Dear love

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  • cdwolf
    FFR Player
    • Jun 2008
    • 24
    #1

    Dear love

    a random poem by me:

    Dear love of my life
    How was your night
    How I miss you so
    I wish I didn't have to go
    When we are together
    My heart feels light as a feather
    I feel happier than I ever have
    You truly make me glad
    I will love you for the rest of my life
    You saw who I really was
    You accepted me despite my flaws
    I wish I could be holding your hand
    Smile with you as we stand
    In each other's arms
    And we wont break each other's hearts
    So I am writing this to tell you
    I loved from the start with all my heart
    Your lover always and forever.
    Tags: None
    • MooMoo_Cowfreak
      Abraxas Hydroplane
      • May 2006
      • 1746
      #2
      Re: Dear love

      It's sweet, but it needs more rhythm, forced rhymes are no fun, and keep it rhyming the whole time. Switching off and on is kinda awkward to read.

      Then again this is exactly how I right poems, so I'm sorta being a hypocrite
      Last edited by MooMoo_Cowfreak; 08-19-2008, 10:23 PM.
      Originally posted by hi19hi19
      dumps abstractly represent the song with arrows

      post-dumps abstractly represent the existential nihilism that the song invokes in the listener with negative space, evoking the ephemeral nature of the mind - the journey of stepmania begins in hope yet soon becomes corroded into a dialectic of futility, leaving only a sense of dread and the unlikelihood of a new synthesis

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        • fido123
          FFR Player
          • Sep 2005
          • 4245
          #3
          Re: Dear love

          I say it's a very good and sweet message but doesn't have a lot of rhythm...still says a lot though. Reading it makes me ^_^ and that's very hard to get me to do.

            Comment

            • Tokzic
              FFR Player
              • May 2005
              • 6878
              #4
              Re: Dear love

              Extremely poor rhyming, as Cowfreak has already outlined. No eloquence, or original thought whatsoever to make it stand out even the slightest bit. Just another love poem in a world full of dull, uninspired love poems.

              Last edited by Tokzic: Today at 11:59 PM. Reason: wait what

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