Thinking about suicide

[Candor]

With Virtual Reality coming so quickly, were approaching a golden age of gaming :C
It will be a shame to leave so early

[xomegaxweapon]

Originally Posted by Rapta

I know I said I pretty much stopped playing FFR but the osu community isn't as caring as this one and I just want to say this before I do it. I'm really close to stabbing myself.

Life is not an easy journey, but you've made it this far, why give up now?

Like everyone has said.. the pain doesn't stop, its selfish.. and basically doesn't prove anyone, anything.. even though you have this heavy, godforsaken horrible feeling inside, most of the people that have gone through similar or worse (not dead, but hospitalized) will know.. if you're really feeling concerned or having dark thoughts, just tell ANY member of your family or close family... luckily I had my family nearby... it could of ended differently..

and if you want to private message me or anyone else with anything, do it
not all of us are out there to give the "correct" advice... remember, In this unfair world there IS someone out there that gives a shit!

Keep us updated and of course, best of luck ahead!

[Ocelot12309]

I know we've never spoken, but suicide is one of the worst things you can do to stop the pain. If you can, find another way to get your mind off things and try not to feed any trolls.

[Vaeltaja]

Hey, I got through this period too.
Really painful.
Things should get better with time, I hope.
Don't stay alone, talk to someone, express your pain, your feelings.
There are so many things that will keep you alive.
Never give up.

[DossarLX ODI]

Rapta, I remember the conversations we had concerning your issues. You mentioned picking up Python as a programming language to start learning some coding concepts such as iteration, variables, etc. the crucial step is to look at your situation and see what's in your control.

Something I need to clear up right away is that if someone isn't responding, it doesn't mean that you are meaningless -- nor does it mean that the person sees you as inferior or not worth the time. However, I'm going to be blunt about telling you that you need to start taking the initiative to assemble the details of your issues to see what different approach you can take.

You are a problem solver and have considerable thinking skills. Use that to your advantage -- seriously, take the initiative to start up a conversation yourself with the people around you. Ask questions. Observe the reactions you receive and think about why people might see you that way. Observe your responses and what reactions they give.

Anxiety gets incredibly difficult when it turns into a physical problem (I've been to the emergency room from a panic attack before). Learn about how your mind and body react to certain things. You've had enough time to put patterns together, and there is a community of people here to help you. If someone is busy and doesn't respond, again, it doesn't mean that person thinks you are not important. We understand you're distressed and will try helping you, but you also need to initiate change on your part.

Originally Posted by rzr

Suicide doesn't stop the pain

It just passes it on to someone else

Take it from someone who's tried

[psychoangel691]

I really hate when people use the "it's selfish" line. You have no idea what's going on in someone's mind and unless you've been there you really can't judge.

I've had periods of being suicidal on and off for a long time in my life. The last few weeks I've been extremely depressed and have just wanted to die. I never tell people this straight out because it always turns into "you're just seeking attention." It's not like I have any control when these thoughts happen.

Last night/today was one of the worst times in a long time. So I tried just messaging people just to talk normally or anything. Just reinforced that I have no friends anymore so I ended up hurting myself today, something I swore I'd never do again. Even now I'm just sitting alone, oh well.

So I feel ya Rapta, hopefully whatever's ailing you gets better.

[Devilchilly]

Please Rapta, don't do it, I really really mean it.
Like, I never knew you or never talked to you or anything, but please, there ARE people who really cares about you.
Suicide isn't the solution, it doesn't impact only you, but EVERYONE, including the ones you are meaningful to.
Basically, what I'm saying is that you really need to seek help from the people who are close to you. Nothing can't be solved.

[Red Blaster]

I vaguely know your situation, so I'm not going to be able to chime in with life altering advice here, but killing yourself isn't the answer man. I know it's hard going through depression and especially so at the stage in life where you're at, but trust me it does get better - and I'm sure others can vouch for that.

[Rapta]

Originally Posted by psychoangel691

I really hate when people use the "it's selfish" line. You have no idea what's going on in someone's mind and unless you've been there you really can't judge.

Same..

Originally Posted by psychoangel691

The last few weeks I've been extremely depressed and have just wanted to die. It's not like I have any control when these thoughts happen

Same..

Originally Posted by psychoangel691

Last night/today was one of the worst times in a long time. So I tried just messaging people just to talk normally or anything. Just reinforced that I have no friends anymore so.

Same.

I can think as optimistically as I want, but last night it was like I wasn't able to think at all whether what I was doing was good or bad. I can promise not to do it again but I guess I'm becoming so depressed I can't control myself

[Vaeltaja]

Did you tried to see a specialist ?
Psychiatrist ? Psychologist ?
They can help you..

