ADD, Depression, Reclusion, and me.

[deltro300111]

If you've ever had the pleasure (right) of speaking with me on AIM, for the most part I am a happy person.

I'm not, I don't know why. I don't know why I put on an act for everyone, and no one, including myself, can take me seriously, I'm not stupid, and I don't try to act it, I just think it is a really bad combination of psychological disorders that have managed to hit me at a great time (Yay, high school) So,... yea, I guess the basic premise of this topic isn't a pity party, but more of an open call for help, I know none of you are psychiatrists, but I'm sure some of you suck at life slightly less then I, and anything will help, so here goes.

7th Grade- About halfway through the year a new student comes to our school, I approach him, talk to him for a bit, and eventually work up to ask him what grade he is in, he is a bit shorter then me, and most of the people at our school in 8th grade were noticably taller then me at the time. He said he was in 8th grade- at the time, it was during P.E, and the coach had us jogging around the school- I couldn't help but snicker, I asked if he was serious, and I went about a week not beliving him. Yes, he turned out to be in 8th grade.

Well, for a new kid, he'd managed to make quite a few friends (with people that already hated me for whatever reason) in quite a short amount of time. I moved to that city that year, and I had no friends, I'd actually managed to make a few enemies. So, school went on for a while, and then one morning in the cafeteria (they herded us in there in the morning for storage) he and his group of friends came over to me, and the group of people I loosely associated with. They began to mess with us, and I was instantly hurled out of the group. all but 1 person had turned on me. We had a small verbal exchange (insult war) and well, obviously we'd insulted their elite 8th grade knowledge of everything, and they decided to challenge us to a fight.

A few weeks later, the day of the fight, I'd found out that they'd been arrested for having weapons at school, of them: Screwdrivers, chains, knives- and other assorted 'goods'. I couldn't help but brag, I was tickled by the whole situation. I was in denial, not only was I scared, but It'd finally hit me, people actually hated me, I was used to the mild 6th grade hatred, you smelled bad one day so some girl doesn't like you, or you farted in class, and people made fun of you for a while, not this though, people actually bringing weapons to school,... to kill .... me??

Fast foward to next school year, beyond the fact that I am stuck in the lowest band for ANOTHER year, and I was stuck with stupid people , my life was pretty good. I was pretty shaken up from my favorite Unreal Tournament server facing what seemed like what would wind up being the end of it's life. I'd gained a reputation in 7th grade, that sticks with me until now, 7th grade was possibly the most stressful period of my life, ever. I didn't have any nerve calming things to do, the first people I'd met when I moved in were stoners, their parents were fighting, and I was learning about,.. well... personal 'anatomy' if you understand what I am getting at.

And now it is 9th grade, I've gained the respect of some of the people who hated me in middle school, but still, most of my "friendships" are evetremely tentative, one wrong move and I am hated for a week. I know I've got ADD, my mom is a doctor, and she doesn't seem too willing to do anything about it, even though it would take little effort to get me in for an appointment with an of the people that test you for that, not only can I not focus on things I am actually extremely interested in, such as C or C++ programming but I can't concentrate on it even when I want to, it is NOT AT ALL easy to focus on things you couldn't care less about, I know school is important, I know I could, and should be excelling in, but I can't, and just the way I am won't allow me to do so.

I know I am depressed, as I find myself often changing moods intensely, and yelling at people, this also gets me in to trouble with my friends, and even worse with my parents.

No one takes me seriously, ever, I can't concentrate, and I have no real way of circumventing my anger, even typing this I am fading in and out of lucidity, not from being tired- just unable to pay attention. I should probably end this before it becomes completely unintelligible.

Please, give me whatever advice you have, and keep the flaming to a minimum.