Poem? Sure, why not.

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  • MalReynolds
    CHOCK FULL O' NUTRIENTS
    • Sep 2003
    • 6571
    #1

    Poem? Sure, why not.

    All the rage, you know.

    -

    Hold back the trees
    Or let them swing forward
    Catching a strong gust
    Until the leaves orange in glow
    With no more strength
    tremble and collapse to the ground all effulgent
    And as they begin to dry
    and fade, they find new life
    Hold me back

    Hold me back,
    Hold back the river
    Flowing and glistening into the cave
    Hold back the leaves that fell from the tree into its lukewarm embrace
    Drifting without a care
    The fish, no longer trying
    Limp and float out, deathly
    Another opportunity missed
    Hold me back

    Hold me back,
    Hold back the hurricane
    Center eye in the darkened sky
    As the father cloud withholds, counts
    Until the ground swept clean
    Is barren and unforgiving
    Unable to nurture
    Unable to grow but weeds
    Hold me back

    Hold me back,
    The sun
    That son that shines ever bright
    Hold him back as mother ground and father wind
    Find no respite from the harsh glow
    And life, life as fragile as the leaf
    As the fish, the everything
    Is held back
    Hold me back.

    -

    Wrote that at work the other day.
    "A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline."

    "Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor


    My new novel:

    Maledictions: The Offering.

    Now in Paperback!
    Tags: None
    • korny
      It's Saint Pepsi bitch
      • May 2004
      • 4385
      #2
      Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

      That's pretty good. Mind reiterating as to what it all means?

        Comment

        • MagicCarpetRide
          Skware One
          • Jun 2006
          • 1125
          #3
          Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

          Originally posted by MalReynolds

          Wrote that at work the other day.
          What do you do at work?
          You have free time at work? SWEeeeeeet/

          P.S. Good Poem
          I mean good as in better than what all the emo kids post on FFR.

            Comment

            • MalReynolds
              CHOCK FULL O' NUTRIENTS
              • Sep 2003
              • 6571
              #4
              Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

              Originally posted by korny
              That's pretty good. Mind reiterating as to what it all means?
              Lust, mainly.

              I'll break it down later if you want?

              EDIT: And MCR, I wrote this on my lunch break. I work in a doctor's office doing transcription.
              "A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline."

              "Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor


              My new novel:

              Maledictions: The Offering.

              Now in Paperback!

                Comment

                • korny
                  It's Saint Pepsi bitch
                  • May 2004
                  • 4385
                  #5
                  Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

                  I want.

                    Comment

                    • MalReynolds
                      CHOCK FULL O' NUTRIENTS
                      • Sep 2003
                      • 6571
                      #6
                      Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

                      First stanza is life/rebirth, that kind of thing. From life can come new life.

                      Second stanza is about the woman becoming infertile and losing the opportunity to make new life.

                      Third stanza is about the man witholding.

                      And the fourth is about the inevitable son to take care of his parents as they die and try to start living.

                      Pretty much.
                      "A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline."

                      "Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor


                      My new novel:

                      Maledictions: The Offering.

                      Now in Paperback!

                        Comment

                        • korny
                          It's Saint Pepsi bitch
                          • May 2004
                          • 4385
                          #7
                          Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

                          That's very very deep. I don't think i'll be able to post a poem on this site after reading yours.

                            Comment

                            • ShastaTwist
                              FFR Veteran
                              • Sep 2004
                              • 599
                              #8
                              Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

                              Boooooooo.

                              Where's the poem about the fingers?

                                Comment

                                • Dimitri13
                                  FFR Player
                                  • Jun 2004
                                  • 701
                                  #9
                                  Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

                                  If it's a piece of Mal literature, you know it's a 10/10.


                                  Originally posted by Tibs
                                  Originally posted by arsonistsgetallthegirls
                                  changing Antarctica into a desert
                                  good thing theres lots of sand under all the ice

                                    Comment

                                    • MalReynolds
                                      CHOCK FULL O' NUTRIENTS
                                      • Sep 2003
                                      • 6571
                                      #10
                                      Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

                                      Originally posted by ShastaTwist
                                      Boooooooo.

                                      Where's the poem about the fingers?
                                      Sorry. This was my first foray into real poetry
                                      "A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline."

                                      "Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor


                                      My new novel:

                                      Maledictions: The Offering.

                                      Now in Paperback!

                                        Comment

                                        • All_That_Chaz
                                          Supreme Dictator For Life
                                          • Apr 2004
                                          • 5874
                                          #11
                                          Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

                                          definitely great for an hour's work. the nature metaphors are well laid out and are simple enough not to alienate any reader.

                                          few things - i don't like the word effulgent. it's out of place in terms of diction. it's just too high. there isn't any other word in the poem that goes to that level of diction so i'd look for another way to get at what you're trying to say. it just sounds pretentious now.
                                          i don't know if it was just me but the second half of the second stanza didn't flow right. i'd tighten it up with more punctuation. i kept having to correct myself after incorrectly enjambing two lines.
                                          i don't see the third stanza as about a man holding back but instead a critique on women, only able to produce weeds. it's not a problem, but i got a laugh out of it.
                                          and in the final stanza, i don't know, using the sun/son metaphor always seems cheeky when i read it. you support it well enough by putting a couple more familial references in there, but it just never sits well with me.

                                          great job!
                                          Back to "Back to Earth"
                                          Originally posted by FoJaR
                                          dammit chaz
                                          Originally posted by FoJaR
                                          god dammit chaz
                                          Originally posted by MalReynolds
                                          I bet when you live in a glass house, the temptation to throw stones is magnified strictly because you're not supposed to.

                                            Comment

                                            • ShastaTwist
                                              FFR Veteran
                                              • Sep 2004
                                              • 599
                                              #12
                                              Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

                                              Originally posted by MalReynolds
                                              Sorry. This was my first foray into real poetry
                                              But I loved the poem about the fingers. ):

                                                Comment

                                                • commander_toast
                                                  FFR Player
                                                  • Sep 2007
                                                  • 75
                                                  #13
                                                  Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

                                                  yeh the fingers was a good poem

                                                    Comment

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