a poem

[da_headhunter]

It should all be centered, but the center commands screws up the scattered text so just imagine it is centered haha


The Mist

Trapped by the mist. The haze skews all vision. Only caricatures remain.

Details only a faint memory. Open-mindedness extinct. Thoughts clouded by the fog.

It is dense. The smog of corruption surrounds all perspectives. Eliminates distant possibilities.

Only immediate response survive. Instincts thrive. Morals are their sustenance.

It intensifies. Complete
blindness. Thought
vanishes. The beginning consumes
the end. All is


lost.

T

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mist

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[OMG its HIM]

Re: a poem

so deep and intense

[devonin]

Re: a poem

I wasn't a fan of the style when E.E. Cummings did it.

Art masquerading as poetry is better appreciated as art for the aesthetic.

[da_headhunter]

Re: a poem

are you speaking of the poem as a whole, or just the ending?

[devonin]

Re: a poem

The ending.

Mind you, I'm probably the worst person to be evaluating the kind of poetry that is usually posted here, because I prefer my writing to actually say what it means and mean what it says.

I vastly prefer prose to poetry, and find a lot of the obfuscation and "deep meanings only I understand" in a lot of poetry, especially poetry generally written by those 13-19 who frequent the lit forum, to just be a mark of poor writing.

Obviously that isn't an issue with this particular poem, which doesn't hide behind a lot of obscure symbolism and over-thesaurus-use, but I do have a particular long-term hate-on for poetry that uses "creative formatting" in an effort to add more "art" into their "writing"

[da_headhunter]

Re: a poem

ya, I think the ending does go a little far. But I could not think of a better way to structurally enhance the implied intensity. Personally, I despise prose. It is way too straightforward for me. I understand your view though; frequently poems get way too caught up in obscurity. When I wrote this poem though, my main goal was for the structure to play a large role in the overall tone of the poem.

[All_That_Chaz]

Re: a poem

Eh, abstract free verse is hard to critique because it's never clear what the point is. It seems like the lack of clarity and fogginess is the point, which is supported by the form of the poem. I don't necessarily feel that the ending went too far, but it just went with the the whole poem that's whole point was to be obstinately muggy. I did like the second stanza's use of enjambment. It produced a rolling feeling that was enjoyable.

It's fairly easy to write decent free verse. It's harder to write decent poetry in some sort of form. I'd like to see what you could do with quatrains or couplets.

[da_headhunter]

Re: a poem

hmmm maybe I will try it.