[Rapta]

I'm seeing a psychologist and he has said I should see a psychiatrist but it's been two weeks since my parents said they started looking. Medication feels like the the only hope left.

[Vaeltaja]

Sadly it's sometimes the only hope left.

[dashoe93]

Suicide is not something anyone should do, because the majority of the time, it fails, and when it does, life becomes a hell of a lot worse than it is now. I feel it almost every day, and I've got a few things in mind to be honest, but I don't think I could ever live with consequences if those ever failed. So I'd rather be here in who I am rather than having everyone around me know I've attempted it and am living with a horrible condition that's much more painful than anything I'd ever experience now. I'm an impatient person hoping something good will happen. Whenever something does, just chill and accept it instead of devour it. I've had my fair share of good things that go bad because I got too hopeful and stuff. Just live life. Don't make high standards or expectations, but still have some to look forward to. Bit a ramble, but two cents is some sense.

[_Zenith_]

Rapta, I've read the responses and the OP and I must say, you are too young to consider suicide as an option of escaping reality. You have much ahead of you and much to accomplish and don't consider the negatives in your life greater than the positives because they aren't.

As a person who is slowly killing themselves, heed the advice that others bestowed upon you. You need to find things such as hobbies and other activities that you enjoy, not activities that revolve around negativity and self-deprecation that would lead you to feeling this way.

Please do not feel this way in the future; I hope you have a good road ahead of you and I'm sure you will. Keep talking to professionals and never hold your head down.

[sweet2kill210]

Hey, I know we haven't talked much like others have also said. But I just wanted to say, some of the best advice I've received is to try to stay around positive people because it really helps. I've been there myself like a lot of others also mentioned, but right now this is about you.

It is definitely not easy to keep optimistic when life keeps bringing you down, but hopefully things start looking up for you as they should because it got better for me and others, so who's to say it won't get better for you? Just try to stick around, you'll see! In the meantime, fake it until you make it! (Please note, I am not a professional and therefore my advice may not be the best, thank you).

[L.B.D.D]

play blade and soul
you'll be so busy doing dailies you won't have time for suicide

[choof]

Originally Posted by Rapta

I'm seeing a psychologist and he has said I should see a psychiatrist but it's been two weeks since my parents said they started looking. Medication feels like the the only hope left.

you're still a teenager, correct
medication has the potential to make things worse so if you do get prescribed something and it makes it worse, ask your psychiatrist for new meds immediately

also I would ask your psychiatrist to try something that is not an ssri, or an snri

I've tried a plethora of drugs and the one that's working the best is gabapentin. as opposed to cymbalta, this is a "cleaner" feeling. idk how to describe it exactly but the feeling I get off this is clearer and just overall better than I got from cymbalta

[Azpb Djbread]

Don't do it Man, So many people still care about you.

[Cavernio]

The only reason I'm not dead is because I lack the ability to kill myself.

Once suicide is not an option I started exploring other options. Like accepting that pain is part of reality that you cannot change. Once it's accepted it's easier to manage. Or it's supposed to be. It hurts too much too care it sucks too much to be numb it feels like sometimes.

And it's BS about hurting other people. You're your own person, you're allowed. What you can take though is that other people have felt the way you do, and have survived and have gone on to have many happy experiences in their future. For surely if killing yourself were to cause other people as much unbearable pain as to end their own lives, then there is something not right about our very existence. Life just is. There's no right or wrong of it.

A therapist once told me in an existential discussion that an old celtic (I think) view of life is that we're all trapped in a cave, and if you go outside, a dragon is going to eat you and you die. By adopting such a seemingly heavy view of life you find what really matters to you though. Your values. Do you value justice, truth, respect, love, honor? By having values you can experience pride in yourself when you follow them. This will make you feel good about yourself.

Everything in life is temporary. Knowing this allows you to cherish the good parts and weather the bad ones.

Also weed. but you're still young for that too aren't you? All drugs when you're still maturing until like mid twenties are ify, like choof said.

Antidepressants don't help me through the worst pain. I am trying to find joy in everyday things.

Grief is a natural part of life. It comes with the territory of consciousness.

[AngelPuppy25]

Rapta, you have so many people who care about you.
You still have your whole life ahead of you, we've all had our rough patches and even I have gotten through them.
We all believe in you and love you, even your family.
Do things that get your mind off of everything, whatever makes you happy.
We're all here for you, don't keep it all bottled in, it makes it so much worse.