Re: potential girlfriend

[Mollocephalus]

for reference: http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/...d.php?t=114026

Since the discussion has gone to crap, i wanted to do a spin-off. How do you actually deal with women? You think, like mythix, that they're all the same and you mechanically do this and that and voila you did it or you need some sort of thoughtful, considerate approach in order to succsessfully interact with them in harmony? This is is also directed at women towards men.

I honestly would like to defend mythix a bit. He maybe intended that due to some societal standards, there are certain thought patterns common to almost all women, which is not false, but it is also true for men.

discuz.

EDIT: i also wanted to add that looks may have some relevance at first sight, but looks alone mean nothing. the mechanism of phisical attraction is far more complex than that, and if you add the variable of psychological affinity i guess it's just garbage to assume that only people that are equally beautiful can attract each other.

[poochieCREAM]

Guys are so difficult to read >_>
Well I'm only young, but I hear it from everywhere, so I guess that statement is valid for a lifetime haha.
I try to think of every man being different by having their own attitudes, values and beliefs.. But there are some patterns that are evident (which are not coming to mind, damnit).

And yeah, I've totally dropped the whole idea of love at first sight. It's more like *lust at first sight.

Edit: I just read the original thread. I found it sad how many people put him down :/ When you ask for help.. The last thing you need is people to laugh at your face, eesh.

Kind of similar situation for me, minus the lack of social interaction and not yet having my first kiss, etc.
I've had this 'thing' with a guy at work for almost 8 months now. It was obvious to everyone that we were more than friends, but were not quite dating. Our manager even teases us, it's pretty sad haha. But yeah, he's flirted very openly, but has never had the balls to do anything. So it's left me confused, thinking:
1/ Maybe he's just the flirty-womaniser type (though I know he isn't, because he's like a major nerd with very little social life LOL I have weird taste)
2/ He's to shy to ask me and is waiting for me to ask him out
3/ He's waiting for a better opportunity.
It's so goddamn frustrating, so now I'm ignoring him and suddenly he's attached to my hip (:
Hah. Moral: idk

[Choofers]

Honestly, my insecurities cause me to not go farther then "friends."

[Mollocephalus]

Originally Posted by poochieCREAM

Guys are so difficult to read >_>
Kind of similar situation for me, minus the lack of social interaction and not yet having my first kiss, etc.
I've had this 'thing' with a guy at work for almost 8 months now. It was obvious to everyone that we were more than friends, but were not quite dating. Our manager even teases us, it's pretty sad haha. But yeah, he's flirted very openly, but has never had the balls to do anything. So it's left me confused, thinking:
1/ Maybe he's just the flirty-womaniser type (though I know he isn't, because he's like a major nerd with very little social life LOL I have weird taste)
2/ He's to shy to ask me and is waiting for me to ask him out
3/ He's waiting for a better opportunity.
It's so goddamn frustrating, so now I'm ignoring him and suddenly he's attached to my hip (:
Hah. Moral: idk

everyone's nervous when doing something for the first time, especially if this implies self esteem and social consideration. why abide to some nonsense social standard when it comes to these situations? it doesn't matter who makes the first move. it matters in nature, where either the female or the male will try to seduce the other gender with different signals. what is often overstated in the natural world's courtship ritual is health, strenght, fertility, capacity to keep the progeny. whereas in the animal world it is already predetermined which gender does which, this doesn't apply in the human world. many of our istincts are result of our culture and environment. by knowing this, we can proceed to ignore those and destructure our psychological automations.

[poochieCREAM]

Saying that we shouldn't fall under these traps and run back into our comfort zones doesn't mean it'll make it any easier.

There's some cultural influences, as well. I think it's just western society, where there is almost no culture or limitations, that we're free to do what we want or don't want to do. Based on the environment I've been brought up in, I'm more comfortable with the man approaching the woman. I find it incredibly difficult to tell a guy I like him, mostly because I have that fear that because he didn't tell me first, that he musn't like me back.

[Choofers]

Originally Posted by poochieCREAM

Saying that we shouldn't fall under these traps and run back into our comfort zones doesn't mean it'll make it any easier.

There's some cultural influences, as well. I think it's just western society, where there is almost no culture or limitations, that we're free to do what we want or don't want to do. Based on the environment I've been brought up in, I'm more comfortable with the man approaching the woman. I find it incredibly difficult to tell a guy I like him, mostly because I have that fear that because he didn't tell me first, that he musn't like me back.

Saying that there are "cultural" limitations in western society is quite the misconception. We very little culture to call our own.

