Definition of "Cheating" in relationships

[Kiani_cc]

Oni,

We do that kind of greeting here is hawaii so that is why I wanted to ask people (not from hawaii) what cheating is because kissing another person on the cheek or hugging them is just a way of saying hello. But of course, you can tell if it is going out of hand.

[Cavernio]

Originally Posted by Reincarnate

Which is why I generally say "if you wouldn't do it with them watching, don't do it period" is a good rule of thumb to live by if you want to avoid trouble.

I strongly suspect that my bf could/does get jealous from small, fairly innocuous things like smiling at a guy. Heck, I feel guilty for doing something like that if I'm actually attracted to the guy, whether my bf's present or not. However, I'm also fairly certain that he thinks that to actively get upset over something like that is not acceptable. Some people get jealous merely when their bf/gf talks to someone else of the opposite sex (or same sex depending on sexuality of the bf/gf). For such a relationship, I really think that the person who is jealous must let go as best they can. It is wrong of the jealous party to expect the other person to limit their social interactions so much so as to not have them speak to people.

I'm also not comfortable having personal conversations with another guy if my bf is present, (partially due to jealousy/reasons) but I also think its ok for me to have those close friendships with other guys as long as they're platonic. (I have to emphasize that I think north american society thinks that way too, and it's not just me. My personal views about cheating are very, very loose.) There've been situations where I actually go and spend some alone time with guy friends specifically because my bf knows he'll get jealous or get in the way of things, and because he'll be happier not being there. But at the same time he trusts me not to cheat and acknowledges that his jealousy isn't a good judge of what he should see as cheating or not.

Of course, all that said, the thread's also been full of 'physical' cheating, and I am slightly hypocritical. Personally, I don't think I would much care that my bf might be having a physical relationship with someone else so much that it means that for him to do so, he would be spending his time with her and not me. I've in fact been most jealous of a relationship my bf has with one of his male friends, and my bf is not gay or bi.

But I feel like I'm only slightly hypocritical because I in no way, shape or form think my bf should stop having a strong relationship with his friend. The jealousy is a feeling I can't control.

On a side note, I recall studies done that show that women are much more likely to care when their partner has an emotional relationship with someone, and men are much more likely to care about a physical one.

Whether it's cheating or not doesn't just boil down to jealousy and individual feelings, but also to societal and invidivual values, and the two people involved.

Personally, at this point in my life with no kids in the picture, and if my bf would want it, I'd be all for an 'open' relationship. But he doesn't want that, and so I have to respect that. That is a choice I make for being in a relationship with him. All the same, my bf knows me too well and I think it weighs on him sometimes, because he feels like he's holding me back from things which I want, and he wants me to be happy. Even though I'm committed to him. (Of course, this applies to things beyond just relationships.) There's almost a fundamental difference between me and him along these lines actually; he doesn't understand the desire to ever want to be with someone else if you're with someone you love, while I don't really understand why, beyond the lines of responsibility, you'd ever want to limit the relationships you can have. It kinda sucks.

[reuben_tate]

Originally Posted by Kiani_cc

Oni,

We do that kind of greeting here is hawaii so that is why I wanted to ask people (not from hawaii) what cheating is because kissing another person on the cheek or hugging them is just a way of saying hello. But of course, you can tell if it is going out of hand.

Yeah here in Hawaii, hugs and sometimes pecks on the cheek are a usual way to greet people in Hawaii. This brings up the fact there are cultural differences when it comes to what is considered cheating and what is not. I mean, come to think about it, doesn't it seem strange that the exchanging of saliva (aka kissing) has some arbitrary meaning associated with affection in our society. This is something that our society has pulled meaning out of, since it has no actual meaning when pulled out of cultural and societal contexts.

Because of this, it is the responsibility for both people in the relationship to talk to each other about their cultural differences. Perhaps they can settle to some middle ground or maybe both people in the relationship can just accept the cultural differences of the other person and go along with it. I myself, based on the cultural context in which I was brought up in, think that having sex with another person is an automatic flag up for cheating. But hey, nature's intentions for sex was to reproduce, the fact that we tied it with affection and intimacy is our own society's fault.

