Uhm... Poem

Re: Uhm... Poem

the end was cool. i like how the kids were going around reading the tombstones for some reason ^-^ it probably shouldnt be in poem format, but otherwise its pretty decent. makes for a sad short story -.- keep writing!

Re: Uhm... Poem

Thanks.
^-^
and the reason they were playing around the tomb stones?
they got bored.
haha.

Re: Uhm... Poem

That's very emo like but all in all it was ok. Just some helpful writers critism I think u started it off very well with the ryhming but after a while it got a bit out of rythm. I used to write a lot of different poems that were also kinda long like this n I got one kinda emo sounding too lolz. If u wanna hear it lemme no!

Re: Uhm... Poem

sure,
i'd love to hear it.

Re: Uhm... Poem

Hmmm hmmm hmmm... Sorry to inform you, but this is not a poem; it is a short story. Contrary to popular opinion,

irregularly spaced
lines
do not make
a poem.

I do however commend you for your evident awareness of the spell check feature.

Re: Uhm... Poem

Yeah,I'd like to hear it.It is a good poem.

Re: Uhm... Poem


Yes, I am aware of the fact that it is not a poem. I wrote this last year and I was unfortunately unaware I copied the wrong document off of my computer. Ano no, I didn't check to be sure I had the correct document. Why? Because I'm stupid. Apparently, the rewrite got deleted by my mother, who saw it as an old worthless document. -_-

I get annoyed when people don't use it, really. I'm a future english teacher in he making. :b

Re: Uhm... Poem


Me too. d:P

Re: Uhm... Poem

I wrote this in high school as a homework assignment but I reele liked the way it came out, so I kept it. It’s prolly the most sophiscated poem I eva wrote in my entire life

Nightmare Scare

It starts out on a plain so vast,
Beyond my future,
Beyond my past,
I tippy-toe so light and free,
And let my wings above take over me,
I soar like a feather in the gentle breeze,
Beyond the ocean,
Above the trees,
Until I see a mist of grey,
All my happy thoughts fade away,
A storm cloud electrocutes me,
And I go down,
You know what happens next,
Splat I hit the ground.
And from a distant I can’t believe what I see,
A legion of demons coming after me,
I try to run forward,
But yet I go back,
Frozen in terror,
They jump and attack,
Cold boney hands clamp me
To take me away,
Never again
Will I see the light of day.
And on one side is a light so bright,
A face you cannot see,
With man’s capacity of sight,
And on the other side,
Sits a face so placid and gaunt,
Simply a face you would not want.
The judge of the other side,
The one that takes you away,
The one that makes you want to pray.
I know my morals are despicable and vile,
And now I realize this is my trail.
I see the scale tip from right to left,
And a rush of memories reminds me of my greed and theft.
All the lies I’ve told,
My heart so cold,
And in the past all the poor people I walked by and sighed,
Then I remembered…
Yesterday I died.
Yes this was truly the end,
And the scale tipped to one side,
“Please show me mercy!”
I begged and I cried.
But it was too late,
The scale already decided my fate,
And the shadows came towards me to eternally put me away,
To lock me in a crypt with no light of day,
As for the first reach,
They all missed,
But out of fear,
On myself I pissed.
The again, they reached for me and I kicked and I screamed,
But all together,
Me they doubled teamed.
And I felt my blood rushing,
Pumping through my veins,
All this noise and rancid stench,
Was driving me insane!
And I hear the sirens,
Screaming going through my head,
Is this what it’s really like,
After you’re dead?
A slap of my alarm button on top,
And suddenly all the noise seems to stop.
I sigh and I am covered in sweat,
There is no need for such a fret,
I reach for my pants,
And out of happiness, I do a little dance.
But wait!
I look in the mirror,
And there is no reflection I see,
And farther back are lurking,
The shadows waiting for me.
By: Diana V. (ME) he he

Re: Uhm... Poem

Don't use someone else's thread to post your own poem.

Make a new thread.

Jesus Christ.

Re: Uhm... Poem

I don't see any significance really in that poem. It's supposed to convey something. But as that other dude said, it's essentially an oddly written short story.

Re: Uhm... Poem

I don't want to use a new thread cuz the guy who posted this said he wants to read it. Scroll up n read the rest of the thread n u'll c what I'm talkin about.

Re: Uhm... Poem

Should have used PMs.

Re: Uhm... Poem

Calmete Shasta roflmao. Anyways


I liked the first "poem" although I can't see how you could really call it that... it really is just a short story, but enough of stating the obvious (although if you have any other work I would love to see it)

With the second poem yet again it sort of was a short story but has no one here read the Oddessy or the Illiad [they were written by Homer]?(how do you spell that lol) That's a poem believe it or not, it's an "epic" poem granted but a poem none the less. This second work has a rhyme scheme and flows well; I loved it and if you have anything similar I would love to see more . I write poetry/songs myself however, 98% of the time they suck so much @$$ it's not even funny :P. Anywho off to stalk the forums once more.