Uhm... Poem

[TsukikoTomoko]

Re: Uhm... Poem

nyah! sorry i haven't been able to use the computer for a while since my parents pulled out all the cords until i finished my summer homework for my honors classes.

zadovoljna, i thought your poem was great.

it all flowed really nicely.

I liked the first "poem" although I can't see how you could really call it that... it really is just a short story, but enough of stating the obvious (although if you have any other work I would love to see it)

my...other work? i suppose so, but it kinda sucks and is really emo, just to warn you.

Please, Just Look At Me

I'm wearing long sleeves again
But outside it feels like
the temperature is one-hunderd-ten.
Please, just look at me.

I never show my arms
my legs are always covered
and yet you see no harm.
Please, just look at me.

I spent an hour
in the bathroom, so I lied,
"Sorry, long shower."
the first time i cut too deep.
Please, just look at me.

I cry myself to sleep
every single night.
You never hear me weep.
Please, just look at me.

I laugh too loud,
and I fake every smile,
trying to hide
in my make-believe cloud.

Where everything is happy,
and I'm not sad.
But then reality hits
and it hurts so bad.

So I grabbed my only form of relief,
and let out a soft cry.
Then came the self-hatred.
I did it again, but why?

A second slice,
then I remember.
I'm not good enough for you
Or myself. I just won't suffice.

Please, just look at me.
Is it really that hard,
for there is much pain to see
I can't be that good in
hiding my emotional unstability.

I have so much
hate towards myself,
I need a razorblade's touch.
Please, just look at me.

I'm desperate, so alone,
and no one understands
the pain I've never shown.
Please, just look at me.

Blood flows down my arm,
just as the tears down my face.
You still see no cause for alarm.
Please, just look at me,

I want you to see,
but at the same time I don't.
I am addicted, wouldn't you agree?
Please, just look at me.

I'm just a mistake.
I can't do anything right.
And I have a sudden feeling
I'm going to break.

Please, just look at me.
I'm worthless, I'm nothing.
I'm addicted to self-mutilation.
I feel that you agree.

I am nothing to everyone,
and something to no one.

But this physical pain
is nothing compared
to the emotional strain
Please, just care about me.

I don't want pity,
and I don't want help.
I just want you to care,
because you never have before.

____________________________
honesty: at a point in my life i was stereotypically emo in almost every aspect (meaning i used to cut, in case you didn't catch that), and at that point i wrote the above poem.

A friend liked it out of the dozen-or-so i showed her, so i put this one.

So aside from the emo-ness of it all, structure-wise and rhyme-scheme wise, what do you think?

[Infinity^]

Re: Uhm... Poem

Do you know how to write poetry?
I sensed know meter, no rhythm, just a story with a couple of lines.
Read up on poems.

[zadovoljna]

Re: Uhm... Poem

Ok first off I just wanna say that even tho I've been a member on ffr for like 2yrs+ I am new to posting on forums n stuff. N this is reele sad laugh all u want ha ha but I dunno how to quote several ppl when posting a message. I only no how 2 do that 4 1 person. So if n e 1 can tell me that would be gr8.

Next since I dunno how 2 do that I'm just use ur s/n 2 refer 2 ya until I find out. :P

TsukikoTomoko- I think ur 2nd poem was better than the first poem/story u wrote in terms of content n the way it was written. It gave me the chills readin it but it was still good. It would be good 2 c suttin happier from u btwn I wrote my poem in h.s for a hw assignment it wasn't cuz I was emo or n e thin like that.

Mental Mage- U should post some of ur poems 2 even if they suck it would be good 2 c some of um n get feed baq. I've neva heard of n e of the poems u mentioned at least I dun think so. Truthfully I dunno much about poems myself.

ShastaTwist- What is a "PMs"?

Please some1 tell me how to double triple whatever quote I am laughin at myself 4 posting this way. -_-

[Mental Mage]

Re: Uhm... Poem

Ok first off I just wanna say that even tho I've been a member on ffr for like 2yrs+ I am new to posting on forums n stuff. N this is reele sad laugh all u want ha ha but I dunno how to quote several ppl when posting a message. I only no how 2 do that 4 1 person. So if n e 1 can tell me that would be gr8.

Next since I dunno how 2 do that I'm just use ur s/n 2 refer 2 ya until I find out. :P

TsukikoTomoko- I think ur 2nd poem was better than the first poem/story u wrote in terms of content n the way it was written. It gave me the chills readin it but it was still good. It would be good 2 c suttin happier from u btwn I wrote my poem in h.s for a hw assignment it wasn't cuz I was emo or n e thin like that.

Mental Mage- U should post some of ur poems 2 even if they suck it would be good 2 c some of um n get feed baq. I've neva heard of n e of the poems u mentioned at least I dun think so. Truthfully I dunno much about poems myself.

ShastaTwist- What is a "PMs"?

Please some1 tell me how to double triple whatever quote I am laughin at myself 4 posting this way. -_-

Do you know how to write poetry?
I sensed know meter, no rhythm, just a story with a couple of lines.
Read up on poems.

The way I dp'ed was I hit the quote button, cut and then quoted some one else and pasted.... you could prob repeat process for tq and quad quote... Im sure there is an easier way but IDK...


Uh Infinity, I realize it didn't have the perfect structure or rhyme scheme or anything but most people aren't poetry masters and pretty much just write free verse... which they then throw in rhymes here and there screwing up there free verse lol. In other words although the meanings are not deeply embeded and they don't leave much room for interpretation they still are poems.

I for one have not been exposed to too much awesome perfectly constructed poetry... (maybe Shakespeare if you consider that poetry) minus the Bible (yea it has poetry in it! That book has anything you'd ever want :P Its great reading even if your not a Christian.) And liked the emo poem.. granted I had that point two years ago and since then found the number of people that do that are just flippin scary... the thought of it still makes my heart pound and throat clog up.

Back to Zad... check my profile page my poetry is there in random thoughts... all of it I could find (I had an emo/pyro moment awhile ago so the fact that this much is left makes me happy )

Fare thee well for now,

<Mental>