Constructive Criticism Please :D

[crumheart32605]

Both of these were longer but I was unsure of some of the parts so I cut them. I'm sure I'll get flamed but I was looking for some constructive criticism on how I could make my writing better. I'm really not too happy with the way everything I write has been coming out lately. Hopefully someone will comment

Enraptured in her macabre beauty,
Waxen flesh resonated a fragrant necrosis
Through the glacial midnight air his words touched her ears…
“Hecate, you live in my dreams.”
“I’ve relived this phantasm seven-thousand times
In dreaming, I dance to your sweet voice of amaranthine
Each eventide nears a kiss from your gilded lips
And in each nightmare I’m guided by your nectarous scent
Yet each sunrise, brilliance floods my resting eye…
And I wake without you there.”



&



"Apocrypha"
The waxing moon refracted in their eyes
But the afterglow of lust lit up the untouched midnight sky
Unclean fingertips entwined,
While sin rests on their lips
When he closes his eyes she begs for forgiveness
& tonight delivers an unholy sacrifice,
A whore kneeled before the cross
Carnal hands that have lined every sin in this city
Are pleading to return home