could use some editing). The names of the factions are unpleasant to me. I realise they're intended to harken to FFR as a game in a witty fashion, (fingers, etc) but it falls short of actually doing so.

The fight scenes, especially the earlier ones, are awkward. The format they were written in was some strange fusion of narrative and RPG proceedings, using damage points and what have you. Perhaps a better way of communicating this would be to have all fights occur in front of a crowd (perhaps some formalities could be exchanged before a battle, thereby enticing passersby to observe) and have them react to the winners/losers (or simply just the protagonists) accordingly.

Thanks, I'll try to work on these! I usually have my co-writer passivegirl proofread it before it goes into actual submission, but she wasn't available for chapter three. As to the battle system I think I'll start leaning more towards the RPG fashion and not try to focus so much on the dialogue.

[GamerShadow]

Re: Flash Flash Resistance

Unfortunately, I have to post with a bias view, seeing as I did author FFR: The Phantom Challenge. That doesn't stop me from voicing my opinion, though.

Quite frankly, I think it needs a lot of work. References are all misplaced and awkward. Some sentence rephrasing needs to be re-done. The fact that the main characters are fighting songs is kinda lame in my opinion. I understand that its supposed to be like people playing the game, but it just seems cheesy and the implementation is weak.

Spend some time thinking about how your story works. If you need some inspiration, I believe there is a short arrow fight in my story between Shash and Engler in Chapter 10. It should be somewhat similar to your story.