I guess this is a start of a rant but more of a cry for help on my behalf. It is just that... things have really been going downhill for me right now and I just need some advice I guess. I really want advice and not just people feeling sorry for me OH SO SORRY YA KNOTHAT HAPPENED TO A FRIEND OF MINE... etc. I'm just very lost and I feel like I dont' have anywhere to go anymore... So here I go.
Last night was one of the worst days of my life again. I dont' know if all of you remember but my parents are getting a divorce and my mom was the psycho bitch with my dad being the passive-agressive "Mr. Mom". http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/...ad.php?t=42927
Well... I was on the computer just chatting with friends and browsing the forums when I hear my mom yelling at my sister and I to get downstairs to help clean. My grandpa was going to come over the next day(today) to spend some time with my mom since my grandma recently died. My mom wanted my sister and I out of the house so she could spend time with her dad. That is reasonable and all, and I respect that time that people need to spend with their parents. However, she insisted we cleaned for her while she sat on her fat ass doing nothing. I mean, I'm fine cleaning and everything, but when I'm getting kicked out of the house and doing all the work just because my mom is a ****ing lazy ass, I don't think that is going to happen. So she storms upstairs and I tell her that, saying that if we (my sister and I) are going to be kicked out of the house, what is the point of cleaning for YOU. She then bull****s some excuse saying YOU NEED TO SPEND TIME WITH YOUR FATHER (since he was kicked out of the house because my mom accused him of tampering with her meds, resulting in her having a stroke about 2 months back). I say that is complete bull**** and then she runs up to me as if she was going to hit me, she yanks out all the cords on my computer, she is like destroying my desk and the monitor, then she cusses at me and tells me to clean. I'm completely fet up with that **** so I tell her that I'm not her slave and I walk out of the room and lock myself in my room.
Everything was fine. I mean, it is typical teenager angst. I'm in my room, call some friends, bitch to them a bit. Then I hear what really was the main thing that just set me over the edge. From my room, I hear my sister's door being slammed open and I hear my mom cussing at HER when my sister didn't even do anything. I hear my mom throwing **** and things falling over and I hear my sister cussing. My sister was like "WHAT THE **** ARE YOU DOING?" and my mom is telling her to shut the **** up and everything. I'm in my room just like, almost trying to block it out because I always have control and I was starting to lose it. Then, my mom HITS my sister, I hear my sister like collapse on the floor then I hear my mom like hit her again and again. Then, my mom leaves the room. My sister calls her an unreasonable bitch, and then my mom goes back into her room and starts to hit her again. I lost control. Just completely, lost control. I picked up a giant wooden board from my room from my desk and I run out to my sister's room and I jab my mom with it. She had her back facing the doorway so I jabbed her in her lower back, telling her to get the **** off my sister. She does and she starts charging at me, so I jab her in the stomach and pin her against the wall. Then she ****ing cusses at me and I just lose all sense of just.. everything. I dont' even remember what the hell I said but I was just screaming. 5 years of pure hate just exploded that night and I went insane.
After that, I collapse on the floor in my room and I just dont' know what to do. I'm crying, my sister comes in and cries with me, and I decide to call my dad. He comes over and picks us up, and we went over to his place and hung out there for the night. I dont' know what to do anymore... I mean, whenever I see my mom, think about her, or see someone that reminds me of her, I feel that sense of insaneness and I start to lose control again. The thing is... I'm always calm and in control of my emotions and it just really freaked me out. I hate feeling like I can't control my situation in what I do because it just makes me uncomfortable. Basically, I don't know if there is someway to speed up the divorce process. My dad is trying to get her to move out of the house, but she is such a stubborn hoe, she wont' budge.
The thing that really got me was that my mom could just be so selfish in not realizing how this divorce is affecting everyone. My mom blew my dad off later whne he was trying to talk to her and like... I just can't understand why she is making everyone's life a living hell. She complains that she can't afford to live on her own because it is too expensive, but she can go back to her parent's house or move to a different part of California that isn't so expensive. Then she bitches about spousal support and then bitches because she doesn't get custody of my sister and I. You know, I wonder why? She is just so immature because she never accepts that fact that she is/was wrong, I mean, she always has to find someone else to blame for her problems. Like the divorce, earlier on, she blamed ME for it. Her personality, she blames her family for it. Just for little things, she blames other people and never takes responsibility for her actions. I really don't know what to do just because I honestly never want to see her again. Ever. Period. I talked to my dad about it but he just tries to mediate things and my sister is still in just as much shock as I am in. I talked to some friends and they all told me to calm down and to just move on with my life. But I'm just afraid that if I'm forced to live with my mom, something like this is going to happen again,except maybe even worse. I guess I'm asking for help then, even if it is the Internet.
