Before I bottle up again this year,

[Mindfields]

Here's your chance to get to know me better.


DrasticActions4: I need to let of some New Year's steam.
DrasticActions4: I bottle more shit up than you would ever believe.
xanderman2064: Haha.
DrasticActions4: Starting with my childhood and then building up to the point where I realized how many things went wrong in my life.
xanderman2064: Well, let 'er rip.
xanderman2064: I'm listening.
DrasticActions4: Well, the problem is I want to write all of it down.
DrasticActions4: Then post it some where in CT or GB titled "Why I'm so Fucked Up"
xanderman2064: Do it.
xanderman2064: You need it out.
DrasticActions4: Okay.
DrasticActions4: Up until I was 11 years old, I lived in one of the worst neighborhoods you could imagine.
DrasticActions4: Fort Worth has the highest gang rate, imagine living in the worst midst of it.
DrasticActions4: My parents did a good job raising me.
DrasticActions4: Well, okay, my Mom did with the company of my Dad's input.
DrasticActions4: My Mom wouldn't let me watch anything NOT on PBS up until I was about 8 or so.
DrasticActions4: I never had a Playstation, N64, or anything like that.
DrasticActions4: The biggest gaming system I had was a GameBoy Color and a computer that only play 8-bit arcade games.
DrasticActions4: Now onto my Dad.
DrasticActions4: The stoner alcoholic.
DrasticActions4: We used to only have 1 TV. We would all be in the living room and I would think he was just smoking cigarettes.
DrasticActions4: He would drink beer constantly.
DrasticActions4: Now here are the things I realized just in this past year.
DrasticActions4: I realized that everywhere he drives me, he drives drunk. That pisses me off. Alot.
DrasticActions4: He's possibly high while doing it, also.
DrasticActions4: I realized that everyone I know thinks I'm a solid stoner as well because I would probably test positive for THC in a drug test and smell like cigarette smoke.
DrasticActions4: And it never leaves my head; the fact that nobody believes that I am straight edge except the friends I have that actually do drugs.
xanderman2064: I believe you, FYI.
DrasticActions4: Yeah well I was only around you for about 5 hours or so and you have a much higher knowledge than the average 8th grader.
xanderman2064: 11th grader for that matter.
DrasticActions4: Agreed.
DrasticActions4: Now back to living in the bad neighborhood.
DrasticActions4: I was the only white guy there.
DrasticActions4: I got along with everyone on my block
DrasticActions4: But past that block I was in unknown territory.
DrasticActions4: A Boys & Girls club opened up about 2 blocks down the street.
DrasticActions4: I went there, signed up for a membership, and then didn't come back in about 5 months.
DrasticActions4: When I came back 5 months later, all the pool tables, foosball tables, computers, game systems, pretty much all the reasons I went there were trashed.
DrasticActions4: So as a kid
DrasticActions4: With no game system and a extremely crappy computer
DrasticActions4: I had not alot to do.
DrasticActions4: I got a basketball goal for Christmas one year.
DrasticActions4: Looking back, I think that was the best present I ever got.
DrasticActions4: I would ALWAYS shoot hoops.
DrasticActions4: I lived infront of an alley.
DrasticActions4: Crips went down that alley twice.
DrasticActions4: And on both days I happened to be wearing red.
DrasticActions4: Luckily for me, the only rock I got hit by wasn't all that big, but it hit me in the temple.
DrasticActions4: But I kept playing basketball outside in my backyard.
DrasticActions4: Everyday.
DrasticActions4: I've been going to the same school since Kindergarten.
DrasticActions4: Some of my friends I have known for 9 years.
DrasticActions4: But my best friends I've known for 5 or less.
DrasticActions4: All in all, I'm only friends with 2 of the people of my Kindergarten class.
DrasticActions4: I don't hang out or go out much.
DrasticActions4: Whenever I make plans with friends there's a major lack of communication.
DrasticActions4: And on the day I'm supposed to go to see a movie with Jason, I spend the night at Branford's instead.
DrasticActions4: The relation ship between my outer family, aunts, uncles, grandma, and cousins is pretty bad.
DrasticActions4: I fucking miss John and Daniel.
DrasticActions4: I met my cousin John when I was about 8 and he was about 18.
DrasticActions4: He took me to the IMAX at the muesem, and I loved it.
DrasticActions4: And I don't think I've seen him ever since.
DrasticActions4: I like Daniel more.
DrasticActions4: He's been in Fort Worth wih me my entire life.
DrasticActions4: He would get into all kinds of trouble.
DrasticActions4: Went to the slammer.
DrasticActions4: Sent me and my sister a letter. It was nice.
DrasticActions4: All I remember about it was how he could keep up with kids those days enough to know that we both were into Pokemon
DrasticActions4: My Mom says he got into drugs or alcohol. She won't go into details. She says he's in a rehabilitation center.
DrasticActions4: Which is good, I guess.
DrasticActions4: I just hope he's the same when he gets out.
DrasticActions4: My other cousin is Sarah. My Dad's side of the family is much more related than my Mom's side.
DrasticActions4: My Grandma is 90 and still up and around.
DrasticActions4: She finally got her license revoked last year because she wouldn't stop crashing into the Beauty Parlor wall with her Volvo.
DrasticActions4: The ear doctor said that since she lost weight, her hearing aids don't fit anymore.
DrasticActions4: So spending time with her is very annoying.
DrasticActions4: She decides to go out to eat alot. She threw away her dentures, being old and all.
DrasticActions4: So we just have to sit there waiting for her to finish her food.
DrasticActions4: It's a really bad thing to say this, but she needs to hurry up and die. This year she gave me, Rachel, Sarah, and John $500 each.
DrasticActions4: I don't know what her deathbed would be like if she keeps living like that for 5 years or so.
DrasticActions4: So the way I see it, dying would be a good thing. None of our family disagrees with her because we feel horrible about it.
DrasticActions4: Sarah's my closest cousin.
DrasticActions4: She's always been artistic in that hippy kind of way.
DrasticActions4: I haven't thought of her the same nor have really loved her ever since she asked me if I tried marijuana before
DrasticActions4: This last year, I turned 14.
DrasticActions4: My Mom banned me from playing GunZ because you shoot people.
DrasticActions4: She says it leaves a bad impression at this age.
DrasticActions4: 14.
DrasticActions4: She has to be kidding me.
DrasticActions4: I think myself as perfectly sane in every sense, but I guess no one can handle how I act.
DrasticActions4: This is where my Dad kicks in.
DrasticActions4: I blame him for my public awkwardness.
DrasticActions4: I'm monotonous and slur my words.
DrasticActions4: Whenever I'm asked how I'm doing, I always mumble because in my upbringing it was inpolite to say "Shitty, and you?"
DrasticActions4: All my teacher's think I'm a shining beacon of hope.
DrasticActions4: That's why I was put in Algebra 1 instead of regular Honors Math.
DrasticActions4: The only subject I got an A in this semester was PreAP Social Studies, the one class that I actually deserve to be in.
DrasticActions4: I got a 97.5 average in it, while in every other class I got below an 85.
DrasticActions4: That's about all I have.
DrasticActions4: Thank you for listening.
xanderman2064: Wow.
xanderman2064: I'm seriously depressed now.

Just thought I needed to show you what all I've been through so far, incase you were wondering about me.