A Rose Dipped in Poison

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  • awesome13
    FFR Player
    • Jul 2008
    • 9

    #1

    A Rose Dipped in Poison

    This isn't one of my best poems, but i think it's pretty good. (i actually typed this awhile ago, so i've gotten better. This is one of my favorites.)

    A Rose Dipped in Poison


    A beautiful red rose sparkles in the sun
    Losing its vibrant red petals one by one
    As they fall to the ground we see
    That the rose wasn’t so sweet

    The rose was stained with a violet poison
    As it drips from the withering pedals
    This beautiful flower of romance
    Slowly dies as it’s grasped by the devil

    The last of the petals fall to the ground
    As the sun begins to fade
    The only question we think of now is
    Why was this rose ever made?

    My heart is covered by a veil of poison as well
    As this story comes to a close
    But I desperately hope
    My fate isn’t the same as the rose
    FEAR MY RANDOMNESS OF DOOM!

    .....yeah i know...i'm random...not always...but sometimes...FFR = awesome
  • R-Sisco
    FFR Veteran
    • Nov 2007
    • 163

    #2
    Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison

    You just love that depressing stuff don't you? Yeah I read it...its ok.

    Comment

    • awesome13
      FFR Player
      • Jul 2008
      • 9

      #3
      Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison

      Originally posted by R-Sisco
      You just love that depressing stuff don't you? Yeah I read it...its ok.
      yeah, and thanks
      FEAR MY RANDOMNESS OF DOOM!

      .....yeah i know...i'm random...not always...but sometimes...FFR = awesome

      Comment

      • Tibs
        FFR Player
        • May 2006
        • 5235

        #4
        Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison

        Why does the rhyming structure change after the first verse?

        Metal covers of vidya game songs

        Comment

        • who_cares973
          FFR Player
          • Aug 2006
          • 15407

          #5
          Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison

          depressing because your depressed

          i liked it also what tibs said

          why?

          Comment

          • Crashfan3
            FFR Player
            • Nov 2006
            • 2937

            #6
            Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison

            Nice.

            I'm also curious as to why the rhyming style changed.

            Comment

            • TakeHayashi_XD
              FFR Player
              • May 2008
              • 136

              #7
              Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison

              i like it because its as if the rose had a poisoned soul
              ~READY.AIM.FIRE!!~



              Comment

              • NFD
                FFR Player
                • Nov 2007
                • 4715

                #8
                Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison

                The poem overall was decent.
                Here's a haiku for you so you can do better:

                This poem is fine
                It is not the best I've read
                Keep working on it

                Comment

                • TakeHayashi_XD
                  FFR Player
                  • May 2008
                  • 136

                  #9
                  Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison

                  wow that was a plain haiku, but well written and appropriate
                  good job
                  ~READY.AIM.FIRE!!~



                  Comment

                  • NFD
                    FFR Player
                    • Nov 2007
                    • 4715

                    #10
                    Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison

                    If I wanted to use more details, I would have picked a subject that wasn't based off of a short poem on an Internet forum, but thanks.

                    Comment

                    • who_cares973
                      FFR Player
                      • Aug 2006
                      • 15407

                      #11
                      Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison

                      Originally posted by NFD
                      The poem overall was decent.
                      Here's a haiku for you so you can do better:

                      This poem is fine
                      It is not the best I've read
                      Keep working on it
                      what a great haiku
                      try making it sound better
                      irrelevant post
                      Last edited by who_cares973; 08-1-2008, 02:55 AM.

                      Comment

                      • Netjet!
                        Sic itur ad astra
                        FFR Simfile Author
                        • Jan 2008
                        • 4701

                        #12
                        Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison

                        you guys are cool
                        making awesome sensible haikus
                        get some lives people
                        RIP Steve Van Ness <3

                        Comment

                        • infinity.
                          FFR Veteran
                          • Sep 2007
                          • 1701

                          #13
                          Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison

                          Originally posted by Netjet!
                          you guys are cool
                          making awesome sensible haikus
                          get some lives people
                          5-7-5 next time, bud.
                          signatures are for nerds

                          nerds

                          Comment

                          • knuckles2224
                            Angel Island ♥
                            • Jun 2007
                            • 1530

                            #14
                            Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison

                            That story was soo sad, I cried.


                            Originally posted by arrekusuof93
                            Knuckles you're just a rebel

                            Comment

                            • Commandersa1
                              FFR Player
                              • Mar 2006
                              • 2344

                              #15
                              Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison

                              Originally posted by Infinity.
                              5-7-5 next time, bud.
                              xD, where did he get 4-9-5 from?

                              Comment

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