Re: as i take my last breath-my poem
all of you jerks need to either give constructive criticism or gtfo. poems can be written any way the writer wants them to be written.
anyway.
what you have here is an idea that could be expanded upon. first and foremost and id try to use lines to separate your ideas. try using metaphors to show your reader what you're talking about instead of just telling them. for example, you might use some object that relates to "the thing you hate" to cut yourself open and lose yourself in some large expanse of water like a sea of shame or something. that's another thing, just because you don't want to be obvious in saying what's causing you to cut yourself doesn't mean you have to not even hint at it.
Once you've done these things you can move on to rhyming, and meter and things people might expect of a poem. What's important is that you have an idea unlike the fools that make fun of you here.
-Chaz
all of you jerks need to either give constructive criticism or gtfo. poems can be written any way the writer wants them to be written.
anyway.
what you have here is an idea that could be expanded upon. first and foremost and id try to use lines to separate your ideas. try using metaphors to show your reader what you're talking about instead of just telling them. for example, you might use some object that relates to "the thing you hate" to cut yourself open and lose yourself in some large expanse of water like a sea of shame or something. that's another thing, just because you don't want to be obvious in saying what's causing you to cut yourself doesn't mean you have to not even hint at it.
Once you've done these things you can move on to rhyming, and meter and things people might expect of a poem. What's important is that you have an idea unlike the fools that make fun of you here.
-Chaz
Comment