I am going to fail english

[super-smashman]

Re: I am going to fail english

I need something more specific to tie the last two paragraphs together.

[DarkManticoreX2]

Re: I am going to fail english

how about this?

This can be seen on a large scale with concepts such as government or scientific advancements that benefit mankind. Jack was able to take the information from another and use it to improve his hunting skills and, therefore, the group's chances of survival.

Its basically the last two sentences of the fourth paragraph switched. But it ties in better to the conclusion

[MonkeyFoo]

Re: I am going to fail english

Here are the corrections I'd make to the essay, and I'm not checking to see if squeek changed any of these. If I'm not too late:

- "cure-all" >> I would change it to "panacea" in the first paragraph just because teachers like big words.

- underline book titles.

- take the commas off of "by william golding"; while I am a fan of superfluous commas, these just don't belong.

- "Well, there it is." >> just take it out. It serves no purpose, plus it has a bunch of problems with mechanics and form in the context of an essay.

- "At some point in most people's lives, we ponder..." >> should be "most or our lives" to agree with the "we ponder". Or, you could change it to they ponder, but that's less compelling. The only thing to watch out for when you choose between those two is that technically, we is first person, so you may want to avoid that if your teacher cares about it.

- "It is an innate system that helps people survive immediate and dangerous situations." >> you need to say what "it" refers to. I assume you refer to human nature, but I think that technically, grammatically, "it" would end up referring to "the unknown", which you don't mean.

- "behaviour" >> if you're British, this is ok. I guess I'll assume you are.

- "one self’s" >> "One's own". Also, oneself is one word, though I wouldn't use it here.

- Paragraph four: you've got some interesting issues with quotation marks. I see squeek fixed them, though if indeed you are supposed to be doing it in the British fashion then nesting quotes is different, though I'm not sure how exactly. Just get it right.

- "They gained the ability to leave knowledge and experience behind" >> I'd add something like "for posterity" because otherwise the meaning of the sentence becomes ambiguous, they could leave knowledge and experience like you might leave your fears behind.

- "Continuing and evolving mentally..." >> "continuing to evolve mentally"

- Your last word: You don't capitalize after a colon in the context of an essay. So, either make it lowercase or put it in quotes. I think the quotes option is more favorable, and I also think that it doesn't matter much for most english teachers.

And if you can, concentrate more on your thesis and transitions. I know that for most people they are hard, and in fact only four out of the twenty-three kids in my english class used them in our giant, twelve-page paper that makes up a huge chunk of our grade for the term, and I can definitely say that good transitions make a good essay. You may find that after you've written your paper, you want to rework your thesis to fit what your body paragraphs prove more snugly. This will make your essay more coherent. As a final note about theses, my teachers have always felt that you should spend a lot of time on your thesis and make it one big, long sentence. Also, be sure to have a controlling statement to show where you'll go from your introductory paragraph. Hell, I'll rewrite your intro paragraph how I would make it:

At some point in each of our lives, we ponder the future of humanity and whether there is something we must all do to ensure our continued existence as a species, some sort of panacea for our greatest problems, such as global warming, nuclear war and pandemic disease. In his prolific novel The Lord of the Flies, William Golding uses his characters to effectively demonstrate that education can cure humanity’s flaws. Using the boys in the novel to represent the ignorance of the human race, he proves that being educated controls fear, suppresses greed and drives the human race forward in evolution.

I'm certain a lot has been left out, but these are my changes. I need to get some sleep, good luck.

[super-smashman]

Re: I am going to fail english

I LOVE how you changed the last part of the intro!

And I'm Canadian, so that's spelled correctly.


Ok, ESSAY 2.0 COMIN UP HURR



At some point in any person’s life, one will begin to ponder about the future of humanity and if there is something we need to do to ensure our continual existence as a species; some kind of cure-all for our greatest problems: gobal warming, nuclear war or pandemic diseases. According to one such individual, there is. The novel “Lord of the Flies”, by William Golding, indirectly demonstrates that education can cure humanity’s flaws. Using the boys in the novel to represent the ignorance of the human race, he proves that being educated controls fear, suppresses greed and drives the human race forward in evolution.

