Forgetting about Love.

[zhul4nder]

How do I forget about Love? I want my obsession for this one boy to stop. Things aren't working out...he doesn't like me, his friends don't like me, and he as a 'douche' reputation. I keep coming back for his cute smile, his occasionally crudely humorous jokes, and his musicianship. I stare rejection straight in the face but I don't know how to come to grips that he doesn't want a friend that thinks he's sexy.

I constantly get the urges to talk with him, tell him how I feel and how it feels impossible to forget about those qualities about him. Maybe that would be too extreme, but I feel that it's only after I talk with him about these things that it will make things right again.

But I'm horribly afraid about the bullying. The last time I tried this, he started to bully me and made fun of me for liking him. I assumed that it was an attempt to dislodge my obsession for him but to no avail, I still fell back into love's grip.

Though the bullying has stopped, every time I look at him or he looks at me, my heart aches. To me, the world dims slightly and it just feels like a fruitless future. The moments that could have happened, the intimate relationship could have had, the laughs that we could have laughed together...Those thoughts in conjunction with the thought that those moments would never happen I believe is the source of this obsession.

I want to forget about love. I want to live my life before it becomes too dark to see anything. How, how do I forget about him? How do I confront my fears about talking with him? How do I deal with his hatred toward me? How will I deal with the hatred I will have for him once this ordeal is over?

yea, I realize that he isn't worth it. Faking not liking him...I think that would make me think about him even more. And when I do break, I'll be considered a liar. I want to be real with my emotions. The problem is that I'm too afraid of getting hurt again...so afraid that I refuse to try to get to know the person more...the only way that I'll be able to focus on his negatives. I'll need to find a strategy on how to approach him without me feeling like I'm jumping off a cliff. Usually, what happens when I do try, my brain freezes and my mouth stops working. Then my body wants to run away as fast as possible.

One more thing to clarify...

I am a guy. Yes, I like men.