Relationships.

[180digi]

Today has been just a really strange and odd day. Not very bad in anyway, but just..strange. My friend is going out with an 8th grader, and its really gotten me thinking about things.

Backstory: It's not as strange as it sounds. My school district is so utterly tiny that the middle school and the high school are in the same building. My friend and I are both freshmen, and 14. The girl he's going with is 13.

Anyway, Im getting to thinking that i'm supposed to be getting a girlfriend too pretty soon. But Im conflicted because im still not over the last one, which wasnt really a one, but it would have been, if the one hadnt moved away over the summer. So lately(lately being the last month about), ive been feeling almost as if im falling for someone who was one of her friends. I dont feel as if i can talk about it with anyone, which is why i feel weird telling my insecurities to an internet forum of people ive never met and probably never will meet..im sure a good percentage of the responces to this post will be flames.

But i think about this these things, which in turn leads me to think about my friend from a county over. His name is Matt. I'm stunned at how he can throw people away. He once dumped a girl who he said was putting out simply because she was going to a summer camp and he wouldnt be seeing her for a 6 weeks or so. But you know, thats probably because hes from a really big school. In a school with 2000-3000+ people, youre probably never going to see the person youve dumped again. Skikamukazi's post about fighting made me realize this. My school, EVEN when you add the middle school kids, only comes out to about 400-500 people. That's tiny. Everyone knows everyone else, so you cant just hook up with someone without everyone knowing about it, becoming a huge deal. I was talking to my friend (the one in my school, going out with the 8th grader) and the girl he's going with over AIM, and they are stunned at how everyone on the eastern seaboard (I live in New Jersey) already know that they're going together. The same went for myself and the girl who i once liked but moved away. She lives in Texas now.

Earlier today, she posted pictures of her new boyfriend on her myspace. I saw them and i cant help but imagine her in a huge school with 3000+ people and it just makes me...ugghh. Its so hard to put into words, but were like..expected to have boyfriends and girlfriends already..and i just dont know if i can. Matt says he wants to hook me up with his girlfriend's friend that he knows, and i know it'll be pointless. I dont feel good writing this, i have quizzes and things at school tomorrow, its 11:15 right now, i still have homework to complete, and im probably not going to get much sleep.

I just can't help but think, why bother???