Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?

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  • NeonSM
    Я тебя люблю Маша
    • Jan 2014
    • 571

    #1

    Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?

    It was a place that I once knew:
    temperate fields of diurnal dew!
    A land that murmured spectral songs,
    that once had enthralled hoards and throngs.
    I felt the essence of the place,
    where all but one soul was displaced.
    The temporal signs of sunny May
    came streaming through a never-ending day,
    and miles deep I heard her say:
    miles deep I heard her say--
    An instantaneous night had then appeared!
    From day to night, I felt her near!
    She stepped from a spot of enigmatic brume,
    a visage you have never seen,
    here against a tumultuous moon!
    Her floating eyes, they led the way,
    standing like Artemis, I heard her say--nothing .
    She was my metaphysical guide,
    leading me to come to find,
    the cosmic boundaries of my life;
    the energy flowing that was rife--
    And she needn't say a word to show,
    the ways that which the rivers flow.
    Last edited by NeonSM; 05-10-2015, 08:57 AM.
  • tipsis
    FFR Veteran
    • Dec 2011
    • 9

    #2
    Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?

    plot twisting tittle: "My first rape"

    Comment

    • NeonSM
      Я тебя люблю Маша
      • Jan 2014
      • 571

      #3
      Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?

      +1 post

      Comment

      • NeonSM
        Я тебя люблю Маша
        • Jan 2014
        • 571

        #4
        Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?

        Edited OP. Take a look.

        Comment

        • tipsis
          FFR Veteran
          • Dec 2011
          • 9

          #5
          Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?

          Your poem sucks

          Comment

          • NeonSM
            Я тебя люблю Маша
            • Jan 2014
            • 571

            #6
            Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?

            <3

            Comment

            • tipsis
              FFR Veteran
              • Dec 2011
              • 9

              #7
              Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?

              Masha - kakasha

              Comment

              • NeonSM
                Я тебя люблю Маша
                • Jan 2014
                • 571

                #8
                Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?

                So, you can sound out Russian?

                Comment

                • tipsis
                  FFR Veteran
                  • Dec 2011
                  • 9

                  #9
                  Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?

                  Also I can fuck your russian girlfriend.

                  Comment

                  • NeonSM
                    Я тебя люблю Маша
                    • Jan 2014
                    • 571

                    #10
                    Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?

                    I have to admit, I like your sense of humor.

                    Comment

                    • tipsis
                      FFR Veteran
                      • Dec 2011
                      • 9

                      #11
                      Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?

                      It was not intended as a joke

                      Comment

                      • NeonSM
                        Я тебя люблю Маша
                        • Jan 2014
                        • 571

                        #12
                        Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?

                        Well, your existence is a joke. Considering every other one of your posts have nothing to do with the thread and are merely feeble, yet somehow humorous, grabs for attention.

                        Comment

                        • tipsis
                          FFR Veteran
                          • Dec 2011
                          • 9

                          #13
                          Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?

                          Why do you insult me bro? I got feelz u know?

                          Comment

                          • Lightknight924
                            FFR Player
                            • Jul 2005
                            • 1164

                            #14
                            Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?

                            'The ways that which the rivers flow" could be a nice title. That, or 'LSD.'

                            Comment

                            • Red Blaster
                              Bridge Burner
                              • Jun 2011
                              • 2040

                              #15
                              Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?

                              Wow..I never understood the whole "randomly be a massive dick to everybody so I can fulfill my postcount" thing that goes on here.

                              I like the poem so fuck that douche.
                              "Her" kinda sprung to mind as a title, I know it's pretty cliché but..yeah.
                              Originally posted by hi19hi19
                              edgelord Linkin Park adolescent angst music
                              Originally posted by choof
                              hey great contribution to the thread cucklord the exit's up in the top right of your screen, it's called "log out"
                              Originally posted by Funnygurl555
                              what's a milky christmas :O

                              Comment

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