poem

[crumheart32605]

We belong to words
They shape, create worlds
Orbs of light, hollowed out
Sailing past the places intended
The evasions you've spoken with bravery
Float and land on a dark star
in your world that you've shaped, created
The depth of your horizon has swallowed the place where sky meets ocean
Tracing lines you use to block out the light from distant planets
Your horizon is lit but by these dark lines
You measure years past in lines

[Xx{Midnight}xX]

Poems are to tell a story of the sorts, express a feeling/emotion, and should make almost logical sense. I don't see a point to this, I see an idea that "Words are used to make things" but that's the furthest extent of it. I also see commas in places they don't belong such as "in your world that you've shaped, created" a nice start, now give it some purpose and fix a few other grammatical errors and a poem you shall have.

Please someone correct me if I'm wrong on anything.

[Verruckter]

Uh, a poem isn't "supposed" to be anything. Last I heard there were no rules to art, so he can do whatever he likes.

Poems don't need to tell a story nor make any logical sense.

I thought it was nice, nothing pretentious at all, just a humble poem about words. It didn't appeal to me so much, but if you're satisfied with what you've done then all is well.

[All_That_Chaz]

Poems are for expression. Saying that they're to tell a story is too restraining a definition.

crumheart, the first problem I noticed is a lack of punctuation. You use enjambment sometimes (having one phrase continue from one line to the next) but then other times you have the phrase end at the end of line. If you're going to do something like that you need some sort of punctuation to separate the phrases.

The second thing I noticed was a lack of form. Now there's nothing wrong with free verse, but your lines really don't seem to follow any sort of logic.

The next problem was how your ideas were a bit too disconnected and abstract. Poetry is about communicating an idea. Yes, the expression is personal, but if the audience can't grasp what you're saying, you're just babbling to yourself.

I'm not trying to sound like a jerk. I think you have a good idea in your head. I would like to see this idea more developed and more accessable in later drafts. Keep writing!

[OrganisM]

Originally Posted by Xx{Midnight}xX

Poems are to tell a story of the sorts, express a feeling/emotion, and should make almost logical sense. I don't see a point to this, I see an idea that "Words are used to make things" but that's the furthest extent of it. I also see commas in places they don't belong such as "in your world that you've shaped, created" a nice start, now give it some purpose and fix a few other grammatical errors and a poem you shall have.

Please someone correct me if I'm wrong on anything.

No. You have no idea what you're talking about.

For the record, I rather enjoyed the imagery of this poem.

[igotrhythm]

No offense, but this poem is either too low or too high for me to understand. As Robert Frost once said, "Composing poetry in free verse is like playing tennis without a net." (Or something along those lines.)

While I also agree with the above posters in that the purpose of poetry is to express emotion in written form and doesn't always have to make sense to readers, I've found that more people will like your work if it's written in a form that they can make sense out of.

What you have right now is pretty good, but if you learn to use the tools of the trade (meter, rhyme scheme, maybe some literary devices here and there), you could get even better.

[OrganisM]

Originally Posted by igotrhythm

No offense, but this poem is either too low or too high for me to understand. As Robert Frost once said, "Composing poetry in free verse is like playing tennis without a net." (Or something along those lines.)

What you have right now is pretty good, but if you learn to use the tools of the trade (meter, rhyme scheme, maybe some literary devices here and there), you could get even better.

I strongly disagree. I think that's a ridiculous notion. Free verse poetry can sometimes be a very good thing. I've been so heavy on meter and rhythm lately that it's ruined my style, and it's often when I let go a bit and let the words take form without worrying so much about form that they sound the best. Otherwise they sound manufactured and contrived.

And I think it's very easy to read into this poem for a variety of meanings.

[All_That_Chaz]

You're both right. Writing in free verse in many ways is more challenging than writing in quatrains or couplets or what have you. It presents the challenge of a completely open format which can lend itself to ideas getting lost in abstraction, which I feel happened here. But it doesn't mean that writing in free verse should be avoided.

Personally I feel that free verse is something you should try after trying your hand at more heavily structured writing, because it will give you the mindset you need to write poetry instead of scattered ideas when confronted with free verse. If certain meters are "ruining your style," I would say that you just need to practice more. Something I did when I was going on a writing tear in college was keep a journal and write a few quatrains or couplets or a sonnet or a few stanzas of a sestina or whatever every single day. It's almost like learning a foreign language to get your mind in the proper place where you can think in the meter you're going for.