I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.

[phe0nixblade]

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.

I love this Erothyme guy, smart, and cocky. That's hardcore.
And as tokzic said, brilliant

[Bolth mannn]

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.

lol when I read the title I thought it said something along the lines of 'i was set on fire by a notebook tonight'

i think my brains reading things wrong lol, night.

[virus003]

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.

Obviously not. Oh yeah and your sig looks like ****.

Think about your sig for a second.

[Erothyme]

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.

tl;dr

Attention span of a fruit fly on heroin.

[NFD]

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.

Hello darkness, my old friend,
Ive come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.

[Erothyme]

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.

Delicious. Never read it before.

[mellonxcollie]

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.

Simon and Garfunkel? B)

[Erothyme]

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.

I bought my sister a couple S&G vinyls last year, but I haven't actually listened to them. Oh well. 8)

[NFD]

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.

They're not that bad actually. The song was used pretty nicely in Watchmen. But again, your poem was Robert Frost-esque. Read it thrice now.

[Erothyme]

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.

<3

[All_That_Chaz]

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.

Well it certainly sounds nice and the lines read very simply and beautifully. Good job.

1) Try rewriting the first stanza without using two rhymes that use the "u" sound. It sounds very different from the rest of the poem because of that. Just see what it sounds like to you after a rewrite. It will sound more in line with the rest of the poem that way. That isn't to say that it sounded bad. You should use that scheme for a different poem if you wanted.

2) Lines 5, 6, 7, and 8 seem to have a different rhyme scheme in each stanza. I'd say make up your mind and stick to one scheme.

3) Some of the rhymes sound forced. All this means is that you need to spend more time trying to find the right words. In particular:
You're no different from I,
Maybe it's just because there's a grammatical error in there (You're no different from me,). I'd find a different way to structure that line.

4) It's a bit abstract. You do a decent job of emoting to the reader what the metaphors and symbols mean but you can do better.

Overall good job, dude. Sorry it took so long for me to read this. I really liked it. I critique because I love.

[Erothyme]

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.

8)

[Brilliant Dynamite Neon]

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.

Pretty awesome poem. Nice, natural rhythm to it, which I think is what you were going for. There are some little nitpicks in the aesthetic department (which Chaz did a good job of pointing out) but overall it's really good.

Hope to see more stuff from you. I gotta start checking this forum some more.