Know my story please

[Rapta]

Re: Know my story please

I don't want to live right now

I don't know how to feel
I don't want to keep going through this

[MarcusHawkins]

Re: Know my story please

You're not alone Rapta, Choof has been experiencing the same thoughts.
We all support you and we all got your back.
You are placed #8 in the FFR Rank which is a single digit.
Only 9 people can ever get a single digit rank, and you're one of them!
That's saying something right there, you have reached a god level that only very few have reached!

[Rapta]

Re: Know my story please

If I'm feeling alone and that I have nobody to go to for help and depressed, can I just die?

[Rapta]

Re: Know my story please

It's pretty pathetic I'm posting this in a finger game forum

[Funnygurl555]

Re: Know my story please

well, no

raptor do you wanna chat with anyone or anything?
or have you?
you really should

[IwasAsquidOnce]

Re: Know my story please

Rapta! This may be a goofy tap tap game but we're just as real of people as anyone else! Dont be ashamed of posting this in a forum it's more than most people could do!

I'm also here to talk to on here or skype or w/e anytime rapta! <3 you

[Razor]

Re: Know my story please

As someone who's received SSI for a couple of years for this kind of thing, I can tell you right now that the Social Security Administration could not give a single fuck if you are/were enrolled/going to school or not.

On another note, you probably don't know me, but I'd be more than glad to talk with you and help out in anyway I can. Good luck with things! You'll make it.

[botchi246]

Re: Know my story please

Hey buddy, stay strong! You are a good dude, and I think you should come to our next florida meet-up and meet some cool down to earth ffr playas. We will go play laser tag and mini golf and go karting! Doesn't that sound like fun?!! Looking forward to meeting you

[Buta-san]

Re: Know my story please

icy, turns all his depression into arrow data for the players to step on for him <3
no wonder theres so many arrows

[Rapta]

Re: Know my story please

I wanted to try to Skype with someone because I had an awful nightmare which really upset me and I go back to school tomorrow but can't sleep but I can't access Skype again and I'm really frustrated and feeling down. I told myself the next time I felt depressed I would try skyping someone but nobody is probably awake right now anyway..
Even though the nightmare was fictional, it reminded me of my depression..
It feels wrong but I am going to share what the nightmare was. I was at my brother's house and nobody was paying attention to my existence. In the beginning I was listening to their conversations but then I couldn't hear anymore, everyone's voices were faded. Then in another nightmare of the same sleep, I slipped and spilled something and my parents told me to go get the mop (I've never used a mop before). I couldn't find it in the closet and I was insulted by my parents because it was apparently on plain sight. My mother said she was going to get it herself and do it herself and my father started arguing saying I needed to do it and then they both turned to me and asked why I stopped and I told them I was listening to their argument and my father said I was worthless at it anyway so I yelled "fine you do it!!" and ran out of the room. I heard my mother yell my name and it was so loud it woke me up and scared me. She didn't actually call me, she is still asleep. Now I sit here feeling depressed and I don't know what to do about it.

[Deadlyx39]

Re: Know my story please

I wanted to try to Skype with someone because I had an awful nightmare which really upset me and I go back to school tomorrow but can't sleep but I can't access Skype again and I'm really frustrated and feeling down. I told myself the next time I felt depressed I would try skyping someone but nobody is probably awake right now anyway..
Even though the nightmare was fictional, it reminded me of my depression..
It feels wrong but I am going to share what the nightmare was. I was at my brother's house and nobody was paying attention to my existence. In the beginning I was listening to their conversations but then I couldn't hear anymore, everyone's voices were faded. Then in another nightmare of the same sleep, I slipped and spilled something and my parents told me to go get the mop (I've never used a mop before). I couldn't find it in the closet and I was insulted by my parents because it was apparently on plain sight. My mother said she was going to get it herself and do it herself and my father started arguing saying I needed to do it and then they both turned to me and asked why I stopped and I told them I was listening to their argument and my father said I was worthless at it anyway so I yelled "fine you do it!!" and ran out of the room. I heard my mother yell my name and it was so loud it woke me up and scared me. She didn't actually call me, she is still asleep. Now I sit here feeling depressed and I don't know what to do about it.

Didn't sleep either lol.

If you wanna talk or hop on BO2 later today we can.

[Rapta]

Re: Know my story please

My dog has advanced stages of kidney failure and my father is very sick and refuses to see a doctor. I am very depressed. I have had nightmares which my social anxiety showed itself, which have really upset me, four nightmares in a row. I have to wait a full week before I can talk to my psychologist. I am having trouble focusing on anything other than being depressed or pessimistic thoughts. I cried about seven times today. They say the harder the hardship the better you become after you deal with it but it's been two years now and I am worse.

[Technoid]

Re: Know my story please

I'm the guy that randomly commented on your profile a month ago. I just ran into this looking up Stepmania stuff, and it felt like a bit more than mere coincidence, so I kept on reading. I saw that you hadn't said anything in a while is why I commented, I wasn't sure if you wanted me to bring it up or not. I wasn't sure what to say, since I'm afraid of not helping (or worse). I've been thinking about it, and I decided to at least say something, so here I am.

Now, nothing all that "bad" has really happened to me, only things within me. I had OCD for a while, but that's gone now. I had a habit of worrying, and defaulting to depressing thoughts, and I've talked to numerous people with trouble like you, so hopefully what I've learned from that will help.

