Liberals and Sob Stories: Intro

[PMS-purplepopcorn]

I just decided to write something. The beginning is ADDrific, then the story. I read through it and the acutal thing flows pretty well. It's just the introduction for now.


(begin program “liberal exaggerations”)

Terry ran through the woods with utmost delight. His hair bobbing up and down with each step, and his tie-dye shirt flapping in the wind, he shouted a cry of relief. This was the day that would end all days of misery, the last day of school. He would be free of all name-calling and harassment, the words “fag!” and “gaywad!” no longer being shouted in his wake. His 15-year old self was ready for a summer of male bonding.

Until suddenly, a giant boulder fell from the sky and squished him to death.

On the stone were the words: “This boulder was brought to you by the Texan corporation of Kill All Fags Inc.”


It was strange that at that very moment, George W. Bush was entering the White House conference room, being greeted by his fellow Americans, and fellow Republicans. He was going to give a speech that would explain a new bill being written by congress, one that many people would never expect coming. As he was about to open his mouth to millions of Americans, describing a bill that would socialize all medical aid, a boulder fell from the sky and squished him to death.
On the stone were the words: “This boulder was brought to you by the Middle-Eastern clan of Kill all Americans Inc.”

(end program “liberal exaggerations”)

(begin program “actual story”)

Unbelievably at this exact moment, a Stanford Undergrad by the name of Malcom West was walking to his apartment, carrying an enormous weight. He was only holding two textbooks in his pack, but the looming deadline of his rent payment (due in 4 days) was nearly crushing him. He was $300 short of the minimum payment. It was unfortunate that his roommate was pronounced missing 2 months ago, meaning his belongings would stay till he was confirmed in state of living or otherwise. It was unfortunate that Malcom’s parents were on a vacation in Tahiti while he studied, meaning that contacting them was out of the question. It was unfortunate that the restaurant he worked at was currently under inspection for cockroaches. It was unfortunate that his girlfriend’s 20th birthday was the day before the rent was due. Life pretty much sucked as of now.

As the blocks faded into each other, separated by lines of cars barely moving, Malcom's thoughts drifted towards those he once knew. "My friends all knew I would get into a good college. They prodded and joked, 'there's Mr. Suit himself ready to change the world!' They thought I'd be livin easy with a home to myself and no parents to make the rules. They thought I'd have no trouble passing all of my classes and graduating. Now I'm scrambling to pass and praying for a miracle to not get thrown into the streets. They're the ones living easy, not having to pay rent or buy food. They're parents are like their own servants. Christ, how am I going to get through this!" He went from thinking his thoughts to shouting out loud. This being New York, barely anyone payed attention, only getting a few akward glances. One of those who did notice, began a few yards behind him, fading into the crowd. Malcom was walking to his apartment, wanting to log a few more hours studying for his Advanced Theorem (sp?) Mathematics class. The woman followed cautiously, making sure to stay in pace without disturbing the "current" around her. Unawhere of his stalker, he entered the door to his apartment and began walking up the 8 flights of steps to his home. In his plight of self-pity, he dropped quite an important piece of plastic; his Stanford ID Keycard.

As soon as the mystery woman heard him close the door 8 stories up, she began the ascent, only to find something much to her intrest...

I preread most of it, but i really g2g sleep. Corrections n additions in the morning k?

PS Fojar I know it should be Malcolm, I know advance theorem mathematics isn't a class, and I will extend the stalking street crowd walking part.

[esupin]

I'm confused about the woman. How long was she following Malcolm for? Don't call her the "mystery" woman, either.

I didn't understand these sentences:

One of those who did notice, began a few yards behind him, fading into the crowd.

The woman followed cautiously, making sure to stay in pace without disturbing the "current" around her.

Plight of self pity... not sure that's used correctly:

In his plight of self-pity, he dropped quite an important piece of plastic; his Stanford ID Keycard.

Don't know where this is going with the weird Bush TV show thing, but I have faith you will be able to explain that.

[FoJaR]

like esupin said, lay off the plight of self pity, and the part at the end is kind of meh(stupid sounding), but other than that it's okay, or it was until the "stalker" thing. if this turns weird in any way it's in the garbage can.

stay away from nameless roles. if you want more detail, send me a PM.

i'd be willing to read more.