My depersonalization over the last year

[Spenner]

Originally Posted by XXXsmittyXXX

I'm just going to be completely drug free right now i heard kratom can become addicting in itself. I used to see empty kratom packages all over the bonsai parking lot as well as empty Co2 cartridges.



Haha when i got my tonsils removed i had like 5 refill scripts for liquid opiates. Some sort of codeine. Was a bitch to kick but nowhere near what i still feel from herbal incense. I still smoke cigarettes now but it's like the desire has just left i don't even want to smoke much anymore i just want to smoke spice.



And an overall update, Yeah i still just want to smoke synthetics i think about it all the time. Last night was fun though i bought some lego ninjago sets for kid and he was so happy lol that made me feel good and his mom was like "that's the nicest thing anyone else has ever done for him in so long" and she cried a bit. He's so smart they are already assembled.. like wtf. :'P I feel like i want to abuse more when i'm alone i hope that goes away because i can't always be with people.
Still sober and eating a sausage biscuit. Lets go broncos lets go!

Good to hear about the lego set, kids fucking love those (I know I did, was the best thing ever). The mental part of the battle is in your hands, and I think you can do a good job at confronting temptation and giving it a big cold shove.

ps: headshop kratom likely has synthetic drugs or at least a super high extract of the main alkaloids, and is generally shit quality; judging on the fact that you see those cartridges laying around (those are nitrous cartridges) it's kids/teenagers getting a legal buzz with whatever means they can. That is really sad to see actually. Butye, I'm definitely with you on the drug-free end of thing. Before you do anything that has psychoactive properties just take a moment to reflect and imagine the consequences of doing so later on.

The withdrawl seems rough, I think there's definitely some residual depersonalization that will remain there until you are really at your peak performance. The dissociated phase is grounds for symptoms of many other things (mood swings, irrational anxieties, twisted perceptions), like I've mentioned before, if you disconnect yourself from those, and pretend it's almost like your mind is watching a movie, it shouldn't be too hard to remember it's an effect that is not you, yourself doing.

A lot of people act on irrational compulsions because they cannot tell themselves that it is not them who wishes to do x and x, but they tend to give a description of a more schizophrenic outline (despite whether or not it is. They might be a very strongly faithed person and think it is a God who is generating the irrational thoughts).

Anyhow no need for me to ramble about that too much because your head seems to be good and well, but practising sorting through the bad thoughts and trying to get rid of them is always good, and/or reshaping them into positive ones.

[XXXsmittyXXX]

Originally Posted by dAnceguy117

you can be with people a lot of the time, though. sounds like you're doing that about as much as possible already, which should be a great thing. I'd say look for any opportunity to replace time alone with time spent around people.



good choice & good choice

Yeah i'm still spending a lot of time with people definitely my friends and my gf when she gets off work. It's cool getting her son on the bus each morning it's an extra responsibility that i need right now it's just tough when there is idle time like right now. Finding more to do is on my priorities list still. haha i love sausage buscuits only the buttermilk kind though not jimmy dean.

Originally Posted by Spenner

Good to hear about the lego set, kids fucking love those (I know I did, was the best thing ever). The mental part of the battle is in your hands, and I think you can do a good job at confronting temptation and giving it a big cold shove.

ps: headshop kratom likely has synthetic drugs or at least a super high extract of the main alkaloids, and is generally shit quality; judging on the fact that you see those cartridges laying around (those are nitrous cartridges) it's kids/teenagers getting a legal buzz with whatever means they can. That is really sad to see actually. Butye, I'm definitely with you on the drug-free end of thing. Before you do anything that has psychoactive properties just take a moment to reflect and imagine the consequences of doing so later on.

The withdrawl seems rough, I think there's definitely some residual depersonalization that will remain there until you are really at your peak performance. The dissociated phase is grounds for symptoms of many other things (mood swings, irrational anxieties, twisted perceptions), like I've mentioned before, if you disconnect yourself from those, and pretend it's almost like your mind is watching a movie, it shouldn't be too hard to remember it's an effect that is not you, yourself doing.

A lot of people act on irrational compulsions because they cannot tell themselves that it is not them who wishes to do x and x, but they tend to give a description of a more schizophrenic outline (despite whether or not it is. They might be a very strongly faithed person and think it is a God who is generating the irrational thoughts).

Anyhow no need for me to ramble about that too much because your head seems to be good and well, but practising sorting through the bad thoughts and trying to get rid of them is always good, and/or reshaping them into positive ones.

Yeah man i had a lot of legos when i was young it's all i did was play legos and draw. He seems obsessed with them for right now so i didn't mind buying that. His mom says as long as he is off the mindcrack she's content. I constantly told her he seemed a little young for mindcraft so she took away his kindle and bought the wii. Addictions man!
And yeah i'm staying away from that kratom i definitely feel a bit of depersonalization lingering and cloudy thinking off and on still wondering when it's going to fade completely. Just keeping busy with anything and everything i can.

Thank you dore and welsh girl hangin in there.



Little update. Eating better but still thinking about herbal incense the same amount. I tried to talk to high tyde yesterday night and he thought i was a police officer and didnt want to say anything.. so i wasted 2 dollars on a bridge toll, not ever going back there. It's official that whatever is going on there is just downright illegal right now so nothing else to say about that.
Staying busy with drawing and reading a bit. I bought 'Xenocide' by orson scott card. Pretty good so far third book in the Ender's game series if anyone wants to read. My cigarette consumption has dropped to like 10 cigs a day which is insane and my breathing is getting better.
Spice makes you cough up black and green shit and that stopped as well. The health improvements are making me feel so good physically but i still want to abuse inside. Maybe treatment can help me really get to the bottom of why that feeling is there. Going to check out the center tomorrow and make sure they offer a good well-balanced program.