My OCD pretty much stopped when I got interested in Vocaloid, because it was something positive to concentrate on. I still had my habit of worrying and going into depressing thoughts, but then I realized that was stupid, because there's nothing to be depressed about, so I started fighting the depressing thoughts away. Eventually I got fed up and pretty much decided that it was MY mind, MY thoughts, and if there's one thing I can do, I can control my own mind, and I just kind of turned it off. It wasn't that easy, sometimes I still start thinking depressing thoughts, but I just immediately start thinking about positive things - Vocaloid - and the depressing stuff goes away.

I found Vocaloid about a year ago, and it literally changed my life. It may sound silly, but hear me out.
I kind of got a feel for each Vocaloid's personality, and tried to imagine what they would be like. I personally don't like imagining them being perfect, because that's not real. Just the amazing people I always wanted around me, but never had. And then I try to be like that.
There's some really deep inspirational stuff in some of the songs they sing, too. I'll put some links at the bottom of this post.
I was interested in animation before I got into Vocaloid, but it, plus Monty Oum and his anime series RWBY, which also led to my interest in anime, really kicked it off.
It also got me interested in dancing. Monty got me into Stepmania.
Which all helps.

I don't know about your beliefs (if any), but even if you think it's stupid, just grab a bible and read through the New Testament. I don't care if you read for five minutes a day or a whole hour, just read. Keep an open mind, and maybe, even if only a little, it will help. Just knowing that there's something huge out there, and knowing your problems are very small compared to the whole universe, helps me a whole lot. Not to mention that God and Jesus are there to help you too.

Fill your mind with good. Be it God, a game, whatever. Find a hobby and concentrate all your energy on it (in a healthy way). If not good, just neutral, constant thoughts about what you're doing at the moment. "I'm going to tie my shoes now" may sound stupid, but it'll keep the bad away. And if it's not bad, it's good. Think about that hobby, plan how you're going to do it in your head. Like you're talking to yourself.

If you find you're slipping into depressing thoughts, just immediately start thinking about good things. I don't care if it's how much you love your dear friend/cat/plushie, or how the sunshine is pretty, or what. Just anything positive. Concentrate on it so much you can't think about anything else for a second, if you need to.

Realize that problems don't matter, in the big scheme of things. Most of the great minds of this world dropped out of school. If your house burns down and everyone survives, but you lose everything, just that everyone's okay is all that matters. You can buy more stuff, and find somewhere to live. If someone dies, it was just their time to go, God picked another one of the prettiest flowers, there's not much you can do about it, besides thank God that they had lived and brightened up your life. Even your parents, which you say don't seem to care about you, they still gave you food and shelter, and that is showing that they care. And yes, you might miss whoever dies for the rest of your life, but then you'll die too, and you'll finally be together again.

Don't worry about what other people think. What's it to them? If they don't care enough to realize you're not stupid, then they're not people worth your time anyway. And time is what life is made of, so if you waste your time on them, you're wasting invaluable seconds that you could be spending on something wonderful.

One of the important things in life is to just be okay with yourself. You can only be alone when there are other people with you. The wrong people. All you need is you. And if all you need is you, you'll be perfectly okay on your own. That's not to say being with good people isn't good, that is, in fact, wonderful, and it makes things so much better. Just don't be with the wrong people.

What kind of deep questions are you asking yourself, if I may ask? It may not be worth worrying about, or maybe you should sit down, write it out, and think about it. Even if you can't answer it, sometimes just thinking helps.

I'm really sorry about your dog, and your dad! Are you taking your dog to the vet? Why is your dad refusing?

When something seems too big to just not worry about, or if it really will affect you more than just school or something, it may help to pretend that it doesn't matter, so you don't worry and it's easier to stay calm, but acknowledge that something needs to be done about it, and figure out what the best thing to do is, and do it. If you don't stay calm it's easy to make mistakes, so just make sure you're calm, and thinking rationally.

I highly recommend you try dancing. Don't worry about looking good, just relax and let the music's energy surround you. You can always do it in private if that will help you relax. Doesn't have to be anything fancy, just move. It's kind of hard to be depressed when you're letting a happy song envelope you.

Links (sorry, it won't let me make them clickable):

youtube DOT com/watch?v=Piw1lsN5YbI&index=35&list=PLSBOsdX8ciNS-hQi1XGRJJ-v2mvjQW4lb

youtube DOT com/watch?v=L6jEpM32c6E

youtube DOT com/watch?v=JURBhBi4yGg&index=1&list=PLSBOsdX8ciNS-hQi1XGRJJ-v2mvjQW4lb

youtube DOT com/watch?v=PdhMjCnwq6I

youtube DOT com/watch?v=-s72Dk5U0_I&list=PLSBOsdX8ciNS-hQi1XGRJJ-v2mvjQW4lb&index=75

youtube DOT com/watch?v=ZuLxcWwrJpo&list=PLSBOsdX8ciNTWL92Rq5shyrlWkXoBTL4v&index=79

youtube DOT com/watch?v=Rg-WsT16Nnw&list=PLSBOsdX8ciNSif7fLkOdKCqwwPGkk_h3h&index=14

youtube DOT com/playlist?list=PLUBVPK8x-XMhCW2fW7ZYlD9MHjvmT8IGK

youtube DOT com/user/montyoum/videos

Keep moving forward!