Poem? Sure, why not.

[MalReynolds]

All the rage, you know.

-

Hold back the trees
Or let them swing forward
Catching a strong gust
Until the leaves orange in glow
With no more strength
tremble and collapse to the ground all effulgent
And as they begin to dry
and fade, they find new life
Hold me back

Hold me back,
Hold back the river
Flowing and glistening into the cave
Hold back the leaves that fell from the tree into its lukewarm embrace
Drifting without a care
The fish, no longer trying
Limp and float out, deathly
Another opportunity missed
Hold me back

Hold me back,
Hold back the hurricane
Center eye in the darkened sky
As the father cloud withholds, counts
Until the ground swept clean
Is barren and unforgiving
Unable to nurture
Unable to grow but weeds
Hold me back

Hold me back,
The sun
That son that shines ever bright
Hold him back as mother ground and father wind
Find no respite from the harsh glow
And life, life as fragile as the leaf
As the fish, the everything
Is held back
Hold me back.

-

Wrote that at work the other day.

[korny]

Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

That's pretty good. Mind reiterating as to what it all means?

[MagicCarpetRide]

Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

Wrote that at work the other day.

What do you do at work?
You have free time at work? SWEeeeeeet/

P.S. Good Poem
I mean good as in better than what all the emo kids post on FFR.

[MalReynolds]

Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

That's pretty good. Mind reiterating as to what it all means?

Lust, mainly.

I'll break it down later if you want?

EDIT: And MCR, I wrote this on my lunch break. I work in a doctor's office doing transcription.

[korny]

Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

I want.

[MalReynolds]

Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

First stanza is life/rebirth, that kind of thing. From life can come new life.

Second stanza is about the woman becoming infertile and losing the opportunity to make new life.

Third stanza is about the man witholding.

And the fourth is about the inevitable son to take care of his parents as they die and try to start living.

Pretty much.

[korny]

Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

That's very very deep. I don't think i'll be able to post a poem on this site after reading yours.

[ShastaTwist]

Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

Boooooooo.

Where's the poem about the fingers?

[Dimitri13]

Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

If it's a piece of Mal literature, you know it's a 10/10.

[MalReynolds]

Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

Boooooooo.

Where's the poem about the fingers?

Sorry. This was my first foray into real poetry

[All_That_Chaz]

Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

definitely great for an hour's work. the nature metaphors are well laid out and are simple enough not to alienate any reader.

few things - i don't like the word effulgent. it's out of place in terms of diction. it's just too high. there isn't any other word in the poem that goes to that level of diction so i'd look for another way to get at what you're trying to say. it just sounds pretentious now.
i don't know if it was just me but the second half of the second stanza didn't flow right. i'd tighten it up with more punctuation. i kept having to correct myself after incorrectly enjambing two lines.
i don't see the third stanza as about a man holding back but instead a critique on women, only able to produce weeds. it's not a problem, but i got a laugh out of it.
and in the final stanza, i don't know, using the sun/son metaphor always seems cheeky when i read it. you support it well enough by putting a couple more familial references in there, but it just never sits well with me.

great job!

[ShastaTwist]

Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

Sorry. This was my first foray into real poetry

But I loved the poem about the fingers. ):

[commander_toast]

Re: Poem? Sure, why not.

yeh the fingers was a good poem