a poem

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  • da_headhunter
    FFR Player
    • Jan 2007
    • 82
    #1

    a poem

    It should all be centered, but the center commands screws up the scattered text so just imagine it is centered haha


    The Mist

    Trapped by the mist. The haze skews all vision. Only caricatures remain.

    Details only a faint memory. Open-mindedness extinct. Thoughts clouded by the fog.

    It is dense. The smog of corruption surrounds all perspectives. Eliminates distant possibilities.

    Only immediate response survive. Instincts thrive. Morals are their sustenance.

    It intensifies. Complete
    blindness. Thought
    vanishes. The beginning consumes
    the end. All is


    lost.

    T
    h
    e
    mist

    i
    s
    i
    n
    c
    o
    n
    t
    r
    o
    l
    Last edited by da_headhunter; 05-19-2008, 05:59 PM.
    Tags: None
    • OMG its HIM
      FFR Player
      • Mar 2008
      • 667
      #2
      Re: a poem

      so deep and intense
      AAA-5
      FC's-102
      Best AAA-Pita
      Best FC-Piano Etude
      <He Got Laid
      Originally posted by djshox
      I will kill you.

        Comment

        • devonin
          Very Grave Indeed
          Event Staff
          FFR Simfile Author
          • Apr 2004
          • 10120
          #3
          Re: a poem

          I wasn't a fan of the style when E.E. Cummings did it.

          Art masquerading as poetry is better appreciated as art for the aesthetic.

            Comment

            • da_headhunter
              FFR Player
              • Jan 2007
              • 82
              #4
              Re: a poem

              are you speaking of the poem as a whole, or just the ending?

                Comment

                • devonin
                  Very Grave Indeed
                  Event Staff
                  FFR Simfile Author
                  • Apr 2004
                  • 10120
                  #5
                  Re: a poem

                  The ending.

                  Mind you, I'm probably the worst person to be evaluating the kind of poetry that is usually posted here, because I prefer my writing to actually say what it means and mean what it says.

                  I vastly prefer prose to poetry, and find a lot of the obfuscation and "deep meanings only I understand" in a lot of poetry, especially poetry generally written by those 13-19 who frequent the lit forum, to just be a mark of poor writing.

                  Obviously that isn't an issue with this particular poem, which doesn't hide behind a lot of obscure symbolism and over-thesaurus-use, but I do have a particular long-term hate-on for poetry that uses "creative formatting" in an effort to add more "art" into their "writing"

                    Comment

                    • da_headhunter
                      FFR Player
                      • Jan 2007
                      • 82
                      #6
                      Re: a poem

                      ya, I think the ending does go a little far. But I could not think of a better way to structurally enhance the implied intensity. Personally, I despise prose. It is way too straightforward for me. I understand your view though; frequently poems get way too caught up in obscurity. When I wrote this poem though, my main goal was for the structure to play a large role in the overall tone of the poem.

                        Comment

                        • All_That_Chaz
                          Supreme Dictator For Life
                          • Apr 2004
                          • 5874
                          #7
                          Re: a poem

                          Eh, abstract free verse is hard to critique because it's never clear what the point is. It seems like the lack of clarity and fogginess is the point, which is supported by the form of the poem. I don't necessarily feel that the ending went too far, but it just went with the the whole poem that's whole point was to be obstinately muggy. I did like the second stanza's use of enjambment. It produced a rolling feeling that was enjoyable.

                          It's fairly easy to write decent free verse. It's harder to write decent poetry in some sort of form. I'd like to see what you could do with quatrains or couplets.
                          Back to "Back to Earth"
                          Originally posted by FoJaR
                          dammit chaz
                          Originally posted by FoJaR
                          god dammit chaz
                          Originally posted by MalReynolds
                          I bet when you live in a glass house, the temptation to throw stones is magnified strictly because you're not supposed to.

                            Comment

                            • da_headhunter
                              FFR Player
                              • Jan 2007
                              • 82
                              #8
                              Re: a poem

                              hmmm maybe I will try it.

                                Comment

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