It is human nature to be afraid of the unknown. It is an innate system that helps people survive immediate and dangerous situations. However, it is this mechanism that often compels them to act in a way that harms others or that harms them in the future. This is precisely the reason why people need to be educated; to overcome their fears when they are malevolent. The story shows this when the boys are all at a meeting where they are discussing the possibility of a beast existing. Maurice interrupts by saying that the beast might come from the sea. “Daddy said they haven’t found all the animals in the sea yet… My daddy says there’s things, [squids] that are hundred of yards long and eat whales whole” (Golding, 96). Had the boys known more, they would understand that a squid could never eat a whale whole and that even if there were squids, they would pose no threat to those on land. Yet, because of their ignorance, they are now concerned about a giant, whale-eating squid attacking them. Piggy is allowed to speak at the same gathering. He begins: “Grown-ups know things …They ain’t afraid of the dark. They’d meet and have tea and discuss. Then things ‘ud be all right” (Golding, 103). Piggy was able to identify their need for education. He is aware that their ignorance about many things will cause the group problems and that gathering their collective knowledge will be crucial in order to survive. In reality, people often react irrationally or selfishly to combat their fears.

It is human nature to think of one’s own well-being. It is just as necessary for survival as fear. Humans naturally prioritize themselves but it’s when they benefit themselves at the expense of another, this is considered greed and is a direct imposition on the rights of others. To be educated would indicate an understanding of this concept. Knowing that selfish actions hurt others makes a person less likely to perform them. Jack is the primary exhibitor of greed in this case. Ralph is heading back to Castle Rock at night to speak with Sam and Eric who are guarding the area. They tell him that he should not be near there, as Jack and the rest of the hunters are searching for him. “’But I’ve done nothing,’ whispered Ralph, urgently. ‘I only wanted to keep up a fire!’” (Golding, 208). Ralph demonstrates his knowledge by saying he needed to keep a signal fire lit. This altruism is in perfect contrast with Jack’s greed. Ralph knows that to get rescued he would have to act selflessly in situations such as keeping the fire lit. He could choose to join the other boys in play and games but he decides not to because he wants him and the other boys to return to civilization. He then proceeds to act selflessly and tries to keep their signal fire burning, even at his own expense of time and effort. Immediately after the last cited event, Ralph asks: “’Sam – I’m going to be all right, aren’t I?’ The twins were silent again. ‘Here!’ said Sam suddenly. ‘Take this –‘ Ralph felt a chunk of meat pushed against him and grabbed it.” (Golding, 209). Sam and Eric are both aware of Jack’s motives in hunting Ralph and risk their own allegiance by giving the “enemy” their food. They do not challenge Jack, however, because they know how determined Jack is to keep his power and they fear for their safety. This behaviour has been seen many times in oppressive and totalitarian governments in history. Jack and his hunters are attempting to push a boulder down onto where Ralph is hiding in the hopes of crushing him. “’Heave! Heave! Heave!’ […] The rock bounded on, thumping and smashing towards the beach, while a slower while a shower of broken twigs and leaves fell on him. Beyond the thicket, the tribe was cheering” (Golding, 213). By this point in the novel, the boys have absolutely no legitimate reason to kill Ralph. They would have been better off leaving Ralph alone to try and get rescued, as this would inevitably mean their rescue. However, Jack does not want to be rescued. He is content staying on an island in complete social control of a group of children and, because of his greed, will stop anyone who tries to change this. It is this type of behaviour that prevents humans from reaching their maximum potential.

