Re: This is going to make alot of people happy.
Yeah, no problem.
Yeah, no problem.
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Re: This is going to make alot of people happy.
tl;dr
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Re: This is going to make alot of people happy.
I got bored within the first paragraph. I'm sorry, but the grammar and the punctuation isn't the best. I know, I might be harsh, but at least I'm being honest. A tip for the future! DO NOT START A SENTENCE WITH BUT!!!! Try working with the word "however". Usually this word is followed by a comma.
Still, for a beginner, I believe it's good. How long have you been working on this? Just wondering. I've been working on my piece for a few years and I just can't get past page 67...sigpic
The world has gone crazy and so have I.
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Re: This is going to make alot of people happy.
Actually, I started it probably 2 years or so back but I havent worked on it for over a year though.Comment
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Re: This is going to make alot of people happy.
rofl, if you're going to lecture on grammar, have a bit of knowledge relating to the topic at hand.
You mention his grammar and punctuation not being the best, and then your very next sentence shows a complete lack of understanding of comma use: "I know, I might be harsh, but at least I'm being honest." Let's discuss the problem here so you never make that mistake again. Surrounding a clause with commas signify that the contained clause is extra information that is not in itself essential. The best way to tell if containing commas are appropriate is to remove the clause you've surrounded by commas and checking that the sentence still makes sense. "I know but at least I'm being honest" doesn't pass this test. The only proper use of commas in this sentence is directly following harsh, separating the two distinct parts of your sentence.
The only reason he would have to shy away from using the word "but" to begin a sentence would be if he was shying away from using incomplete sentences. Incomplete sentences may not be proper in a term paper but in casual writing, the author can employ them as he sees fit. Look at the works of any famous writer or poet and tell me you do not find any sentences that are incomplete. Additionally, if you're looking to criticize for incomplete sentences, I would like you to tell me the subject and verb in the sentence "A tip for the future!"
I know this might seem harsh, but at least I'm being honest.Last edited by mead1; 08-28-2007, 10:55 AM.Comment
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Re: This is going to make alot of people happy.
fucking ruined
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Re: This is going to make alot of people happy.
ps let's not forget about multiple exclamation marks which is never grammatically correct
oh and "however" is no more correct than any other conjunction
it's the same amount of correctness as using "but"Comment
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Re: This is going to make alot of people happy.
Holy ****, that physically stung to read.
And...and I need a high five.
Must...control...hand...and...self-narration...
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Re: This is going to make alot of people happy.
Hmm... Speaking of punctuation.
In any case, yes, some of the punctuation in your dialogue is completely wrong. In some sentences, you don't even use punctuation, just quotation marks. Don't forget to use commas or periods at the end of sentences before the quotation mark.
Some of the things that happen in this story are a little hard for me to believe. I'm not saying that in relation to this being a fantasy story and omgzsagesdon'texist but, rather, she told him how his parents died and he cried for a bit and then, a few sentences later, he says, "Awesome!" and everything is fine. I don't think that's how I would take the death of my parents.Comment
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Re: This is going to make alot of people happy.
Hmm that is true, I do make soem random jumps of emotion and events without enough time or something else in between to help make that change more realistic. And dialogue grammer has always been one of my weak points in grammer, hence the original copy having no dialogue. So, at one point I'll have to work on that, unless someone would like to work as an editor for grammer...possibly.Comment
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Re: This is going to make alot of people happy.
Don't worry too much about your grammar. I only ripped that guy up because he was being a hypocritical douche. Grammar is mostly bull****. All the experts and style guides issue different rules. You can pretty much justify any choice you make. As long as it's understandable, nobody will really care.Comment
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Re: This is going to make alot of people happy.
Well, thanks for rippin him up and I know, grammer to me, is pretty much OK as long as it isnt PATHETIC and as long as the majority of people can understand what is written and hopefully my work isn't like that. I still wil probably work on it, for the sake of all the people who like to see "correct" grammer. Though, I think alot of the grammer rules in the English language are BS anyways, and most people would probably agree that the language has so many pointless rules anyways.Comment
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Re: This is going to make alot of people happy.
Ooooo!!! Fun, fun! It's really hard to keep a storyline going when you have writer's block and no computer to write the story on anymore... I have carpal tunnel so I can't write it by hand without being in some sort of pain about a half a page into it.
Good luck with your story! "He comes from the Irwant Forest". I noticed the rest of your story is in past tense. Just a piece of advice my English teacher gave me on story writing: Stay in one tense! I used to write just like you, actually. It gets better with time! Remember to proof-read and edit. That helps a lot! ^-^sigpic
The world has gone crazy and so have I. Comment
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