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#1 |
FFR Veteran
![]() Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Canada
Age: 31
Posts: 320
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![]() this is just something i made up, tell me if its good or not please.
with the blink of an eye, with the beat of a heart, things can all end, as quick as they start. she had to leave, when i was so young, that day was so feared, why my mom. life goes on, and so should I, it's something to do, it's something to try. to see her in there, just made me so sad, but it was all easier, because i had my dad. |
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#2 |
FFR Player
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: lost, but not hopeless
Age: 32
Posts: 95
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![]() some of the lines are definitely well thought out, and the topic of the poem is definitely poetry-worthy ^^ nice job -- you should probably keep this up
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#3 |
FFR Player
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![]() Pretty good; lines are simple but effective, rhyme scheme isn't forced at all. The rhythm could use some fixing though, it's rather inconsistant.
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Last edited by Tokzic: Today at 11:59 PM. Reason: wait what |
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#4 |
FFR Veteran
![]() Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Canada
Age: 31
Posts: 320
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![]() thanks for the good comments....lol and if someone can guess the topic, like the exact reason i will give u 150 credits
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#5 |
V's beta-male entourage
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![]() There's no real flow or feeling to it - it sounds like you were just having a ****ty day and wrote some things down that rhymed.
Give up poetry |
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#6 |
FFR Player
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Ironforge
Posts: 130
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#7 |
V's beta-male entourage
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![]() eat a dick ******
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#8 |
FFR Veteran
![]() Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Canada
Age: 31
Posts: 320
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![]() nope your wrong, its not that my mom left me, close but not exactly it... and why critisize me i no im not the best but jeeze
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#9 |
V's beta-male entourage
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![]() You ASKED if it was good. You left the topic open to say that you sucked, but were hoping that everyone would be like "Oh my, I can just feel his inner agony and the darkness of his soul"
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#10 |
FFR Player
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![]() snowcrafta, wow u must have low self esteem if u need to rip on ppl online, i hope u die tonight when u slit ur wrists
but anyway, very nice poem, i liked it, keep it up |
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#11 | |
Nothing can stop me now..
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![]() Quote:
Just answer the damn question and don't be a dick about it, there's no need to try to get everyone in a thread to flame you for being an asshole to someone asking for advice. And for the poem, did your mother go to jail? I thought the poem was alright, but it needed a bit more flow to it. But I do agree, none of it seemed forced, which is essential in poetry. |
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#12 | |
V's beta-male entourage
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![]() Quote:
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#13 |
FFR Veteran
![]() Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Canada
Age: 31
Posts: 320
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![]() nooo...i just put it up here cuz some ppl in my school thought it was good, so chill with the nasty comments like common your dissing a 14 year old
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#14 |
V's beta-male entourage
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![]() No, I'm teaching you a god damn lesson: Just because your friends think it's cool doesn't mean there's people out there that think you're a complete ****** for thinking it was.
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#15 |
V's beta-male entourage
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![]() ya i have low self esteem brb taking ur advice LMFAO NOT GO EAT A DICK EMO KID
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#16 |
is against custom titles
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![]() gattsta: poems go in the Lit forum. Read the forum index.
Also, read this announcement. --Guido http://andy.mikee385.com |
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#17 |
FFR Player
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![]() Wow Snowcrafta, whats with dissing on people? I mean it's a good poem and some people let out their emotions with it. No reason to call him a ****** or something for that. Hope you realize bashing on a 14 year old is pointless, and if you do the same to me for backing him up, it still is pointless.
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And the pea mocks me. AAA's to date- 2 ![]() Newest- Excite Bike |
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#18 |
FFR Veteran
![]() ![]() Join Date: Sep 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 599
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![]() So, uh...
Am I late for the bashing? I'm going to be honest, this poem was way blunt. Poetry is supposed to be flowing and nice and stuff, you were like... "Why my mom?" "But I had my dad." Why not throw in a, "So it was all good"? Last edited by ShastaTwist; 09-9-2007 at 02:23 PM.. |
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#19 |
FFR Player
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Ironforge
Posts: 130
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#20 |
FFR Veteran
![]() ![]() Join Date: Sep 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 599
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