Am I dying? Redux!

[MalReynolds]

So today was the day of my fateful doctors appointment with Mikhail Fuks PhD. I called last week, got my insurance cleared with the office, and set an appointment for today at 11:30. I walk down the street to the office.

I enter the building, step into the elevator and go up. I say hello to the receptionist and hand over my insurance card and drivers lisence.

"This does not look like real insurance card."

"Uh... It is. You can call them. I checked on the phone, remember?"

"Hokay. Fill this out."

Filled out some forms and the doctor came out and called me back into his office.

"Chello, Michael." He's got a thick russian accent. Half of the degrees on his wall are from Russia.

"Hello, Doctor."

"Does your family have any history of cancer, etc etc."

"Diabetes on both sides."

"Alright. Are you sexually active."

"With myself, yes."

"Masturbation?"

"Yes."

"So, I don't need to check for-"

"No."

"Alright. Follow me."

I go to the examitation room, do the height/weight thing and sit down on the table. The doctor begins to take my blood pressure when the receptionist comes through the back.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, doctor, but his insurance is no good here."

"I checked!"

"So did I, and they said it was a local thing in Virginia. Are you from Virginia?"

"Yes."

There was an awkaward pause.

"Alright, well, thanks then. Bye."

"Well, Michael, from what you say, I was ready to do full blood workup, EKG and test for various diseases... But that would cost you a lot of money. I'm very sorry."

"Yeah. Me too. Bye."

My last words going out of the office were, "This sucks."


Diagnosis: NO ONE KNOWS YET GODAMMIT.

Mal