- offset’s fine
- 10.924: should be 16ths
- 20.781/20.952: missing 16ths
- 21.381: 32nds are appropriate here, but it might be worth mentioning that the rhythm is actually a bit more finer than just five 32nds and you have the opportunity to separate this particular burst out with a proper rhythm
- 26.181: missing jump
- 32.352: should be a single
- 36.981: if this flam is changed to a UL, it’s correct for pitch relevance and allows you to end with a D to properly handle the change in the melody
- 40.238: either make this a single, or add the missing jumps for other kicks
- 44.009 to 1:05.609: the patterning for the guitar and following the repeated notes could be visibly better in a few spots (not limited to: 44.009 should have one of the three notes from the triple repeated and the third note should be chained as well for three repeated notes, 44.524/44.695 could be reversed in PR with better triple placement, 48.981 should not be chained to the repeating D, 51.209 should not be chained to the repeated D, etc). Your structure is quite heavy, so it’s not the easiest thing in the world, but it’s certainly doable.
- 1:05.438: should be a jump
- 1:05.609 to 1:22.409: the 24th trilling is a clever concept and I credit you for being brave enough to consider it -- however, outside of the trills, the section is inordinately light -- there’s no accentuation for the continued percussion that remains loudly within the soundscape; the section might look a little better with the jumps for kicks/snares outside of the trills (it’s understandable to omit the jumps in the trills given the general concept)
- be very careful with transitions in the 24ths, 1:21.895 is quite uncomfortable as a result of the UR
- 1:10.409/1:16.409/1:21.895: all three of these times are instances where the melody plays consecutive 8th notes -- the first instance doesn’t have them connected, the second instance has them connected and plays a deep guitar on those particular notes, and the third instance is musically similar to the first one; there’s not a consistency in representation in the concept
- 1:23.781: should be a repeated note for the kick (attach to D and change the jump after if necessary)
- 1:27.895 to 1:49.495: approximately 95% of this is copy-pasted from the 44.009 to 1:05.609 section, so similar errors apply
- 1:49.495 to 2:11.781: similar situation with the trills and the section kinda feeling comparatively underlayered; representation of the melody is inconsistent with some trills being shorter than they should be (1:52.581, 2:03.552), and others being connected while others aren’t
- idea is somewhat creative, but the execution isn’t there