Uh oh, poetry.

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  • Erothyme
    FFR Player
    • Jan 2008
    • 2033
    #1

    Uh oh, poetry.

    The cleverest phrasings,
    Orations amazing,
    Written by a poet, at best
    Allow tiny truths and
    Tension thereof to
    Temporarily lift from his chest.

    This twisting and weaving
    Of flowery speaking
    May leave many people impressed,
    But only in silence
    Devoid of defiance
    Can poets be truly at rest.


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    Tags: None
    • Verruckter
      FFR Player
      • Apr 2004
      • 2707
      #2
      Re: Uh oh, poetry.

      Short and sweet. I liked it. Nice rhythmic and rimes, good images.
      Truth lies in loneliness, When hope is long gone by -Blind Guardian, The Soulforged
      Image removed for size violation.

        Comment

        • vantilburg
          lol internet
          • Feb 2006
          • 545
          #3
          Re: Uh oh, poetry.

          I liked the flow to it, it's almost musical.
          It also has a theme instead of just throwing arbitrary and unorthodox words together, which a lot of people do when writing poetry. And as Verruckter said, short and sweet.
          10/10


          Originally posted by SaguchiTheCat
          You are an ultimate humafag. Calling you an ultimate humafag is an understatement. You are a complete loonatic huma****! You should be shot with a bazooka for thinking this.
          You've been hanging around the wrong furries, then. Most furries are nice people. ALL humafags are huge jerks. Environmentalists are good people who care about this planet, unlike you, Squeek.

            Comment

            • All_That_Chaz
              Supreme Dictator For Life
              • Apr 2004
              • 5874
              #4
              Re: Uh oh, poetry.

              How meta. I like it.
              Back to "Back to Earth"
              Originally posted by FoJaR
              dammit chaz
              Originally posted by FoJaR
              god dammit chaz
              Originally posted by MalReynolds
              I bet when you live in a glass house, the temptation to throw stones is magnified strictly because you're not supposed to.

                Comment

                • Erothyme
                  FFR Player
                  • Jan 2008
                  • 2033
                  #5
                  Re: Uh oh, poetry.

                  Originally posted by All_That_Chaz
                  How meta.
                  <3


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                    Comment

                    • kitkat9
                      FFR Player
                      • Feb 2009
                      • 87
                      #6
                      Re: Uh oh, poetry.

                      Its a very well written piece I like it very muchos.

                        Comment

                        • lord_carbo
                          FFR Player
                          • Dec 2004
                          • 6222
                          #7
                          Re: Uh oh, poetry.

                          I love it. Very very awesome poem. But I think "Briefly lift up from his chest" instead of "Temporarily lift from his chest" would make the poem sound SO much better. And I think "penned by the poet, at best" works slightly better than "written by a poet." Both of these edits are just so it fits the rhythm better.

                          So with those edits, the poem reads:

                          The cleverest phrasings,
                          Orations amazing,
                          Penned by the poet, at best
                          Allow tiny truths and
                          Tension thereof to
                          Briefly lift up from his chest.

                          This twisting and weaving
                          Of flowery speaking
                          May leave many people impressed,
                          But only in silence
                          Devoid of defiance
                          Can poets be truly at rest.
                          personally I feel it reads much better, especially that last line of the first stanza. That other edit might be too thesaurus-y but it fits the rhythm better. eh.

                          really, though, I ****ing love this poem.
                          Last edited by lord_carbo; 03-7-2009, 12:03 PM.
                          last.fm

                            Comment

                            • passivegirl
                              FFR Player
                              • Mar 2008
                              • 93
                              #8
                              Re: Uh oh, poetry.

                              Very nice work. While I don't find it an absolutely necessarily change, I do agree with carbo's suggestion. Again, though, fantastic piece!
                              Member for under a year and already over 400 AAAs! Yay for FFR ^_^

                                Comment

                                • Erothyme
                                  FFR Player
                                  • Jan 2008
                                  • 2033
                                  #9
                                  Re: Uh oh, poetry.

                                  I see where you're coming from, Carbo. However, the problem is that we are reading it with different enunciation. I understand, though, that the ease with which the intended enunciation can be missed can be seen as something of a flaw. Regardless, I prefer the original, and respectfully refuse your edits. 8)

                                  Think:

                                  The cleverest phrasings,
                                  Orations amazing, Writ-
                                  -ten by a poet, at best
                                  Allow tiny truths and
                                  Tension thereof to Tempo-
                                  -rarily lift from his chest.


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