It starts off really bad/serious and then becomes humorous, my prefered style of writing, later on. It was for a project in math where we had to write a story related to exponential growth, which is why the beginning sucks so bad. I suppose it's not that bad if you look at it in a tongue-in-cheek manner, however. I changed the guy's name to Master Steve cuz my friend Jeff told me to.
Story begin gogogo:
In 2006, the human race’s dominance over the Earth was ended. On January 23, 2006, all broadcasting systems on the planet broadcast a chilling message: “Attention humans: We have watched you make a wasteland of your planet. We have decided that, due to your pollution and lack of respect for the planet, you are to be eliminated. Tomorrow, one human shall die. The next day, two. The day after that, four. Repeat this pattern, doubling the amount that die each day, until the plague known as humanity is destroyed. End transmission.”
The message from space proved true, for on January 24, only a single person died. All throughout the world, news stories reported this phenomena. The next day, the 25th, only two people were reported to have died in the entire world. As the days wore on, and gradually more and more people died, humanity knew it was doomed. World leaders made desperate pleas to space for forgiveness. America threatened to invade space and search for the weapons of mass destruction the aliens were undoubtedly using. However, this all proved fruitless. As more and more people died per day, humanity accepted its fate. The last days of humanity, although not peaceful, had a resignation about them. On the final day, only three billion people remained. As midnight, the time at which the rest of the people had died, approached, there were hysterics. Many people went insane trying to cope. In the end, however, it didn’t matter. At midnight, what was left of humanity died, filling the lands with bodies.
But there was one person who survived. As it turns out, the last day was not really the last day. You see, there was just one more person left to kill. Unfortunately, due to some technical errors (or, less officially, “red tape”) within the alien government, the aliens were unable to obtain sufficient funding to remain another day. They apologized to the remaining man for not being able to end his life in another transmission, this time on a two-way radio.
“Er, yes, we’re quite sorry about eliminating your entire species, except for you. Unfortunately, there’s been some budget cuts, so we have to leave. We have a wide variety of suicide material if you want to end it all or something along those lines.”
“No, that’s fine. I need to catch up on my reading, anyway. And maybe there’s something good on TV, now that the reality show demographics are gone,” replied the last man on Earth.
“Well, okay. If you ever need some mass genocide, you can ask us. We owe you a favor and all. Alright, bye,” replied the fearsome destroyers of the entire human race.
So, was there really anything good on TV, now that the reality show demographic was gone? Well, it turns out that the TV stations were pretty much left running on their old schedules (since only the humans had died, and most of these things were automated), so, no, there was still not anything good on TV. Five years later, after being forced to watch the 145th rerun of Survivor in a row, the last man decided to call upon his favor from the aliens. Using the frequency they had left him on their business card, he called the aliens.
“Er, yes, I was calling about that favor you owed me. I was wondering if you could perhaps give me dominance over a galaxy, or, failing that, a rather large solar system. I’m sure this isn’t too much to ask, you know, since you have the power to destroy entire species, you know.”
“Oh, it’s no problem, really. We just conquered a galaxy that we don’t really have any use for. We’d be glad to let you have it. There’s quite a lot of plutonium on the planets there, which I understand you humans… er, human, like. Liked. Whatever. The creatures living there resemble hyper-intelligent goldfish and tree sloths, along with a few Star Trek variety colored humans.”
“Oh, that sounds excellent, thanks.”
And that is the story of how Master Steve, former resident of Earth, first began his cruel reign of terror over the galaxy of Cru’zhix’yk, and eventually the universe! Well, the universe came later. But you get the idea.
Story begin gogogo:
In 2006, the human race’s dominance over the Earth was ended. On January 23, 2006, all broadcasting systems on the planet broadcast a chilling message: “Attention humans: We have watched you make a wasteland of your planet. We have decided that, due to your pollution and lack of respect for the planet, you are to be eliminated. Tomorrow, one human shall die. The next day, two. The day after that, four. Repeat this pattern, doubling the amount that die each day, until the plague known as humanity is destroyed. End transmission.”
The message from space proved true, for on January 24, only a single person died. All throughout the world, news stories reported this phenomena. The next day, the 25th, only two people were reported to have died in the entire world. As the days wore on, and gradually more and more people died, humanity knew it was doomed. World leaders made desperate pleas to space for forgiveness. America threatened to invade space and search for the weapons of mass destruction the aliens were undoubtedly using. However, this all proved fruitless. As more and more people died per day, humanity accepted its fate. The last days of humanity, although not peaceful, had a resignation about them. On the final day, only three billion people remained. As midnight, the time at which the rest of the people had died, approached, there were hysterics. Many people went insane trying to cope. In the end, however, it didn’t matter. At midnight, what was left of humanity died, filling the lands with bodies.
But there was one person who survived. As it turns out, the last day was not really the last day. You see, there was just one more person left to kill. Unfortunately, due to some technical errors (or, less officially, “red tape”) within the alien government, the aliens were unable to obtain sufficient funding to remain another day. They apologized to the remaining man for not being able to end his life in another transmission, this time on a two-way radio.
“Er, yes, we’re quite sorry about eliminating your entire species, except for you. Unfortunately, there’s been some budget cuts, so we have to leave. We have a wide variety of suicide material if you want to end it all or something along those lines.”
“No, that’s fine. I need to catch up on my reading, anyway. And maybe there’s something good on TV, now that the reality show demographics are gone,” replied the last man on Earth.
“Well, okay. If you ever need some mass genocide, you can ask us. We owe you a favor and all. Alright, bye,” replied the fearsome destroyers of the entire human race.
So, was there really anything good on TV, now that the reality show demographic was gone? Well, it turns out that the TV stations were pretty much left running on their old schedules (since only the humans had died, and most of these things were automated), so, no, there was still not anything good on TV. Five years later, after being forced to watch the 145th rerun of Survivor in a row, the last man decided to call upon his favor from the aliens. Using the frequency they had left him on their business card, he called the aliens.
“Er, yes, I was calling about that favor you owed me. I was wondering if you could perhaps give me dominance over a galaxy, or, failing that, a rather large solar system. I’m sure this isn’t too much to ask, you know, since you have the power to destroy entire species, you know.”
“Oh, it’s no problem, really. We just conquered a galaxy that we don’t really have any use for. We’d be glad to let you have it. There’s quite a lot of plutonium on the planets there, which I understand you humans… er, human, like. Liked. Whatever. The creatures living there resemble hyper-intelligent goldfish and tree sloths, along with a few Star Trek variety colored humans.”
“Oh, that sounds excellent, thanks.”
And that is the story of how Master Steve, former resident of Earth, first began his cruel reign of terror over the galaxy of Cru’zhix’yk, and eventually the universe! Well, the universe came later. But you get the idea.
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