Also, how are we "free" to do what we want? Free-will, sure, but social standards make it nigh impossible to make a move for yourself. Case in point, cliques.

[poochieCREAM]

Originally Posted by Choofers

Saying that there are "cultural" limitations in western society is quite the misconception. We very little culture to call our own.

Also, how are we "free" to do what we want? Free-will, sure, but social standards make it nigh impossible to make a move for yourself. Case in point, cliques.

What? I'm saying that western society has little culture in order to have limitations. No real strict social standards that are shared widely. Well, none really that I've come across.

Cliques to me have almost nothing to do with liking someone. If there's an attraction, there's an attraction. You can't get rid of it.. can you?
To me, appearance means almost nothing. I'm almost the exact opposite of who I'm attracted to, and that hasn't really stopped us as of yet. Refer to: She's All That.
Haha.

[Choofers]

Originally Posted by poochieCREAM

What? I'm saying that western society has little culture in order to have limitations. No real strict social standards that are shared widely. Well, none really that I've come across.

Got it, I read it wrong haha.

Cliques to me have almost nothing to do with liking someone. If there's an attraction, there's an attraction. You can't get rid of it.. can you?
To me, appearance means almost nothing. I'm almost the exact opposite of who I'm attracted to, and that hasn't really stopped us as of yet. Refer to: She's All That.
Haha.

Cliques are all the rage here in Las Vegas :P
I can't even begin to describe how hard it was to fit in with 95% of my peers in high school. I listen to techno, I'm white, I play on the computer, and I'm in decent shape.

My music tastes grouped me with ravers, but I don't do drugs, which took me out of the white druggies, so I would've been stuck with nerds given my computer skills, but I'm in good shape :{

I dropped out and finished my military training lmfao.

[Dr Tran]

cliques werent as big were i went to high school weird

[poochieCREAM]

Originally Posted by Choofers

Got it, I read it wrong haha.

Cliques are all the rage here in Las Vegas :P
I can't even begin to describe how hard it was to fit in with 95% of my peers in high school. I listen to techno, I'm white, I play on the computer, and I'm in decent shape.

My music tastes grouped me with ravers, but I don't do drugs, which took me out of the white druggies, so I would've been stuck with nerds given my computer skills, but I'm in good shape :{

I dropped out and finished my military training lmfao.

Haha well, good luck on the military then, man.

(Not to sound vain) But I'm one of those random girls that blends with everyone. I have my main group which consists of a lot of the jocks, but during lunches I'm off wandering around the school talking to random people. And a random poll taken at school said I was in the top ten popular, but I don't know about that haha. Regardless of my status in school (I feel really uncomfortable saying that), all my crushes have been the nerdiest, dorkiest, kindest, cutest guys on earth. Fxck, I have no interest in jocks.

Edit: And I go online. Oh dear lord!

[Mollocephalus]

as much as western society is considered the most libertarian, i don't think it's accurate to say you are free to express yourself. the limitations imposed by common sense and untold rules are in fact overwhelming. Better than it used to be, say, 30 years ago, but still. The fact that most people lack the ability to think for themselves and live outside boundaries make it a significant matter.

However, i was more interested in reading the ways in which you treat the other gender and your reasons to do so. Everything humans do falls back to individual/mass psychology and society, but let's just skip this argument for a while.

[Choofers]

Originally Posted by Mollocephalus

However, i was more interested in reading the ways in which you treat the other gender and your reasons to do so. Everything humans do falls back to individual/mass psychology and society, but let's just skip this argument for a while.

My reasons for treating females respectfully (you could almost say chivalrous) is because of I was brought up that way kind of. It'd be inaccurate to say I was taught to be respectful directly, since I wasn't. That's a completely different story and a bit to do with a personal decision. If you want to know, PM me about it, but it's nothing extravagant.

That brings out the whole abstinence thing (mostly chivalry, partly another childhood thing). I find it rather depressing that society has made it so common to think nothing of sex.

[Mollocephalus]

not gonna offend you or anything but "i was brought up like this" or "i came out like this because of the environment i've lived in" isn't a legitimate reason to do anything. my request is more about explaining your thought processes on the matter via reasoning.

doing something just because it feels right means nothing. you can feel right about raping a cobra, and we all know how well it's gonna go.

[poochieCREAM]

Originally Posted by Choofers

I find it rather depressing that society has made it so common to think nothing of sex.

Sex it's a MASSIVE thing for me. As I said before, I've been heavily influenced by my cultural background and religion.