[uijeongbu]

It's all a matter of several factors including personal beliefs (culture) and combined beliefs of both parties (agreed parameters/restraints).

My definition of "cheating" is any act (physical, social, mental, verbal, gesture-oriented, etc.) that has an impure intent towards another individual regardless of sex.


TIDBIT: I consider flirting with someone (besides the significant other) a form of cheating.

[Vanilla Mnm]

I've been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half now, and honestly, I don't care if she 'cheats' on me. But I wouldn't consider it 'cheating' because I'm okay with it. When I talk to other people about it, cause no one agrees with me, I get things like 'you don't take your relationship serious enough' or 'you don't feel the way you should about her', which is completely untrue. The only thing I want her to be is happy, and if she wants to do something, then I want her to do it. I just want her to do whatever she wants to do in life, and sex (and other things) is a part of life. Why does cheating bother so many people? I have full confidence that she will still want to be with me. The things that bother me are when people do things to her like slap her ass, grab her boobs, stupid things like that. Those are the types of things that come off as she doesn't exactly want it because I don't know any girl who wants random guys slapping there ass in school (or anywhere else, it just happens most in school) all the time. It comes off as something she doesn't want, cause she doesn't tell anyone to do it, they just do it, which makes me mad.

And the weirdest thing about this is, I'm a really jealous person when it comes to her. I hate when she has guy friends to be honest, even though I know I shouldn't care.

I don't get bothered when she calls other guys hot, cute, anything, cause I know for a fact she wants to be with me over them. Also, basically, I'm best friends with her, and I know with my best friends, if we say a girl is hot then usually we disagree or agree and guys do the same. It's not like just because I'm dating someone means I don't find any other girl 'hot'. So I don't mind when she thinks other guys are hot or cute and tells me.

She's never cheated on me, and says she never will even with the way I feel about her, but I tell her if there's ever a time she wants to, don't feel the need to hold back if that's what you want to do. I know a lot of people will say 'wait until it actually happens', but I really know how I'll feel about it. I've been cheated on before by girls I've dated for almost a year, and it didn't bother me, as long as they tell me right after and I know about it. Because then if I find out on my own, they hid it from me and didn't want me knowing, which then is considered cheating.


I just wokeup & I know I overused commas & had a ton of run-on sentences that probably didn't make sense, but that's just my opinion on the whole cheating thing.

EDIT: Also, my profile picture is not of me or my girlfriend. It's of my two friends that dated for like a couple days & I found it really funny and still ask them about there relationship even though they don't ever talk to each other anymore.

[xferrarix]

Well I'm no dating expert but if a boyfriend does something either in the intent (or not a complete intent) doing something that knows it will hurt his girlfriend then it's cheating

I mean, I'm not saying that he hurts his girlfriend by doing something he knows she hates. Only about the cheating.

I've had many problems in the past with girlfriends and "cheating". From just a kiss to talking to another guy too often, I considered them both cheating. Sex is the biggest form of cheating, and I have never had any bit of leniency about that. I'm a bit apologetic, so if a girl did something that hurt me that much and she apologizes and all that I move on. Not from her and I's relationship, but whatever happened. As long as it wasn't too extreme (ie sex, make out, oral). Any of those three and I'm always no matter what completely done, and that's an aspect of my personality that has never changed since the first girlfriend I've ever had

[Cavernio]

Originally Posted by xferrarix

Well I'm no dating expert but if a boyfriend does something either in the intent (or not a complete intent) doing something that knows it will hurt his girlfriend then it's cheating

So if I get jealous when my bf talks to another male friend when both of them are far from gay, such that I think he's happier hanging out with him than me or connects with him on some level that I'm not sure I have with him, then your rules would say that he's cheating on me. Do you really believe that?

"My definition of "cheating" is any act (physical, social, mental, verbal, gesture-oriented, etc.) that has an impure intent towards another individual regardless of sex."

What's 'impure intent'? Romantic intent? Thinking about sex while doing it? What about finding the person interesting and wanting to get to know them? What about thinking about comforting them, or actually comforting them?

