Stories

[GuidoHunter]

For those of you who haven't visited the site to which I've posted a link nearly fifteen hundred times, here:

http://andy.mikee385.com/DrewdeathE.htm

And:

http://andy.mikee385.com/Rose.htm

I've about a dozen more stories written in the same style, but these are my best ones (not to mention my longest). Since they're long, I decided to link so that you'll have a full page width to read them and so you don't have to scroll through this page forever.

I swear I actually have some writing talent, as I've written other things too (see the site for some examples), but this is where my creativity lies. Point of note: "Rose" was written in middle school, "Drew" in my junior year of high school.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com

[psychic25]

“I like to think of our lives as a sonnet. In a sonnet there are a set of rules such as 10 syllables to a line, 14 lines, and you must you iambic pentameter. Correct?”
“Yes sir.”
“But within the confines of those rules, you can say or do whatever you want. I like to think of life as being like that. There are certain things that we must do while in our lifetime, but other than that we can live it how we please.”

I KNOW you took this from somewhere. I've seen this before in a book. I just can't remember where...

EDIT: Google search: HA! It's from A Wrinkle in Time!

[MalReynolds]

So, in addition to the storyline being weak, the dull charachters and contrived literary devices, you also plagerized?

-10 Respect.

Mal

[psychic25]

I really hope that one of the "conditions" your story had to meet was that it had to include a philosophical idea from A Wrinkle in Time...

If not, that's just lame. At least you paraphrased it :P

Here's from the book:

"Oh, I know. In your language you have a form of poetry called the sonnet... There are fourteen lines, I believe, all in iambic pentameter. That's a very strict rhythm or meter, yes?... And each line has to end with a rigid rhyme pattern. And if the poet does not do it exactly this way, it is not a sonnet, is it?... But within this strict form the poet has complete freedom to say whatever he wants, doesn't he?"

"So what?"

"Oh, do not be stupid, boy!" Mrs. Whatsit scolded. "You know perfectly well what I am driving at!"

"You mean you're comparing our lives to a sonnet? A strict form, but freedom within it?"

"Yes. You're given the form, but you have to write the sonnet yourself. What you say is completely up to you."

That's very odd how that passage and your passage are so STRIKINGLY similar. Again, I really hope that was part of your school assignment.

[xiron]

geez... I feel stupid... i really didn't mean to. and i know it sucked. forgive me for my stupidity.

[Torlock]

The interesting charachter was Allister.



Also, don't make the main charachter so naive as to the words Allister says.

You spelled character wrong.

[MalReynolds]

And here I was, hoping for criticsm on my story, or perhaps something to help Xiron with his. Tahnk Uyo rfo pntoiing uot my spleling mystakes.

Go to hell =D

Mal

[psychic25]

xiron, does that mean that you did it subconsciously, or that you came up with the whole "sonnet" thing on your own?

And please don't flame in here... I want to keep this open.

[MalReynolds]

I want to keep this open, too. But pointless posting is what get's a topic closed, and that's exactly what Torlock did.

Anyway, I'm creating another thread for another short play I just wrote.

Mal

[Torlock]

I apologize Mal. I'm one of those people who reads the newspaper just to find typos. I went back and read your story. I thought that it was pretty well written, and really captured my attention. I really enjoyed the use of weight to tell how many bullets the narrator had left.

[xiron]

It was subconcious. I read a hell of a lot of different things, and all of the ideas are just kind of jumbled together in my head. It becomes hard to destinguish my own ideas from those of others. Again, I apologize.

[MalReynolds]

Basics: You reused some of your adjective within one or two sentences of each other, and some of your descriptive sentences ran on a bit, although that wasn't a problem for me... Some of the sentences were just overly long.

Advanced: Where was it? The story? All I read was about the narrator having sex with someone. It was like watching soft core porn in text format. There was no conflict, or charachterazation. I mean, I know it was probably written for someone, which is cool and all because maybe they get it a little better than I do, but it just didn't have much of a point. It just started, sex, ended. It lacked the real interest that is spurned by "Dear Playboy, I never thought I'd tell anyone this, but..." letters, which I know are trashy, but at least they have some kind of substance, ya know? This story is the definition of superfelous... Sorry, bud. I mean, the "I love you," was nice, but I had no idea who or what he was talking to. Could have been to a stuffed bear that he just had sex with. Nice touch with the "I love you," but I didn't love it.

There were some good points: Your descriptions were really really well done. I enjoyed reading about her eyes and such. The way it was written was very nice, and I like your writing style a lot. Keep it up.

Mal

[Spheroid]

So who thinks there should be a forum for stories/writing instead of sharing it with CT. It would encourge more people to post their stories (like this thread), but would also get them reviews on their writing (unlike this thread). Alain started a topic on this a few days back. If you have an opinion on this, post it in this link: http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/...wtopic&t=26012