Humans are evolving faster than any other species ever because of a simple system we developed. Normally a species inherits slight alterations from previous generations because of genetics and nature. When humans developed language, they began to evolve at an unprecedented rate. They gained the ability to leave knowledge and experience behind, whereas before, they were at the mercy of their DNA. It is education that drives this accelerated evolution and without it, the race would evolve no faster than pond scum. This concept of education and its necessity is adapted in the book as well when Ralph is attempting to build shelters on the beach. To Jack, he begins to speak. “’Been working for days now. And look!’ Two shelters were in position, but shaky. This one was a ruin” (Golding, 54). Ralph does not know how to properly build shelters out of the materials he has at his disposal. Had he known how, they would have lived more comfortably and safer inside huts. Jack and Ralph are conversing after the failed attempt by Jack to kill a wild pig. “’I was choosing a place,’ said Jack. ‘I was just waiting for a moment to decide where to stab him.’ ‘You should stick a pig,’ said Ralph fiercely. ‘They always talk about sticking a pig.’ ‘You cut a pig’s throat to let the blood out,’ said Jack, ‘otherwise you can’t eat the meat’” (Golding, 33). Jack was ignorant about how to properly hunt which lead to his fallacy. The open exchange of knowledge between the boys teaches them, almost instantly, how to hunt better. It’s this rapid evolution that is necessary to maintain the dominance of humans in the world. The boys are celebrating after their first successful kill during a hunt. “’We hit the pig – ‘ ‘ – I fell on top – ‘ ‘I cut the pig’s throat,’ said Jack, proudly” (Golding, 75). The success of the second attempt at hunting is a direct result of the sharing of information that took place beforehand. Jack was able to take the information from another and use it to improve his hunting skills and, therefore, his chances of survival; not only his chances but the chances of the other boys as well. This can be seen on a greater scale with concepts such as democracy or scientific advancements that can benefit mankind.

The knowledge and information people pass on to others promotes the progress of the species. The more a person understands others, the more likely they are to work towards the betterment of others. The more people are familiar with the world they live in, the less they will fear it. These flaws can be eliminated simply by being educated. Continuing and evolving mentally as a species is the only way humans or any other species can ever hope to understand the most important questions. Is there a purpose to life? If so, what is that purpose? Can we ever accomplish it? The key to finding these answers has always been to be educated, evolve and to never stop searching for the answer to the question: “Why?”



I'll wait maybe another hour if anyone has anything to add before i put this **** together.

PS: I'm really ****ing tired rofl.

[talisman]

Re: I am going to fail english

better hope your teacher doesn't google for your essay rofl.

also squeek, you should read lord of the flies. Fun stuff.

[Squeek]

Re: I am going to fail english

better hope your teacher doesn't google for your essay rofl.

also squeek, you should read lord of the flies. Fun stuff.

1) Teachers encourage peer reviews. He just chose a more suitable audience than his classmates.

2) I heard it sucked. Besides, I have a book list already and I only read while at work because I have nothing else to do. 4 books in queue and it takes about 12 free hours to read each.

~Squeek

[super-smashman]

Re: I am going to fail english

This is no more plagarism than asking a friend to look it over for you.

Oh yeah, I never read the book. We talked about it so much in class that i got the whole story down pat.

[Porkbutts]

Re: I am going to fail english

props to whoever read that =)

[super-smashman]

Re: I am going to fail english

Are you implying that it is bad, sir?

[Squeek]

Re: I am going to fail english

His deleted message had a revised version of your story. You can't see that he deleted his original message, but I can. And I can read it.

~Squeek

[Kilgamayan]

Re: I am going to fail english

Boggles my mind how people fail English.

"An 'F' in English? Bobby, you speak English!"

[super-smashman]

Re: I am going to fail english

Yeah... I rarely hand things in.

And we have like a 5:1 project to test ratio.

Anyways, it's been handed in. Thanks again to those who helped.

[MonkeyFoo]

Re: I am going to fail english

Here's hoping for a good grade. Glad I could help.

[edit] I hope this bumps it... get your grades back yet?

[super-smashman]

Re: I am going to fail english

Yeah, I still haven't gotten it back so I have no idea how I did bu I asked and she said she would get it to me monday.