I agree with vanilla.

Ownership of a person outside of a child-parent relationship where the child depends on the parent seems wrong. (Of course, the whole idea of 'ownership' rubs me the wrong way for many things anyways, but that's another topic.)

[cornmaker]

cheating is losing or breaking the interest, trust, friendship, relationship and many things.

[Mau5]

Physical contact and flirting let alone excessive flirting
One of the harshest forms of disrespect.

[fido123]

Personally I think it's up to each couple to come up with their own conditions for what's cheating or not. It's a case-by-case thing, not really a something that's black and white. The fact we even want a relationship with somebody else is something biologically driven, and isn't really something we do out of rationality. Some relationships can be totally open, some can be closed, and some can be somewhere in-between. It's completely up to what both partners are comfortable with. Personally I'd want something closed. No kissing, nothing more than mild flirting, just nothing that would make me uneasy.

[Reincarnate]

Again I think the best metric for almost every single case is "If I wouldn't do X in front of my significant other, X may be considered cheating"

[Tarlis]

OK my definition of cheating in relationships is if you don't show respect(love) for you spouse in the conditions in the relationship. Also in doing that you show affection to another when you bf and gf is not present, now, if you;re the kind of person that says you polyamourous, then that rule should be discussed. But should include if you going to have sex, put on a condom before you do it, practice safe sex. Or something more ot that nature of responsibility.

Also my thing is, since I'm not monogamous, and I like it no restrictive boundaries but boundaries of safety much be taken account personally and emotionally. In any relationship needs it's limits of that emotional healthy communication.

In poly-amoury you need LOTS OF COMMUNICATION.

[kommisar]

it's all a thing of comfort with each other.

I've had friends that are girls whilst in a relationship and she'd tell me when I was going too far.

In French culture people would give kisses as a greeting but that's just customary. I guess there's a difference between that and a lustful kiss.

It's just a matter of communication. I personally wouldn't really want any sort of intimate contact going on with my partner and someone else.

[customstuff]

I think if you're going to bother being in a committed relationship with someone, you really should be committed. If my girlfriend held hands with another guy I'd be pretty upset, therefore I avoid holding hands with another girl. Any legitimate interest towards another person seems like cheating to me. I feel uncomfortable if a girlfriend of mine said another guy was attractive. It is dependent on the relationship though. You just need to discuss both of your opinions and do your best to follow them. I'm lucky enough to actually have a loyal girlfriend now. One of the best feelings in the world is feeling that person only loves you (apart from family and friends; that's a different kind of love).

[Cavernio]

Committed relationships were at one point in our culture things of marriages, not for teenagers.

[Mollocephalus]

Cheating is entirely subjective and there is a lot of stuff going, especially in older couples. Cross exchange and sex parties are more frequent than you might think. There are a lot of places where you can go and have sexual approaches with strangers who are members of the club. All in all, it all comes down to the mutual decision of what is a "game" and what is actually cheating.

However, my own personal view of things is that our mind is not made so we are tied by a single one. This is a way of being we force on our nature due to the way our society is structured. Therefore, i am very lenient and i think "cheating" physically is just part of human nature, feeling attraction for others is normal and it can happen to slip down on that side a little. On the other hand, in a relationship where there is a strong emotive affection, physical betrayal can become harder to understand. I restrain myself from some people i know i have a thing for, cause my intent is to respect my counterpart. What's more important, in a relationship like that, feeling psychological/emotive attraction for someone else is the real cheating. That's in my own opinion, the only really inexcusable thing in a high-level relationship.

[qqwref]

I agree with Rubix's perspective. Also, I would point out that the concept of cheating is based on trust. Being in a relationship means you have to trust each other to be faithful, and cheating breaks that trust. What defines cheating is not the act itself, but the fact that it goes past the boundaries you have decided on.

[jamgo]

Cheating is cheating.

[xNiX]

Nice bump bro.

[Ohaider]

Originally Posted by xNiX

Nice bump bro.

Rofl this is Critical Thinking, this thread was prolly like 9th or 10th down on the first page beyond stickies