My Heart is a battleground

[tsugomaru]

Re: My Heart is a battleground

Yah, I'm really sorry I didn't help at all.
Except for the small fact that if you read the post, you would notice the critism. Critiquing doesn't necessarily require you to quote the entire poem.
~Tsugomaru

[intencer]

Re: My Heart is a battleground

It's pretty choppy, but not terrible. I would have laughed my head of if it said "Battletoads"

[Rubin0]

Re: My Heart is a battleground

Just because words are spelled the same does not mean that they rhyme.


(example) honor =/= donor

(sample from your poem) tease =/= cease

Just my two cents.

[xinpig]

Re: My Heart is a battleground

It's pretty choppy, but not terrible. I would have laughed my head of if it said "Battletoads"

agreed.

[devonin]

Re: My Heart is a battleground

Wait....are you Pat Benatar?

[Rubin0]

Re: My Heart is a battleground

You made a funny. I can't recall ever seeing that before.

[devonin]

Re: My Heart is a battleground

Of course now I have to think of it as "Love is a battletoad"

We are frogs
Battle to battle we punch
No weapons, no saved games
Love is a Battletoad

[lord_carbo]

Re: My Heart is a battleground

Just because words are spelled the same does not mean that they rhyme.


(example) honor =/= donor

(sample from your poem) tease =/= cease

Just my two cents.

Actually, tease and cease rhyme.

[MalReynolds]

Re: My Heart is a battleground

If it were tactfully employed slant rhyme, it might be a little more plausible. If.

If.

[devonin]

Re: My Heart is a battleground

Actually, tease and cease rhyme.

tease = teez
cease = seese

You're maybe confusing cease for sieze?

[arsonistsgetallthegirls]

Re: My Heart is a battleground

That sucks, my heart is a muscular pump used to circulate blood...