My poem

[Wintergreen]

Re: My poem

This poem makes sense to no one but the poor bastard who wrote it. This is fine if a poem is written entirely for the self, but if there's any intended audience (and I presume so, as you've posted it here for eyes other than your own) then this renders the entire poem useless. Good poetry will pull the audience in and allow them to experience what the author's experienced, see what the author's seen, understand what the author's understood. Even the most astute and poetically experienced reader would have trouble with this poem. It fails. :P

P.S.
Someone famous once said that a person should work on a poem in solitude for a month before daring to show it to anyone. I whole-heartedly agree and hope you take the advice to heart. Without exception, everyone's first poem sucks. Don't be a dick about well meant criticism. =]

[ShastaTwist]

Re: My poem

Pleasure kills the eyes of blurry mens
feet.

Feet don't have eyes.


The reason nobody understands this poem is because all the "symbolism" you used is purely your symbolism. Since it is your symbolism and not ours, it is hard for us to understand what you mean. Also, it's very vague, you would have to study this for hours to even get a grasp on one line.

[imajrockette]

Re: My poem

foget about the others dude.espcially that tozic jerk.anyway the poem was pretty good and since it was your first attempt frekin awome lol.im serious thoughh i kind of like it.it was alittle confusing but i get where your coming from ^^.

plus if they dont like it then to bad people bash my poems alot anyway.i love the end part alot .

[xObserveRx]

Re: My poem

**** Tokzic, when did you suddenly decide to start owning everyone?

[fido123]

Re: My poem

I agree with Tokzic...you did just put down as many words that do in fact sound rather deep but really mean nothing. It's a good attempt but obviously Tokzic is being a bit critical speaking as if your a professional. Keep trying but take the criticism and find symbolism that makes sense.

[lord_carbo]

Re: My poem

My friend says you need to be on acid to understand the symbolism in Joanna Newsom's lyrics, and I disagree. I say it's impossible no matter what you're on. But she's still really cool.

As for this poem... completely random. No underlying theme for the metaphors, and the metaphors... well, they don't mean anything. You cannot scrawl down haphazard tripe and call it deep. Deepness is in the eyes of the beholder. Try a little and you'll feign a lot of it. Try too hard and you'll end up with nothing. And always reread what you write, not once but twice.

Edit: That above rule only applies if you're not a really, really good writer. And I mean REALLY good. Because I'm really sure really good writers don't need MY advice. Really, they're fine on their own, which is what makes them really good.