O_o
Last night was one of the worst days of my life again. I dont' know if all of you remember but my parents are getting a divorce and my mom was the psycho bitch with my dad being the passive-agressive "Mr. Mom". http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/...ad.php?t=42927
Well... I was on the computer just chatting with friends and browsing the forums when I hear my mom yelling at my sister and I to get downstairs to help clean. My grandpa was going to come over the next day(today) to spend some time with my mom since my grandma recently died. My mom wanted my sister and I out of the house so she could spend time with her dad. That is reasonable and all, and I respect that time that people need to spend with their parents. However, she insisted we cleaned for her while she sat on her fat ass doing nothing. I mean, I'm fine cleaning and everything, but when I'm getting kicked out of the house and doing all the work just because my mom is a ****ing lazy ass, I don't think that is going to happen. So she storms upstairs and I tell her that, saying that if we (my sister and I) are going to be kicked out of the house, what is the point of cleaning for YOU. She then bull****s some excuse saying YOU NEED TO SPEND TIME WITH YOUR FATHER (since he was kicked out of the house because my mom accused him of tampering with her meds, resulting in her having a stroke about 2 months back). I say that is complete bull**** and then she runs up to me as if she was going to hit me, she yanks out all the cords on my computer, she is like destroying my desk and the monitor, then she cusses at me and tells me to clean. I'm completely fet up with that **** so I tell her that I'm not her slave and I walk out of the room and lock myself in my room.
Everything was fine. I mean, it is typical teenager angst. I'm in my room, call some friends, bitch to them a bit. Then I hear what really was the main thing that just set me over the edge. From my room, I hear my sister's door being slammed open and I hear my mom cussing at HER when my sister didn't even do anything. I hear my mom throwing **** and things falling over and I hear my sister cussing. My sister was like "WHAT THE **** ARE YOU DOING?" and my mom is telling her to shut the **** up and everything. I'm in my room just like, almost trying to block it out because I always have control and I was starting to lose it. Then, my mom HITS my sister, I hear my sister like collapse on the floor then I hear my mom like hit her again and again. Then, my mom leaves the room. My sister calls her an unreasonable bitch, and then my mom goes back into her room and starts to hit her again. I lost control. Just completely, lost control. I picked up a giant wooden board from my room from my desk and I run out to my sister's room and I jab my mom with it. She had her back facing the doorway so I jabbed her in her lower back, telling her to get the **** off my sister. She does and she starts charging at me, so I jab her in the stomach and pin her against the wall. Then she ****ing cusses at me and I just lose all sense of just.. everything. I dont' even remember what the hell I said but I was just screaming. 5 years of pure hate just exploded that night and I went insane.
After that, I collapse on the floor in my room and I just dont' know what to do. I'm crying, my sister comes in and cries with me, and I decide to call my dad. He comes over and picks us up, and we went over to his place and hung out there for the night. I dont' know what to do anymore... I mean, whenever I see my mom, think about her, or see someone that reminds me of her, I feel that sense of insaneness and I start to lose control again. The thing is... I'm always calm and in control of my emotions and it just really freaked me out. I hate feeling like I can't control my situation in what I do because it just makes me uncomfortable. Basically, I don't know if there is someway to speed up the divorce process. My dad is trying to get her to move out of the house, but she is such a stubborn hoe, she wont' budge.
The thing that really got me was that my mom could just be so selfish in not realizing how this divorce is affecting everyone. My mom blew my dad off later whne he was trying to talk to her and like... I just can't understand why she is making everyone's life a living hell. She complains that she can't afford to live on her own because it is too expensive, but she can go back to her parent's house or move to a different part of California that isn't so expensive. Then she bitches about spousal support and then bitches because she doesn't get custody of my sister and I. You know, I wonder why? She is just so immature because she never accepts that fact that she is/was wrong, I mean, she always has to find someone else to blame for her problems. Like the divorce, earlier on, she blamed ME for it. Her personality, she blames her family for it. Just for little things, she blames other people and never takes responsibility for her actions. I really don't know what to do just because I honestly never want to see her again. Ever. Period. I talked to my dad about it but he just tries to mediate things and my sister is still in just as much shock as I am in. I talked to some friends and they all told me to calm down and to just move on with my life. But I'm just afraid that if I'm forced to live with my mom, something like this is going to happen again,except maybe even worse. I guess I'm asking for help then, even if it is the Internet.
O_o
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