@ Mollo
You wanted a direct response about how we interact with the opposite sex and why?
Well personally, I flirt a lot, physically, since I work better that way than embarrassing myself with my speech (because I stutter a lot when I talk to someone I like, so that's out).
Eg., Me and my best guy friend went to watch 2012 about two Tuesdays ago. We leaned against each other and I rested my head on his shoulder for most of the time. When we talked, he simply looked down and I looked up, we were pretty much within kissing distance lol. The only time we parted was when he needed to fix his foot cramp -_____-''

In this case, I know he likes me, and he knows I somewhat like him. He's asked me out like three times now but I've rejected, mainly because I don't want to lose him as a friend. But we still muck around.

Ohhh I've got a billion examples of how I act and what reactions I get in return.

Edit: @ Mollo
I believe that influences from young age are a valid reason. They kind of stick in your head. Well to me, anyway. Everytime I don't finish the rice on my plate, I always imagine little rice men coming at night to attack me. That's mum's doing ):

[EnR]

I'm the kind of person that gets to know people before dating, I'll start hanging out with them, talking on msn or phone etc. I'm not shy to ask someone out, but I'm shy to do sexual things. I've already had sex with my present girlfriend, but thinking if we broke up and I ended up with another girl, it would mean I would have to restart all of it.

[Tokzic]

GO THREE POINT REPLY

Originally Posted by Mollocephalus

How do you actually deal with women? You think, like mythix, that they're all the same and you mechanically do this and that and voila you did it or you need some sort of thoughtful, considerate approach in order to succsessfully interact with them in harmony?

I don't consciously put any effort into my pursuits of people. In fact, I honestly don't give a **** about what anyone thinks of me, or bother pursuing in the first place - in the rare circumstance I'm interested in someone, it's practically obligatory that the chemistry isn't one-sided. However, when at social things, I try to make sure everyone has a good time, which involves being interesting. And I think I have a lot of traits that passively people really respect - I can talk about anything without being awkward, I am extremely trustworthy, I don't begin conflicts with people. The ultimate result is that I get more female attention than is practical, and my life is more dramatic than necessary.

I keep a goddamn blog on FFYa. Why did I start this? Because I hate dumping my life problems on people who are involved in my life, and I endure so many drama shit tsunamis that I need to vent about the goddamn things.

Originally Posted by Mollocephalus

I honestly would like to defend mythix a bit. He maybe intended that due to some societal standards, there are certain thought patterns common to almost all women, which is not false, but it is also true for men.

I agree with this to a small extent.

The only thing is that he wasn't talking about that. He was trying to say OH YEAH GETTING WITH CHICKS IS EASY BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL THE SAME. Which is wrong - everyone is looking for something fairly specific and very differing. Most girls aren't even mildly interested in casual sex. There are common traits that do fit into their thought patterns, but just adhering to the common traits like being dominant and confident isn't going to guarantee you success like Mythix suggests it does.

Originally Posted by Mollocephalus

EDIT: i also wanted to add that looks may have some relevance at first sight, but looks alone mean nothing. the mechanism of phisical attraction is far more complex than that, and if you add the variable of psychological affinity i guess it's just garbage to assume that only people that are equally beautiful can attract each other.

Agree with this completely. Beauty has some weight, but it's ultimately very ineffectual. Some people have their beauty go to their heads. These people value it a lot and think of it as important. These people are also rare. Most people have an idea of what they look like, and do place a small priority on looks, but it's so easy to bend personality for looks that as long as you aren't repulsive, you largely can work with anyone as far as looks go.

[Mythix]

Ok I'll make a human post as I usually do, if you check my comment wall and replies back and forth you'll see me discussing in advance of posting which person we were going to flame for no apparent reason. We decided it would be the first person making an offensive post, and trolling from a view that I don't think anyone in the world appreciates was harder than estimated but frigging funny.


Secondly: Depends what you want. Whenever we go out, we have sex just to have sex, because it feels good and it's exciting, no other reason attached. Sex is just sex unless you allow it to be something entirely different, like sex is the ultimate sacrifice and proof of attachment (I can't remember the correct word here) and once you've had sex, you're a couple. Or worse, you can't have it before you are a couple.
Now for religious people or people with cultural boundaries I can understand that sex is taboo, however the majority of Scandinavia isn't religious and we have a pretty open sight on sex. Which is why the most discussed topic is always "why are girls who have alot of sex whores while men who have alot of sex studs", it's only like that if you allow it to be but I won't go into that discussion now, point being girls have alot of sex here too.

