Should I keep it going?

[xXFFR_EliteXx]

Thief

Samuels property, London, 2007
I smashed the window with my gloved fist to the Samuels garage, reaching my hand into the broken window, cutting my arm on the jagged glass.
“Damnit!” I grunted.
I grabbed onto the door handle and turned it. The door swung open with a creak, making me flinch. I turned around, and that’s when I saw the flashlight. I cursed again, and ran for the van. Only on my way to the van I noticed, that there wasn’t a van.
“Those little bastards took off without me!” I muttered.
I jumped over the bushes dividing the Samuels from their neighbors. And dived into the open window of the Samuels neighbors car. I finally took time to look around. The person holding the flashlight must have not noticed me because I didn’t see them anymore. Then I got the voice in my earpiece.
“Get back to base now, Skye! I don’t know what happened, the Samuels weren’t supposed to be home. And your team leaving on you, there not going to hear the last of this!”
“I told you not to call me Skye!, my real name is Josh!” I replied.
“I’m going to call you Skye, you work for me I’m calling you what I’m supposed to!” Boss retorted.
“What ever, I’ve got this car hotwired, I’ll be there in 5.”

Milbank, London, SW1P 4RG
“Hi I’m Shelly, how may I help you?” The bank teller asked.
I showed her my thief’s badge and she opened the desk and let me in to the bank.
The Milbank in London was our headquarters. We try to stay low. Who would think that a thief’s organization would have headquarters in a bank?
I walked into
the boss’s office and through down my headpiece on her desk.
“I quit,” I say, “I quit! When you get some trustworthy people who wont ditch on me when I’m on a job.”
“I’m sorry those agents have been taken care of, permanently” she replied.
“I don’t care, I’m gone.”
“You know what happens to agents who quit.” boss said.
“Yeah, but its not gonna happen to me!” I say as I pull out my gun and point it right at her head.
“Are you really gonna shoot that gun?” she asked calmly.
I ignore her, “If you loose a few guards, you can blame me.”
“I don’t think so skye.” She says.
“My names Josh!” I say and pull the trigger.
Now I’m running through the agency nobody knows that the Chief’s dead yet. But they’ll pick up on it soon. By the time I get to the guards, I see them listening through there earpieces. When I get to them they look up at me they pull there guns.
“I’m sorry we cant let you pass. The chief has been shot and no one leaves the building, I’m sorry but-”
“I shot the chief,” I interrupted pointing my gun at the first guard and shooting.
Then while the other guard was shocked at what I had done, I grab his key card and swipe the door. And I’m out of there.

Should I keep going with it or ditch it on the spot?

[igotrhythm]

Whoa, intense. Definitely continue. Maybe after he gets away, the organization either erupts in civil war or finds a new Chief. In either case, he's going to have to gun down those he used to call friends.

Good luck with that story of yours.

[blackbuterfly451]

Keep on going! You have a pretty good start.

I would personally change some of the wording around and fix some grammatical errors, but other than that you should stay with what you have and build off of it. There are a lot of ways you could go with this beginning and I'm curious to see what happens.

Don't be afraid to post more of the story if you stick with it!

[GamerShadow]

Needs major improvement. The plot is fine and dandy, but you need to seriously work on describing things. What does their headquarters look like? The chief? Josh? Add to the mood and feel of the situation by describing their facial expressions, what they feel, how they can hear their heart thumping in their ears if they're that nervous. If there's killing, mention the blood spilling all over the floor and the bullet wound from the gun.

Also, try to edit for spelling, grammar, and the like. I noticed a few mistakes in there simply when skimming it over.

If you continue writing in that bare bones format, it won't even be worth looking over, but work on it with several revisions, and you could have quite the interesting story.

[xXFFR_EliteXx]

Cool, thanks guys.

[Netjet!]

The wording needs work, and some of the grammar is a bit off, but I love it! Sounds like GotR or something. So awesome dude. Keep it up.