Being good enough isn't so hard, as already stated the glue in a successfull relationship are the personalities which will surface at some point regardless of other things. How to get the possibility to show who you really are in a totally unbiased manner is alot harder. Meaning, again, if a girl -knows- you're hitting on her and the only reason you are there is to try to hit on her, it's really, really awkward and hard to get a decent discussion going based on the atmopshere.
If you miracolously pull this off, there's nothing more to discuss really but just because that doesn't work doesn't mean you wouldn't be a good couple, but she wouldn't get to know you by natural affection, since you've skipped that part.

However, being attracted to her without her knowing it will give her a different understanding and evaluation of you when you're together. Admit it's the truth, if you're out with a girl or guy you -know- is fond of you, you react differently to what the person says, because you're afraid to give the wrong impression and whatnot and it's easy to take everything said as an effort to impress you.
Say, you know the girl semi sort of, as in the other example, through the working place. That's a good start, since you probably already have a certain amount of trust and creditability, however it's still hard to get her out. My bible-girl I met at Philadelphia (in Norway, mind you), after my friend Chris "helped" her spill some of her fanta on me. I immediately apologized for consuming her fanta with my shirt, a total Hugh Grant moment, and offered to buy her a new one, because "the least you could do is let me by you a new one" worked for some reason. Afterwards, watching the show in Philly, approaching her about something wasn't hard. I just asked lame questions about the show I really already knew the answer to, but she was there so I figured she were interested. Now I'm not a part of the Philly group, but my grandfather had insisted I went there with my fellow grandchildren to watch the show during xmas some years ago.
After some time, she said they did something she considered silly and explained why, I don't remember the details around it but it had something to do with sacrifice, at this point Chris asked if we knew eachother (he already knew we didn't though but he's a good wing) and I replied she spilled her soda on me and were now stuck having to be nice to me during the entire show.
To which she replied, exactly what we knew she would, something appropriate like "no that's not why I'm nice this is actually pretty funny" or something along those lines as all good and normal persons would.
Then he asked if she wanted to come with us and some other persons from Philly to a christmas theme party afterwards. (With no alchohol yay?) She agreed to it and the next 10 minutes or so we talked about what and who were going there, and she wondered if she could bring friends.
Eventually, Chris said he "had to go" and being my ride for the night I "had to go" too, the show was over so many left some stayed, but Philly isn't a fun place for young people during late hours. So many of the young people left to Unic (a friends) where we met her. Eventually we got cramped infront of a TV watching cartoons pretty much critisizing how dumb it was. Her laying on me with her head talking about having to go even though she wanted to stay since it was so late, me and chris decided to pay a cab to pick up her and her friends and get them home.
I never asked her number, she had saved it onto my phone when I weren't aware. I pretended I didn't notice before she left, but I noticed it about an hour before, also because she had sent herself an sms :]

It's a tuff story, we were together for half a year before her parents wanted her to go to the bible school in Australia, to which I said I wouldn't wait for her to learn God.

That's how I approached a girlfriend, and I've only called two of my girls for that regardless of what they call me or tell me to call them.




To get laid is something completely different, but I guess this thread is about real emotions so it's not relevant. About girls being the same, they are when you're out on discos, dancing. The procedures to end up at eachothers table is pretty much the same, to end up in eachothers beds are just what happends after you go to the same nach, since you have "accepted" eachother already to do that, but the part about feeling obliged to be a couple afterwards is just dumb since it doesn't work out well for either parts and it's way too little planned. I know many people meet like that but I can't picture a happy relationship being based on it. Which is why I'm happily saying that and then just have sex.

EDIT: Holy **** I didn't know it was such a wall of text!

[MrRubix]

Honestly, physical looks only go so far for me, but I do think I need to consider someone reasonably attractive in order for me to get serious (but only to the extent that they take care of themselves and value their health / make an effort), but I'm more interested in their personality/mind -- otherwise things aren't very stimulating or fun.

[Mythix]

Originally Posted by MrRubix

Honestly, physical looks only go so far for me, but I do think I need to consider someone reasonably attractive in order for me to get serious (but only to the extent that they take care of themselves and value their health / make an effort), but I'm more interested in their personality/mind -- otherwise things aren't very stimulating or fun.

Physical looks only helps you to get a easier vantage point to make an impression, the impression itself is based on your personality as is the continuation of a relationship.

[Mythix]

K I see some of you are still writing but I g2g cya in 8h. Stupid work. Stupid human having to pay for a place to live and food to eat.

also in b4 accused of ruining myzz thread. Ask me if myzz is one of the persons I pm'ed before waring.